…And she’s single! Well maybe not, but Hillary Clinton will soon be single when Bill divorces her and becomes president again on his own terms. Because Hillary is losing her ass off in North Carolina, and will only win by like 5 points or whatever in Indiana (although they haven’t called), and Bill never loved her anyway. Then we can go back to liking Hillary ironically until she dies, in 2209 AD. More liveblogging? More liveblogging!
8:29 — They still haven’t called Indiana yet; it’s is 55-45 Hillary with 50% of precincts reporting. So this is 51% more precincts reporting than it usually is when they call these things. What gives? Apparently “large” urban centers like Indianapolis and what, Gary, they have a city named Gary, haven’t been fully reported. And guess what kind of people live there? “Rappers.”
8:32 — Rush Limbaugh is apparently NOT making every Republican vote for Hillary, according to Sportscenter‘s Keith Olbermann. Republican voters in the open Democratic primary are going 52-46 for Hillary, so it’s not a CONSPIRACY, except for DIEBOLD.
8:34 — Pat Buchanan wonders why Barack Obama cannot win West Virginia if he’s the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination. So he’s answered his own question.
8:42 — Republicans think — 58% to 37% — that Barack Obama is more likely than Hillary Clinton to beat John McCain, according to exit polls. But clearly no one thinks that John McCain will lose.
8:43 — Norah O’Donnell gives that stat about Republicans and asks Keith and Chris if it’s their “favorite exit poll info of the night,” and Chris and Keith giddily say yes. Everyone on MSNBC masturbates to Barack Obama three times a day, and that’s a Liberal estimate.
8:45 — Obama chief strategist David Axelrod is on the teevee now, and he’s just not a good-looking fella. He’s from Chicago and it shows. No, not the ugliness! Just the unattractiveness.
8:47 — Here’s Chuck Todd now, that nice delegate boy from MSNBC who you always rejected when he asked you to Prom.
8:48 — God, how hot is that lady in this post’s picture? I’d marry her for her money, any day.
8:49 — So apparently Missouri Sen. Claire McCaskill was on teevee earlier and declared her love for Chuck Todd. They just asked Chuck Todd about this and he got SO AWKWARD! Just date her, Chuck! You’ve gotta lower yr expectations.
8:50 — Ha ha ha, they are now interviewing Harold Ford Jr. in a segment called “The Insiders.” It merited a “ha ha ha” because Harold Ford Jr. isn’t an Insider at all, he lost his Senate election last year and now is nothing, while his black friend Barack is going to be president.
8:54 — Is it possible that Hillary would go back to the White House as vice president? We could easily see her being the next Dick Cheney, if that’s what you’re asking, Harold.
8:56 — Now might be a good time to remind the American people that Ron Paul is already president.
8:57 — GO RON PAUL 2008 WORLD OF WARCRAFT KING.
8:59 — Obama’s closing that gap in Indiana, now that the Colored Votes are being counted. It’s 53-47 now. Can that please happen, so I can on my vacation after posting about this shit 10-12 times a day for seven months? Oops, I mean, “I love the competition.”
9:02 — Tom Brokaw’s talking, but since I’m not 89 and a Normandy veteran, I’m not worthy of listening. Instead let’s just post a funny Wonkette reader e-mail from earlier today, about Jenna Bush:
“I went online to look for her wedding plans, and all I found on your site was FILTH ! This is a daughter , just like carter and Clintons…that is just Terrible. I will never go on your site again. I always told my kids, if people have to talk about you that much and say bad things, then you must be pretty important.”
THIS IS A DAUGHTER, PEOPLE!
9:05 — Andrea Mitchell calls black urban centers “Obama areas,” the ones that have not been counted because of slavery.
9:08 — Barack Obama is about to speak to his supporters soon, so we’ll end this live blog. Next up will be Sara K. Smith, who has been out on the town all evening but will liveblog his speech.