Wonkette

Well, it is about time!

I want to eat him up! Barry is too adorable in that photo.

a million Euro smile!

I think it's both a) and b).

@Nathalie08: Nice. If he wanted to make the Paultards happy he would have worn some gold grillz.

Can't be real as it would mean Time had reported actual news and/or been less than three weeks late on covering a story. Besides aren't they overdue for another lame trend piece that's just an excuse for a lame cover photo of adorable babies?

The terrorists already hate him.

Barry Bonds doesn't get an asterisk, but Obama does? Fuck you, Time. Fuck you up the ass with a qualifying subtext.

[news.bbc.co.uk] Barack Obama: About to gain 30 new super-delegates?

Hillary will surely call a "secret" meeting with Time to change the cover.

She has a (shit of) a chance, you know?

Goddamn America, can't it just be over?

If the cover says "And the Winner Is" doesn't that mean that there must be picture of Mad Dog McCain on the insider front cover?

TIME has just called it for Barry.
For Hillz, this reality's scary.
She needs to get out,
But I seriously doubt
That she will, which makes me quite wary.

@shortsshortsshorts: Oh dear. Back so soon? What a shame.

@Jewdishoowary Square: Hey, at least they didn't give him "devil horns" [www.time.com] Yet.

OK, night owls. I figured I'd make one with superdelegates added when they endorsed, using the weekly chart at demconwactch.blogspot.com.

Then I got carried away a little.

[ direct link to full size ]

@shortsshortsshorts: I have much bigger fish to fry on Wonkette than you my fine weather friend so you are getting a temporary reprieve....but I'll be back in a few weeks after taking care of some unfinished business on Jezebel.

@TJBeck: You deserve a drink.

@TEAM HEIDI: Only for you.

@shitty pitty: I know how to end it, but I can't break that type of law.

@IrasGlasses: I hope to God this is true. But I'll believe it when I see it...

Also, Barack looks real pretty in that picture, but forgive me if I take everything the Drudge Report has to say with more than a few grains of salt.

Poor Hillary.@TJBeck: So you fucking suggest that there is an equivocation from the general trend so far that Hillary will not be our overlord?

@TJBeck: This is gorgeous based on the timeline alone, but I do not understand the lines! Are they overall delegates? Cause Hills still has more superdels than Obama.

Also, WHO is Dipshit McGoo? Ron Paul, John McCain, and Hillary are all still in the running, and those were my three best guesses.

@TJBeck: Nicely done, TJ. I only hope that gap widens a tad after the vote here in OR and the clumpy trickle of cowardly as-yet-uncommitted supers.

And how sad is it that Bittergate makes any legitimate time line of the Democratic race? (I am not criticizing your fantastic timeline, but rather this joke of a country and media we call our own.)

@ronaldpagan: I really appreciate the "debate" scare quotes for ABC.

@tunamelt: Hahaha, me too. This is a masterwork. And I learned that Dipshit McGoo is Fred Thompson so don't bother enlightening me, guys. Just let me know why he made the list and Rudy "Obsolete" Giuliani did not.

@TJBeck: i gotta say, that's awesome. edward tufte would be proud.

@TJBeck: another thing that your awesome graph shows is that the race really was won in february. that's tactics. pure tactics. the graph on demconwatch for the supers shows the same thing. clinton's super count froze in mid february.

happy fucking valentine's day. bitch.

"Barack calls rednecks bitter and clingy"

Hillary's looking a little clingy herself. "America, dump that clingy bitch!"

@audicityofhope: And for the love of god, do not get her anywhere near a phone at three in the morning.

@ronaldpagan: It would be like using a coffee maker for her; tragic.

@audicityofhope: Yo, until those 30 delegates endorse Obama or Streisand Herself calls upon Hills to drop out, come on over to Paultardistan for a rousing game of "I would rather fuck..." Which so far I am the only one playing.

+ Watch video

Oh Jesus H. Christ, why won't Hillary just go away? It's a waste of energy even hating her anymore.

@IrasGlasses: Of course it would be a dude holding up that sign! That is so misogynist how everyone gets all up in arms every time a woman wants to "obliterate" something.

But wait...is that a dude...? It is so hard to tell with hippies.

I spelled cries wrong.

Oh my, what a lovely photo. *sigh*

How awesome is it that we're going to have a sexy young President?

Somewhere, Charles Lindbergh is rolling over in his grave.

That is probably the cover for the rest of the world. The US will get: Bush: Why Baseball Will Keep Me Occupied After I Leave the White House.

@AxmxZ: You mean John McCain?

