Wonkette
After all, wasn't the inventor of basketball, Al Gore, from Indiana anyway? These are two of the many questions surrounding tonight's Indiana primary, which will be followed by a North Carolina primary like 30 minutes later. Results, that is. Is Chris Matthews punching Keith Olbermann yet, which is what he does to get off? Let's liveblog more (part one here) and hope that Hillary doesn't finally kill our souls forever.
7:30: Barack Obama projected to win North Carolina; Indiana too close to call but Hillz is winning.
6:45 — Norah O'Donnell looks hot, and maybe pregnant, but she is showing a lot of legs and they look just fine.
6:46 — Hillary Clinton is winning Indiana by 22%, with 3% of precincts reporting, and this is because of the Blue Collars of course.
6:47 — Fuck you, Chris Matthews, please stop analyzing how Hillary is winning the state of Indiana because she took shots with beer chasers. Just fuck you you fucking fuckity fuck.
6:48 — YOU ALL ARE TERRIBLE NOBODY LIKES YOU PEOPLE ON TEEVEE. Some hobbit gal is talking about how people (Chris Matthews) thought Hillary was a "white-wine swilling" Ivy League elitist, until she had a shot of whiskey at a bar in front of cameras.
6:49 — The hobbit gal went to Brown, OH HO HO, SHE CAN'T TALK.
6:50 — Tom Daschle! Ha ha no way, didn't he die of anthrax on 9/11?
6:51 — He thinks Barack will win the thing in like mid-June, because who is this Hillary person anyway. Whatever, South Dakota Loser Tom.
6:53 — It's Tim Russert, the most important journalist in American history. Give us the imminent, dire situation report, Tim!
6:55 — The Dire Tim Russert Situation(TM): If Hillary does not win Indiana by enough. If she only wins by single digits. Will the superdelegates then. And Hillary's own supporters. PUT PRESSURE ON HER TO END THIS? This is an incredibly important time. It is just that crucial.
6:57 — Commercial break, while Tim Russert writes the 7:30 analysis which will be something like, "Can Hillary go on. There is a lot of pressure on Hillary to not go on. From party officials. Can Hillary go on. If she wins. By three points?"
7:00 — It is POLL CLOSING TIME, and FOUR PERCENT OF VOTES ARE IN, and MSNBC still will not call this race. Elitists.
7:01 — BREAKING NEWS ALERT THAT WE ARE SERIOUSLY NOT MAKING UP: Polls will have to stay open in some county or other in northwest Indiana because of (official reason) "human error." Chris Matthews explains that some poll worker fucked up the voting process because he couldn't turn on the machine for several hours. This is actually what happens, this is why polls are staying open late in a county or two. Fuck you, Indiana, no one likes you and your basketball Hoosiers and Gene Hackman too.
7:02 — Oh look, Hillary's chairman Terry McAuliffe. This is the man who owns Hillary Clinton's campaign:
7:04 — Let's search the archives for that "other" picture of Terry McAuliffe, and then maybe by the time we've found it he'll be done talking about why Hillary will be the new president after Michigan is counted:
7:07 — Oh this should give us a much-needed shot in the arm: it's now the most famous loser in recent history, John Kerry, talking about stuff. Hey John, show yr tits!
7:08 — Please don't show your tits, ever, John Kerry.
7:09 — Tom Daschle, Terry McAuliffe, John Kerry. It's like an early 2000s Hall of Monster Democrat Fame! Where's Dicky Gephardt, or Joe Lieberman? Oh right, one is dead and one is John McCain's slave.
7:11 — Chris Matthews just went on a textbook Cable News Rant about the American electorate, a picaresque tour of characters in trailer parks who "drop g's" and drink beer and bowl on the local ladies' bowling team. I thought it was the Negroes who drop the g's, like all of those rappers on the Em Tee Vee (Barack Obama)?
7:14 — The Most Important Tim Russert In Journalism says, "Obama has been trying to get white women to come to him." And this could be. His downfall. Right now. Obama. With the white gals.
7:18 — Obama wins Indiana's black folks 92% to 8%. That means 46 of Indiana's black people voted for Barry and the other 4 went for the white chick.
7:23 — Pat Buchanan says Hillary is going to win by double digits and this means Barack Obama cannot be president. Welcome to another Tuesday Night with Pat Buchanan!
7:24 — The only good thing about having more competitive primaries is that it keeps giving Pat Buchanan opportunities to finally yell "RACHEL MADDOW WHAT KINDA CARPET YOU BEEN A'MUNCHIN'." Swear to God, will happen by West Virginia. South Dakota at the latest.
7:26 — *Not just saying this because he's the only black dude at the table*, but doesn't Eugene Robinson sound exactly like Cleveland from Family Guy tonight? Someone do an audio mash up!
