Making a sadder story just a little bit sadder still, today the cops have revealed D.C. Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey’s suicide note. Instead of blowing the lid of Dick Cheney’s particular perversions or David Vitter’s favorite style of Depends (logo of Elmo in wheelchair, masturbating), the two-page note is a heartbreakingly dull list of trivialities in grade-school girlish handwriting.
Palfrey has one page just for the police or medics: “DO NOT REVIVE (DNR),” it says, a command often seen on the refrigerators of elderly or terminally ill people who don’t want their lives artificially dragged out. And because her life ended in Florida, there was a special message for Florida’s Republican legislators and their beloved feeding tubes, in case the hanging wasn’t completely successful: “DO NOT FEED UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.”
The other page is a note to her mother, including minutia about settling debts from a Bank of America account and Palfrey’s expectation that she would emerge from prison six or eight years from now “a broken, penniless and very much alone woman.” Palfrey assumed her mom would be dead by then.
Hey but at least David Vitter is still in the Senate, and even if he’s eventually voted out of office, he’ll have wonderful Senate health and retirement benefits for the rest of his miserable (but comfortable) life.