@ronaldpagan: You know it, man! He's one sexy piece of man-meat! I mean, man-jerky.

@audicityofhope:

Bravo!

@AxmxZ:Enjoy it while it lasts.

Limerick time!

I'm head over heels for Obama
It's obvious, just ask my mama
He speaks with such ease
Leaves me weak in the knees
But I can't leave his clingy brother, Osama

With all the commentariat now falling into line and pronouncing "the end is nigh," certain cat-ladies like Taylor Marsh are going to be very busy typing out screeds like this one, devoted to bloviator Tim Russert, who had the temerity on NC/IN night to pronounce this thing a done deal:

"You loud mouthed, self-important, elitist, John McCain pimping, pile on artist, anti feminist, misogynistic, ego driven, over paid, hack, blow hard, Clinton hating, so 20th century male, mind numbing pontificator, against all things Democratic jackass. Who elected you to anything? Whose place is it to announce we have a nominee when neither candidate has enough delegates? I'll tell you who: no one. You couldn't get elected to the Senate if your life depended on it, and as for the top job, what a laugh. So here's some advice for you. Take a trip to Columbia, Missouri and drop by the school of journalism there, the first and finest. Take a couple of classes. Learn what your job really is. Then quit unloading your rhetorical turds on television. No one cares about your predictions. It's also embarrassing to see a grown man get paid all that money to make an ass out of himself every day, but especially when it comes to Hillary Clinton. Don't think for a second we don't know your real game. It's been obvious for a very long time."

These cat-ladies are the very same ones who decry the Obama candidacy, not so much because of the man, but because his Messianic cult-like zealot followers have alienated them by being nasty and one-sided.

Pot, meet kettle.

@libelian: OMG, you just made me the giddiest girl in the world! Can't we please get this fine man in some more Wranglers? Axelrod, c'mon! Hook a brotha' up!

@libelian: @Canuckledragger: @audicityofhope: Yay! A break from my work to be greeted by a limerick, a Canuckledragger informed rant, and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, a picture of Barack in package-accentuating jeans. I cannot stop drooling.

@Canuckledragger: I'm a woman and this bullshit is making me misogynistic. Those are the only insults Hillary's buds can really throw at Obama supporters anymore. ("Nigger-lover" is soooo 20th century.) "You misogynistic, woman-hating, sexist, chauvinist, patriarchal, penis-having MAN! Shame on you!"

@ronaldpagan: I'm tellin' ya, Ronald, if Barry had worn jeans while campaigning throughout Pennsylvania and Indiana, he would have won by a landslide.

Show of that beutiful specimen of yours, Barry! Don't keep it concealed in a pair of loosely fitting khakis. Bitter Americans need to see your ass in all of its glory.

*Tip to Obama campaign*
After each town hall meeting, every voter should have the opportunity to caress, pat, squeeze, or spank Obama's butt. If anyone had any doubts about voting for Barry when they went in, they won't when they leave.

OK, after user review I added a couple more things - a scale and an additional line of explanation.

Here is the link to the excel spreadsheet if you want to make your own graphs, try out scenarios, figure out the magic number etc.
[filer.case.edu]

[direct link to full image]

@audicityofhope: My comment did not go through. But SO TRUE. WHYYYY has Mr. President of My Vagina not pranced around in jeans to better connect with the bitter rednecks? That's one form of pandering I could get behind!

@ronaldpagan: Damn straight, sista'! I'd like to pander to Barry's crotch for hours.

@TJBeck: Was the dumping of Obama by sex-pot Scarlett "I can't sing for shit" Johannson not significant? I suppose not, seeing as how it might have been an ego bruiser to Barry.

BTW, is Nicole Richie a superdelegate?

And also, Bear-bear? (You don't mind if I call you Bear-bear, do you?) The way you can put these silly cojone rumors to rest is to wear a pair of jeans that perfectly outlines your majestic equipment. Maybe I am officially crossing some sort of perv line, but America needs answers!

PS: Think of how nice it will be to watch this Adonis give State of the Union addresses for the next 4 years.

@TJBeck: Very nice! I don't think your main link works, so I didn't get to see the huge chart. But can you do one where the red line plummets into oblivion at the end? I see a drunk driving arrest in Hill's future. And also, if we cross our fingers, a David Hasselhoff moment where an intoxicated Hillary eats a pint of New York Superfudge Chunk from the floor of her roach-infested apartment where Chelsea begs her not to miss her speaking engagement at the Scranton Ladies of a Certain Age Book Club.

