How Hillary Clinton Will Win The Nomination Now

So Hillary Clinton has announced that she will stay in the presidential race until there is a nominee. By most measures, there already is one, so she is stupid. But Elite Math still says that she has a chance of winning this thing, as the above scenario from CNN’s thrill-a-minute delegate counter shows. In this one, she will clinch the nomination (with one extra delegate!) by winning 45% of undecided superdelegates and 100% of remaining pledged delegates. Yes She Can! What other possibilities are there for Hillary to become president, according to this fun CNN game?

  • If Hillary only wins 70% of the remaining pledged delegates, that means she only needs the magic number, 69%, of undecided superdelegates. Get it, it’s like sex, haw haw haw!
  • If she and Obama split the remaining pledged delegates 50-50, she needs 84% of the undecided superdelegates to endorse her loser campaign. As the Clinton camp is surely aware, some guy wrote a book called 1984 once that depicted a dystopian future. “84″ is an omen, and Hillary’s the only candidate who can bring us that dystopian future!
  • Say Obama went crazy and won 60% of the remaining pledged delegates. Well he’d only be screwing himself, as it happens! Hillary would then need 92% of the undecided superdelegates, and what happened in 1992, OH LET ME THINK, maybe that’s when her husband beat some old Republican and took over the White House?! Let’s do it again!
  • The most likely scenario for Hillary to become president, however: Barack Obama wins 54% of the remaining pledged delegates and 60% of undecided superdelegates, and Hillary shoots him in the face with her fake Hitler Gun, and then Al Gore becomes president again at the convention and she shoots him too, the end.

Delegate counter [CNN.com]
Hillary Clinton says she’ll stay in the presidential race [AP/Google]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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