7:30 — NORTH CAROLINA POLLS CLOSE: Barack Obama is president of North Carolina, there is a projection! You know why? It's a secret. (ALL THE BLACK PEOPLE VOTED FOR HIM).
7:33 — Blah blah Tom Brokaw old. This is a good time to pass it over to Ken Layne, who has finished feeding his 45 children. New thread shortly! (IT'S UP GO HERE)
Comments
Indiana is Alabama without the blacks. Hillary should be winning there by 20.
Anyway, bring on all the horrible racist rednecks in West Virginia and Kentucky! The next two weeks of press coverage will set the reputations of those states back decades further than they are already.
@JimNewell: She's pregnant and expecting in July.
Gold satin hotpants? Those small-town Hoosier lads are surprisingly cosmopolitan...
Luckily Hillary's camp has just announced that you need 41,000 delegates to win, so surely she will bounce back.
+ Watch video
NUNS NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE! BECAUSE OF NO I.D.!!!
(I didn't write the title.) (Skip to 1:30)
Obama drinks PBR? What a coincidence; I'm about to get fucked up on that too!
As a KU grad/fan, I feel compelled by my midwestern lack of humor to point out that the inventor of the basketball was a libtard Canadian living in libtard Massachusetts.
@IrasGlasses: We let papists vote now?
I only have one alcoholic beverage in the house: Southern Comfort.
I can't wait.
@Senator Boomdog: Dude. Leinie's Summer Shandy is out. It's lemony and delicious and perfect for spring/summer afternoons on the porch (because I work from home and can take my laptop out to the porch and drink).
@Senator Boomdog: How do you get fucked up on PBR? How many do you drink an hour? Does Obama get fucked up on PBR? Do we want a fucked-up-on-PBR SECRET MUSLIM answering the White House phone at 3am? Does anyone have any further PBR-related questions? Anything else I can hyphenate for you tonight?
I honestly cannot wait to see how demonically insufferable Hillary gets when she starts pandering to fucking WEST VIRGINIA voters.
@PeteJayhawk: Gwen Ifill just said, "We'll just see if the ball gets hit to the superdelegates."
Don't you mean the balls?
@loquaciousmusic: All I have is a bottle of vodka in the freezer and goddamnit I want to go home and drink it.
@Guppy06: Even "recovered" sex offenders retain their right to vote. How else could Mark Folley get elected?
If there's one thing I've learned from prior primaries ...it's that it's more fun to keep the TV turned off and just get my news from Wonkette. Thanks, Jim/Ken/Sara/commenters!
Found her voice? This makes the fourth fucking time she has found her voice in this campaign alone. I want to hate that woman more than anything else in this cold, cold world but instead I have to hate dickweeds like Tim Russert who repeat that line and don't call her out on it.
[politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com]
Um... that doesn't look so good?
What channel are you lesbians watching? I'm watching that fuzzy pudgy guy on the CNN.
@loquaciousmusic: She's obviously a fan of baseball...a sport for which Indiana doesn't even have a team.
I swear, I'm an odd breed - Kansan sports fan with a high degree of political snarkiness. Maybe if Bob Dole were still alive he'd agree.
@Dave J.: She doesn't have to pander. All she has to do is whisper, at the beginning of every appearance there, "That other guy? He's black, and he's uppity."
@termite: I drink Jack in between.
@Dave J.: She's gonna knock out a tooth and wear overalls for a week.
A massive wad of Redman at each campaign stop is more likely, though.
@loquaciousmusic: Join the rest of us libtards on MSNBC, it's the channel least likely to make you want to put a shotgun in your mouth and pull the trigger tonight.
@Godless Liberal: No shit. I really can't stand Hillary. I don't really have much of a problem with her actual policy stances (outside of Iraq issues), but I cannot fucking stand listening to her. The biggest thing I like about Obama is the fact that he is a candidate I can actually go vote for without cringing. I voted for Kerry out of Bush-hate and voted for Gore out of...well, Bush-hate. Obama is a candidate I actually somewhat care for, and I'll be sad if I have to go to the polls in November to cast a vote for Hillary solely because she's not a Republican.
The guy on CNN just said, "We're all white now on this state." He was talking about the colors on the map, BUT HE WASN'T, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
@eatsshootsleaves: Considering the comment on Political Ticker don't even spell "Wright" correctly, I worry not.
@Dave J.: I would put money on her, at least once, endorsing creationism in order to get the WV vote (and then backing away rapidly when confronted by the media)
@jagorev: I can appreciate that the talking heads on MSNBC are pretty clearly as sick of this whole thing as the rest of us. Wolf Blitzer is going to be found swinging from a belt in his dressing room as soon as the Democratic nominee is decided.
CNN just...
...didn't call shit.
(I'll stick with CNN so that you guys don't have to.)
@loquaciousmusic: I'm watching Fox. They just called it for Bush.
MSNBC says too early to call even though Hillary's leading 59-41? C'mon you pussies, we all know what the result's going to be.