@ronaldpagan: I would pay big bucks to have front row seats to that. Hillz would have to fight Chelsea for the toilet though. That girl's got some serious chipmunk cheeks and its more than just hereditary. You'd be surprised how far she can stick her fist down her throat.

@ronaldpagan: You haven't crossed any line in my book. I can tolerate full on hard-core descriptions when it comes to Barry (Bear-bear's a good pet name).

Can Wonkette please hook us ladies up with some more hot Barry Jeans photos? We're dying over here!

@audicityofhope: Oh my God! Does this mean...Chelsea is John McCain's illegitimate baby?

@audicityofhope: I KNOW! Wonkette should have an hourly Barry Centerfold Thread.

@ronaldpagan: YES! YES! YES! C'mon! Ken? Jim? Somebody please! We're hardcore addicts now and we need an hourly fix. My photoshopping skills can only go so far.

@audicityofhope:

Barry Jeans is my lover
He's is a God who claims that I am the one
Who is carrying his son
He says I am the one, who is carrying his son.

@audicityofhope: @ronaldpagan: Will you two please get a room?

@ALIVE!: Only if Barry's in it.

There's no way this is a real Time Magazine cover.

Barack would be a lot blacker.

THIS JUST IN: John Edwards campaign manager David Bonior is set to endorse Obama today.

[leaderboard08.blogspot.com]

@TJBeck: Isn't there supposed to be a white towel under Clinton's head? Or did you photoshop out the hand holding it up in the air for us?

When girls get together, apparently they chit chat endlessly about "package accentuating" and "magnificent equipment." (audacity, ronaldpagan, ahem.)

@IrasGlasses: We all know that most chicks would blow any man who was President. Fact of life. Icky, but fact. These gals want to blow a candidate before he even becomes President. Apparently, their desire isn't based on some twisted power-hungry/reflected-glory thing, but based on actual lust. Can't really see how that's a bad thing.

Now, Hillaryous had the chance to blow a sitting President and an opportunity to feed the power hunger/luxuriate in the reflected glory. But she didn't blow it and thus, blew it.

Let the gals here have their little BJ-fetish. I mean, we don't mock teh gayz here when they've made similar thoughts known to fellow Wonketteers. WTF....

@Canuckledragger: Any man who was President? I have two words for you: Jimmy. Carter.

@Canuckledragger: Thank you for stickin' up for Ronald and me, Canuckle; that's what real men do(ahem, Irasglasses).

@jagorev: Taft was President once, and I can't imagine anyone wanting to blow him.

God Damn you Michelle Obama for getting to see barry in and out of jeans whenever you want! way to get rewarded for hating america.

@TJBeck: where do offering barry a pillow and other episodes of general bitching fit on that chart? plus i think you're going to have to add, supers impressed upon seeing pics of barry in jeans to the chart, that's surely got to move some undecideds.

"The Media" keeps talking about how everyone has fallen out of love with Barry. This post proves them wrong.

@TJBeck: Vunderbar! Tip 'o' the hat.

Brother Barack. A smile is worth a party's presidential nomination!

@jagorev:Back when Bubba was having his Monica troubles, I'd get drunk every Friday night with a large, fluid group of lady lawyers. Talk invariably turned to Bubba, etc.

They each opined that they, too, would have blown Bubba, had they had the chance. A little slow on the uptake, I asked if Bubba was really that hot [couldn't see it, myself....] Each said, "Hell no, I'd do him because he's the President." Even the couple of ladies who'd previously expressed a disdain for performing that act.

"So you'd blow just about anybody who was President?" I asked. "Yup." To the last woman. "Yup."

That disabused me of certain long-cherished illusions I'd had about teh laydeez.

As for Jimmy The C., - hey - he got Rosalyn somehow. And she was a mighty fine specimen of feminine pulchritude back in the day.

@jagorev:Back when Bubba was having his Monica troubles, I'd get drunk every Friday night with a large, fluid group of lady lawyers. Talk invariably turned to Bubba, etc.

They each opined that had they had the chance, they'd have blown Bubba too. A little slow on the uptake, I asked if Bubba was really that hot [couldn't see it, myself...] Hell no, they said; they'd blow him because he was the President. This included a couple of lassies who'd previously expressed their disdain for that particular act.

"So you'd blow just about any man who was President?" I asked. "Yup." To the last woman. "Yup."

That disabused me of certain long-cherished illusions I'd had about teh laydeez.

As for Jimmy The C. - hey - he got Rosalyn somehow. Back in the day, she was a mighty fine specimen of feminine pulchritude.