Wonkette
We are only two days away from The Wedding, and there are simply too many questions remaining! Will Jenna run off at the altar, like Julia Roberts does in all those movies? How hot will Lauren be dressed? Which pizza chains will whore themselves out shamelessly in a losing attempt to cater the reception? Oh look, we already know the answer to that last one!
Here is a letter allegedly from the president of Pizza Hut to President Bush, offering the following: "If you'll allow us the honor, we'd be happy to provide the new Pizza Hut Pizza Mia™ to hungry guests as the evening reception concludes at Jenna's wedding." Silly Pizza Hut, the Bush Family has plenty of slaves to cook all the necessary foodstuffs.
[Letter (Word document)]
Comments
Pizza Hut will supply their house wine also.
Pizza Hut? Are you kidding me? They're Texans... real Texans, not your typical effeminate, Northern, pizza eating elites. The guests will be dining on tumbleweeds and prairie grass, thank you.
Which hand is holding the camera?
Can somebody run that Word doc through a virus scanner? Or better yet, save it as an RTF file and post it somewhere?
@Serolf Divad:
Please explain to me where these "real Texans" will be coming from. Their won't be many at this wedding as they are all Yankee transplants or visitors from the Vinyards and the like.
Bush isn't a Texan, he is teh very definition of all hat and no cattle.
Hold out on them, Dubya! See if you can get them to throw in their Tuscani Pasta - you will not regret it.
The link to the letter died in a fiery car accident. Can it be resurrected?
Why not Dominos? Aren't they the pro-life chain?
@Dr. Spaceman: Mrs. Jabba the Hut
As a kid I used to love chugging gallons of coke out of those translucent red Pizza Hut cups while playing pac-man.
Actually, thrown in booze and that wouldn't be a half bad shindig...
fried baloney sandwiches and dr. pepper laced with vodka is more their speed, i think.
oscar meyer would have a better shot than pizza hut.
I guess that answers my question from the earlier thread.
Dessert will be provided by Tasty Freeze.
Beverages provided by Boone's Farm. Reception will be held at Medieval Times.
No no no. They'll have the First Lady's favorite appetizer, the jalapeno poppers from that diner in Crawford. Tasty, if I recall.
...is this a wedding or a fukkin NASCAR race?! Her wedding has sponsors now? I wonder if she will have a little Pizza Hut patch on her wedding moo-moo?
@graceless: They should recruit Chick Fil-A or In & Out.
"And we'd be happy to serve it with any of Jenna's favorite toppings."
Sweet -- I'm imagining the folks at Pizza Hut trying to figure out how much cocaine and Budweiser should go on each pizza.
She still looks enough like the daughter from Spartan to give me a little jolt of joy when she's in the news.
"...I was raised by wolves..."
@AfghanVet:
Oh really? You probably believe all that crap about Bush being educated at Yale and Harvard, too. In fact, our president learned all he knows working as a ranch hand making 70 cents per day and not complaining about it. After doing that for 10 years and saving every penny he could, he bought a few acres north of El Paso and started drilling for oil on it. Within 20 years he had turned his $150.00 savings into a fortune estimated at $300,000,000.00. And all this without any of your fancy Ivy League "book learning." I know this for a fact because I watched the Fox news "Fighting to the Finish" special on Bush.
That letter is definitely not fake.
@SayItWithWookies:
Whoa. Pizza Hut NEVER leaves portion control to the discretion of its pimply teenage workforce. They'd have to strictly weigh out each 8-ball.
As good republicans, shouldn't they have the slaves cooking barbecued puppies and kittens, and serving the meal on copies of the new, redacted, bill of rights?
After the wedding, will Mr. and Mrs. Jenna Bush get their own doublewide trailer out on the outskirts of the Crawford 'ranch' somewhere?
I has many questionz?
Since they are so tight now, maybe McCain can supply the Budweiser
oh, it's just so sad. especially the part where he says "dont worry its on us!" only for bush would they actually have to spell that out.
