Wonkette

"Thanks for saving me from the dinosaur attack when I was three, mom."

What to say?

That's cute, and she still looks fertile. Unlike her dickface boy.

Are you sure his mom wasn't the one with the pill problem?

Why won't Obama's mother agree to debate McCain's mother?

Hard drinking wife of the Admiral. She can drink you under the table then beat you at arm wrestling.

She was the only person alive who could make him look young by comparison.

Agnes Skinner, in the flesh! Or, paper, or whatever that stuff is.

She musta been something before electricity...

Love the part where she begs him to continue neglecting her.

Wish I could see the outtakes where they get into the inevitable onion-in-the-belt discussion.

@BlogFather: He still looks older and sounds less coherent.

Also at the end of the video, she looks like he has called her a cunt before and she's afraid he might again...

As the election draws on it's going to be harder and harder to come up with new jokes about how fucking old WALNUTS! is. There are only so many analogies one can make. Dinosaurs was nice, Manchu. Let's see if I can come up with anything. Here we go:

"Yes, John was born on a Friday. It was just after the Big Bang."

She had John on a table in the Officer's Club? Now THAT'S a sailor's kid.

@IrasGlasses: Then pop out a little bastage to boot! All in an hour!

I think she is what Cindy's gonna look like in 40 or so years.

If Obama supporters are kool-aid drinkers, does that make McCain supporters Ensure drinkers?

Because he's old.

@jumping: Do you mean with McCain is 112 years old?

*when not *with @shortsshortsshorts:

@NoWireHangers: "John's father and I met while he was on shore leave from the USS Monitor..."

@shortsshortsshorts: No with her son. Like they were the Bushes, running for the Presidency, handed down from generation to generation.

@jumping: Slow down there, Dr. Freud!

**When I first saw this I thought he'd gone back to his first wife!

@greylox: is she still alive?

@Son of Mark Penn: WRONG.

Substitute McCain for Burns:

Smithers: [answering] Mr. Burns' office. Oh, hello Mrs. Burns. I'll see if your son is available.

Homer: Mr. Burns has a mother? She must a hundred million years old!

Smithers: She has limited capacities. All she can do is dial and yell.

Looks like Bea Arthur from the Golden Girls.

Is this for real? First off, I'm shocked that his 298 year old mother is still alive and able to talk coherently. I'd heard rumors that that was the case but I'm shocked to actually see it. Second, I wonder how she would feel about her son calling his wife a cunt. Third... I mean really? She's still alive? I just can't believe this.

This was obviously made with people who can remember the original airing of 'Leave it to Beaver' in mind.

McCain? That lilting, folksy 'my mom does too!' quote at the end? Don't try to be cute, dude, we all know you called your wife a cunt, you're not fooling anybody.

Now, c'mon.... fess up: someone admit that Robert Smigel edited this.

He dead pan a ma in the birth canal.

Was anybody else completely horrified by that?

"He doesn't spend enough time with his trollop/cunt of a mother"
"Please don't hit me again, Johnny."

Now let's all go watch Matlock.

And the "Leave It To Beaver" soundtrack was a nice touch.

The McHales Navy re-run crowd is going to have an orgasm when they see this, by golly!

The conspiracy theories are in about what happened to Bob Dole.

The Answer: Sex change. You can call him "Roberta McCain" now.

Hell, we don't have to come up with new ways to call McCain old. Stone cold assassin Barry said he was "losing his bearings" on CNN today.

Then the McCain campaign put out a whiny statement crying foul(?!?) What a fucking pussy!

Oh my God, that was hilarious! That music! Did nobody else notice the music? Was no one else waiting for Donna Reed to swish by in her house dress, smiling proudly and holding a fresh pie? With a cartoon bluebird chirping merrily on her shoulder? Which happens all the time in America, which -- judging from this video's schmaltz -- is a robust nation, deep in the throes of an era of peace and unlimited economic expansion?

Doo-dee-doo DEET do, doo-dee-doo DEE do, diddle-diddle-diddle dah dah dee-dee-doo ...

Oh, by the way, when you're tired of "he's old!" jokes, maybe you'll want to switch over to jokes on how he cost American taxpayers $1.4 trillion with his sleazy role in the Savings & Loan scandal of the early 1990's. Or something else that's, you know, got a shot at helping your boy Barry actually win this thing. Because Pickpocket McCain's "not going to hold his opponent's youth and inexperience against him..." while his decrepit, translucently-skinned ass continues looting the American treasury.

Let's see an ad with the mother of his first three children! Zing!

You can have a baby at happy hour? Hmmm, maybe this baby thing isn't such a bad idea. My mom will be glad I learned about this today.

I was waiting for John Cleese or Eric Idle to show up at the ending. Without them, this was just creepy.

Oh wow. I'm an editor and I've had this experience before -- trying to edit total nut-jobs who are clearly fighting and babbling throughout the shoot to look as they're telling any sort of coherent stories and don't hate each other.

