McCain Calls Friedman Chauffered New York Elitist, Is Wrong

On-again, off-again douchebag New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman was pleasantly trenchant in his column on the "gas tax holiday" yesterday, in which he proved in eight or nine different ways why John McCain is a traitor for proposing this. A CNN anchor brought up Friedman's column with McCain today, and McCain comically called Friedman a gay New York rich liberal pinko elitist. And then he felt bad and said he loves Thomas Friedman. What gives? We're hearing that his campaign advisers forgot to give him his strawberry cream cheese-coated "Remembrall" this morning.

McCain responded to Friedman's criticisms with the old... well he just made up some shit. "And I understand in New York City that you don't really drive a long way most of the time. But -- and then maybe you're chauffeured."

It should be noted that John McCain -- thankfully, for our safety -- has most likely not driven his own car since he entered Congress 25 years ago. That would be the job of his pet giraffe, Spanky.

It should also be noted that Tom Friedman lives in the suburbs of Washington, D.C. and drives a hybrid.

Perhaps realizing these two things that have been noted, as well as Friedman's permanent erection for all things globalization, McCain felt bad about his word choice and apologized like a little fairy forever:

"I'm not against Tom Friedman," McCain clarified. "I like and admired and respect him."

Perhaps realizing the sting of his words, McCain then used the final question on an unrelated topic to again underscore his warm feelings for the left-leaning columnist.

Citing Karl Rove's op-ed yesterday in which he suggested McCain open up more, Roberts asked McCain if he wanted to share a personal anecdote.

"Not really," McCain said. "But again, I want to -- could I just reiterate my affection and respect for Tom Friedman and all economists?"

"All economists" have rejected said affection.

[ Jonathan Martin ]