@Serolf Divad: "Like you, we call Texas home -- we're just up the road from Crawford in Dallas."
Apparently they've graduated from tumbleweed to the most disgusting processed restaurant food imaginable.
One time, (Ok, it was actually several times, whatever!) I drank too much vodka and ate too much cheap pizza. When I barfed everywhere, it looked a lot like this invitation.
I mean, you can't even read the fucking thing:
Pwajbfde Chapfgn
Ranch Dressing?
Mahhhhhhhh1089458y347
Cwaanfgijubg Texkodfogj
Having Pizza Hut cater your wedding is the height of elite bitterism...
Boy, trailer trash with money is still trailer trash.
@Serolf Divad: With bar-b-que sauce, lots and lots of bar-b-que sauce! They would put that stuff on cow dung in Texas and claim that the sauce just MADE that shit!
Aren't Dick and Condi just gonna go out shootin to bring back the vittles?
My larger concern is whether Dubya got enough vacation days in to clear out all the brush that needs a-clearin
Fuck, I'm a poor 20-something office drone and I wouldn't stoop to Pizza Hut at my reception.
Recognize it's very creative to print the wedding invitations on mouse pads.
A more appropriate caterer would be Pizza Hat instead.
I've never eaten at Pizza Hut. But now I'm REALLY not going to eat at Pizza Hut.
That invitation looks suspiciously like the free mousepads that computer manufacturers throw in when you buy new computers. Does Dell have something to do with the wedding?
@Btwbfdimho: You win.
@SayItWithWookies: That just made my day! I'm stifling my laughter in my office right now.
@Tits_LaRue: Ahhh, Cthulhu Catering! They do good work.
That's Cheney's donation, I imagine.
let's get back to that wedding invitation. Is there only one single photo of the two of those spawns of satan together? I think it would be very creepy to be one of the only 200 people invited to this wedding to get an invite with a photo that is the standard AP photo of the adorable couple, no?
That looks like a cheap funeral parlor rememberence fan. Did they die in a car accident?
@queeraselvis:
A tie, rather.
Who said that, big minds drink and think alike?
Damn she looks like her Dad in that picture.
I'll bet Henry makes her wear a strap-on and call her "Big Georgie" for their nuptials.
I have to admit, it would be cool if they had a keg of Shiner Bock at the reception.
Two fewer assholes at Smith Point, I say.
Only a few hundred to go.
I wonder if there's different tiers of invitations? The cheap press version (seen above), the formal one, then the gold-leaf-on-git'mo prisoner-skin version for folks like the Cheneys and the grandparents of the bride.
Don't demean the In and Out , that double cheese and a vanilla shake is the only reason to go to LA.Oh wait was that a reference to the honeymoon?
Those hands! Those doughy, bloated hands! Those tiny red nails at the tips of those pasty, aged-spotted hands!
@LittlePig: hahaha
That invitation is harder to read than Finnegan's Wake.
They were going to have a horse and carriage, but Bush is afraid of horses.
(this is true, President Fox of Mexico confirmed it and laughed about it-and its all I need to know about GW. Horses can fu*kin' read your mind. They all want to kick the sh*t out of Bush.
@terrymct: Say what you will about the Bushes, I don't think millionaire Mayflower descendants can honestly be called "trailer trash."
Still, that invitation is hella tacky.
@Serolf Divad: rocky mountain oysters.
@ReelectTilden: Yeah, that invitation is an embarrassment. I bet the white house is full of kitschy shit in that style. Michelle Obama better bring a few dumptrucks in January.
@Dr. Spaceman: In the alternative, Cindy McCain could deck the place out in sweet Budweiser neon signs. It's a win-win.
Please God tell me they're registered somewhere. That could make for the best wonkette thread ever.
Just because the pizzas SMELL like anchovies, doesn't mean they have anchovies ON them. Girls just wanta have fun.
Pizza Hut makes good pizza, I'm told, so perhaps this wasn't a HUGE, STINGING INSULT for the 43rd president!