@loquaciousmusic: I am surprised they are going to let more than 5% of the precincts report before calling it one way or another.
Hell, I half-expected them to call it Sunday.
MSNBC is starting (starting) with Terry McAuliffe. Jesus.
@shortsshortsshorts: Bush? I'd have thought Reagan.
I don't even know how Terry McAuliffe manages to look at himself in the mirror. What a whore.
@shortsshortsshorts: Comments on an AOL blog aren't smart? Why, I never!
I read AOL Fanhouse and it seems like every third post, regardless of the subject matter, turns into a racist epithet-fest.
I'm so desperate that I'm drinking SoCo at room temperature.
Peterjaywalk: You may get your yayas by denigrating the good people of Massachusetts but at least we had the good sense that god gave us NOT to vote for either Bush or the "affable dunce Ronald Reagan" or any other 'publicon.
Say what you want, but we have a clear conscience that we didn't contribute to the atrocities of the last 7 years! So stick that in your knickers.
The Naismith Hall of Fame is 3 miles from my home--the Basketball Hall of Fame.
I'm glad Wonkette will cover the returns because I certainly do not want to hear Wolfie Blitzer and his useless idiots on CNN and I sure as hell don't want to ever hear Matthews, Fat Timmeh, and especially ol pigface Scarborough.
@jagorev: He must be angling to be her press secretary.
Terry discounts the exit data . . . favors the cable-heads calling it. What do they base their callings on?
Why can't he win? Because Indiana once had one of the most active KKK chapters in the entire fucking country. No joke.
Damn you bastards with your cable television and alcoholic beverages! Some of us are at work!
@Scott-san: The guy on CNN just said, "Toobin just set the bar considerably lower."
Dude, don't blame Jeff Toobin. It's all Tweety's fault.
What do you expect of a state that has a "Clinton County" right next door to a "White County"?
@demtard: Once had? Shit, they probably wore their hoods to vote today.
@El Bombastico: I shall drink a shot for you, Mr. Boombastic, Mr. Lover Lover!
Oh, Christ, it's John Kerry. I'm drinking constantly until he's off.
i@chezlounge: Massachusetts voted for Reagan in '84, the only state that didn't was Minnesota. Though full credit to them for being the only ones to vote for McGovern over Nixon.
John Kerry speaking on behalf of Obama is almost enough to make me want to vote for Clinton.
@Senator Boomdog: Ouch.
Who do I hate more, Kerry or McAuliffe? I CAN'T DECIDE
@PeteJayhawk: Racist epitaphs= Endless Party WOOOO!!!
+ Watch video
Howard Dean on SCOTUS's voter suppression decision last week.
@chezlounge: I was kidding about the "libtard" thing, BTW. Relax.
Interestingly (if you care about basketball), James Naismith is the only coach in KU history with a losing record.
@shortsshortsshorts: Racist epitaphs?
PeteJayhawk
1980-2008
He was a honky-ass cracker.
Okay, so don't think I'm saying the last four years have been awesome, but I am so happy we didn't make this guy president four years ago. I would still be asleep from his inaugural address.
Oh my God! How unfair! Cindy "Cougar" McCain is a talking head on CNN!
@demtard: What? I was slamming Indiana, not you. I have spent way more Thanksgivings and Easters in Indiana than any human should be forced to. The only redeeming thing about that state is there's a White Castle every mile and a half.
Did Chris Matthews just say "droppin' G's"?
@Godless Liberal: Funny, it's almost enough to make me fall asleep.
Donna Brazile just called whatshisname her "boo."
Jagorev: I guess I had forgotten that. But we did dispense with Mittens pretty damned fast--that boy was going nowhere as far as the people of this state were concerned. He was one step ahead of being run out of here.
Every time Matthews mentions Hillary or Rev. Wright have a pop on me.
@demtard: God I know. Valparaiso University was founded by the fucking Klan. And now the handwringing about why Barry can't win the (obviously not racist) uneducated rural white votes.
@jagorev: I'd enjoy stabbing Terry McAuliffe with a rusty knife.@Godless Liberal: Hillary Clinton has found her voice so many times she should start naming them. This latest one could be Crystal, or some equally white-trashy name.
@Cicada: That is how she is going to win in Gary, along with her habit of jacking bitches and sipping on a foe-tee.
8% of blacks voted for Hillary? Race traitors!
While we wait for nothing, let's have a caption contest!
@loquaciousmusic: "Wouldn't have to listen to Donna Brazile ever again" is a permanent resident in the "pro" side of whether or not I should shoot myself.
Blacks going Obama 92-8? Jesus
@Godless Liberal: Hillary can now relate to the inner city folks, 'cause her staff had her play GTA IV for six straight hours.
Big-head Russert makes me itch. He sounds like he has a phlegm ball in his throat ALL THE TIME. Just cough and spit, man.