I don't have time to watch this now, but am I wrong to assume that he called his Mom a cunt so as not to show favoritism to his wife?

@StupidGeek: I was waiting for the dissolve to flashback in b/w. Close up of Donna Reed (tips to Munkles) sipping a high ball. A concerned look passes over her face, followed by a sucking wet sound off screen. Thump! She looks down, smiles, baby cries.

McCain's Mom actually makes McCain look older and frailer because she is built like a moose.

.
Which one was John?
.

@Munkles: I prefer comparing him to John Kerry - the Pubtards love that.

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Sir_Walter_Raleigh at 07:54 PM

@Munkles: I prefer comparing him to John Kerry - the Pubtards love that.

Yeah! Let's get twelve old POWs to say he betrayed America, and he's the Manchurian candidate!

Wait . . . maybe he IS the Manchurian Candidate?

Wait. Where's Manchuria? It's over there, right?
.

@cosanostradamus: If McCain is secretly programmed as a sleeper agent assassin Manchurian Candidate, that is one long fucking brainwashing program. Everybody who programmed him would already be dead by now probably!

Lets see, the manchurian candidate was about a POW who was brainwashed and became president?

Yep, fits this guy. Except instead of being brainwashed by the Chinese, he was brainwashed by the double whammy of the Christian fascists and the neo cons.

The McCain's remind me of the Mandelboms from the Seinfeld episode when they challenge Jerry to a TV lifting contest in the hospital.

Just when you think the oldest Mandelbom has appeared, an even older one shows up!

oh and by the way...Mandelbom, Mandelbom, Mandelbom!!

Yikes! An assload of babbling about 'happy hour', '27 bottles of scotch' and some 'club' then a Hallmark fadeout as if to say, "Look I'm not perfect, my mother is an older-than-dirt drunk, just like yours!"
Well anyway, [edit] Well anyway!...

I don't want this fucking zombie walking around the white scaring the children.

Just because his mom's 96 and somewhat coherent doesn't make him any less of a dick.

@Jefflebowskie: Please clarify-- 'zombie' meaning Cunty, Roberta, or McCain himself? Also which babies, god's lil' minorities or the soused white ones?

..Commodores are gonna sing here:

"It's a white HOUSE
Mighty mighty lettin' all us down
It's a white HOUSE
Bush attacked Iraq that's whack
We need a pres that's black"...

The McCain Presidency will be like Camelot all over again...except with Depends.

The Obama Presidency would be more like a bad rerun of Sanford & Son or maybe Whats Happening

@jasonelias: my grandmom is 108 and she still lives alone...she is voting for mccain.

@TEAM HEIDI: That's beautiful and American! At least she can vote for an upstanding nice young white man and not a nig. Obama welcomes those points of view because they are soon to be part of our history...

"It's so cold in here. Eddie, what time is it?"

That woman is loopier than Velcro, which is composed entirely of tiny loops.

It's MOMNUTS!

@TEAM HEIDI: My grandma is about to turn 101, and she reckons she'll give the "colored boy" her vote this fall.

Needless to say, we hadn't expected her to be an Obama supporter and were all quite surpised by her decision.

That video was very unsettling. I wonder what was left on the editing room floor and, well, the mind boggles.

I love that everytime Birdie McCain does an interview (and, yes, I'm going back to that hilarious interview she did with Scully on C-SPAN where he could barely contain himself), she seems like she can barely stand the reality of Johnnie McCain.

Then, she proudly stated that she thought- during the POW years- that Johnnie was dead...and...eh...didn't seem to choked up about it. Also, she was too quick to talk about how hated he is in the party and by, basically, everyone that matters in DC.

And here, I love the little hand motion she makes after he says he doesn't spend enough time with her. She's like, "Whatever, you're supposed to be dead!"

Needless to say, she's my favorite part of the whole family.

THIS is a campaign ad? Forsooth.

The Addams Family- That's the theme I heard in my head as I watched this er... powerhouse performance.

Maybe it's that line: "Their house is museum, when people come to see 'em..." Yeah, it's all going to be about age, isn't it?

Duh duh duh dum, click click...

@Jewdishoowary Square: Yep, MOMNUTS! rocks!

I bet she beat him with a spatula after drinking all those bottles of hooch. He's got a really creepy laugh, too, no?

Roberta McCain For President!

@TEAM HEIDI: i thought you were leaving us?

@TEAM HEIDI: That's cool. Well, I can give her an email and "implore" her not to vote for someone insane?

@TheMac: Yep, she's his best weapon. Now that Hilz is ded, I hope, there had better be some serious sucking up to old ladies because they vote way more often than boy bloggers. The time honored thing to do is start showing how McCain will steal every last cent right out of their bank accounts and IRA's and leave them sitting out in the street with no where to live. The old nuns in Missouri have already started kicking some ass over voting rights for elderly women. Somebody better start with the maths.