@SayItWithWookies: you forgot the extra jizz topping
@Eac_o_System: No they don't. Their pizza is terrible; horrible even. And it IS an insult to Bush Jr. She only eats paint chips. Pizza Hut, while similar to paint chips, does not fit the bill.
@RaptorAvatar: Hahahahaha, silly Texan peasants will never taste our California/Arizona/Nevada elitist burgers!
After the other twin gets married, do you think they will hang a sign saying "Mission Accomplished"?
I hope that that reception is at the fire hall in Crawford.
[img.slate.com]
Will the Crawford meth lab/vo-tech school be closed for the wedding or will it be business as usual?
BTW: Why is "daughter" used in the Pizza Hut letter? Is there another Jenna getting hitched? Does Bush need reminding that he has a daughter named Jenna?
Forgive me -- I'm merely an overeducated latte-drinking white chick from the Main Line -- but WTF is that thing in the picture? Is it some kind of . . of . . of souvenir trivet?
@csperanza: I rather wondered the same thing. What happened to ivory vellum and engraving?
It gives me no small amount of satisfaction to know that my own wedding invitations outclassed by far those of the lil' princess of one of Amerikkka's wealthiest and most powerful families.
Res ipsa loquitur: money don't buy class.
Hey, you crazy kids, check this out. Bush is already packing his bags (firing corrupt minions getting in hot water, instead of shoving them in our faces, gloating):
[www.npr.org]
by Daniel Schorr
Staff Abandoning, Getting Kicked Off Bush Ship
@IrasGlasses: Staff Abandoning, Getting Kicked Off Bush Ship
You mean the S.S. Fuckface, right?
>>Silly Pizza Hut, the Bush Family has plenty of slaves to cook all the necessary foodstuffs.
Yes, but they got free advertising on Wonkette, so at the end of the day I'd say it was worth the attempt!
Has no one noticed that the names don't align with the picture? Would it have been that difficult to have the correct person above their name? Or are we having a cross dressing wedding?
@chriscarrollsmith: We're glad to help.
@edgydrifter: You know that invitation isn't real, right? I have disliked W longer than any of you have, but, if you are going to make a joke about an obvious fake, either be funny or don't complement yourself so much.
I already finished law school, don't remind me of the dumb Latin terms I had to learn.
@EditorOfTheDailyFaberian: I dropped out of law school, because you can't really excel there if you are not willing to promote ideas which you don't believe in. It's as simple as that. Now I'm shlubbing in a cubicle, which is exactly what I deserve.
@IrasGlasses: I have no problem with ideas I don't believe in.
But, the only reason for excessive Latin terminology is when I am going to make money off of it. And, the part I find insulting is the lack of humor in the jokes. It is a big target, not hard to hit.
[www.huffingtonpost.com]
AIG Reports $7.8 Billion Loss
(Holy Shit! the Bush ship is sinking faster than I thought.)
@IrasGlasses: Exactly. There is so much comedy potential from his presidency (sort of, it is still tragedy now, but tragedy + time, maybe in 10 years).
Someone from Pizza Hut wrote a joke letter. W's parents represent the two WASpiest families in all of New England. Plenty of jokes there.
no offer from hell pizza, then?
Where is Dr. Phill when we need him??
It was an unfortunate miscommunication.
What the executives meant is that they will supply the necessary Pizza Hut delivery boys to sate Papa Bush's prestigious appetites.
I saw something in the news about a giant sinkhole opening up in a small Texas town and I thought immediately of Jenna's wedding night and rushed to Wonkette to see if I had missed it. Apparently not.
@Gopherit:
I read somewhere that Jenna is registered at Halliburton.
Shhh. Don't tell anyone.
This ensures that no elite, effete people will be there.
@Serolf Divad: followed by a main course of meadow muffins and cow pies...
All I can think about when I look at that invite pic is how that poor dumb bastard will have Dubya as a father-in-law. Think of allllll those dinners and yuk yuk convos by the fireplace.
Has anybody asked Dan Rather if that letter is real?