Wonkette
You may have gathered from this photo that Hillary, like ol' Barry Obama last week, put on a big media show at a freaking gas station today to illustrate how much the high prices hurt her feelings, as an American motorist. The Associated Press — the most objective news source ever — covered this event, as they have every other event in world history, and put out the most bitter, sarcastic write-up imaginable. Check out the first few paragraphs after the jump, because they are a stitch.
Hillary Rodham Clinton, a former first lady who hasn't driven a car or pumped gas in many years because of Secret Service restrictions, joined a blue-collar worker at a filling station Wednesday to illustrate how the high price of gasoline is squeezing consumers.
The Democratic presidential candidate and sheet metal worker Jason Wilfing, 33, pulled into the station in a large white Ford 250 pickup truck, Clinton riding shotgun. Never mind that it wasn't even Wilfing's truck — he had borrowed his boss's larger vehicle to accommodate Clinton's security agent and personal assistant, who rode in the back.
Trailing Wilfing and Clinton was a Secret Service motorcade consisting of six gas-guzzling Suburbans, two squad cars and a green SUV bearing photographers and TV cameras. Several other reporters and cameramen stood shivering in unseasonably cold temperatures, ready to capture the multi-vehicle arrival.
The various wire services and national press corps should write a tome after this election with each individual reporter describing, colorfully, that time Hillary didn't give them a blanket.
Play of the Day: Clinton visits gas station for cameras [AP/Yahoo]
Comments
This is back-page news, people. What's the latest with Blackie O'Black and his Hateful Reverend Frienemy?
This write-up was "bitter," you say? Well then, Hillary will be swift to deny that and say the Associated Press has great values and to not implicate she's a hypocrite for having government protection makes you a radical Muslim elitist.
Yeah, Hillary visiting a gas station is about as realistic as Barack Obama at a diner, or John McCain in any part of America outside of Washington, DC.
Nothing says regular American Joe quite like a Burberry quilted jacket. You know as an American I find it offensive that she would wear a Jacket from Tory fashion house Burberry, but I guess that is just the climate we live in today.
Finally the AP calls "bullshit" when they see it. That's okay by me. It almost makes up for Nedra Pickler's hit pieces on Obama's "patriotism issues" that sounded like they came straight out of Sean Hannity's descending colon.
@officejob9000: Actually, Burberry says "guido" as far as I'm concerned, so it's a great way to reach out to her ethnic, religious, poor white voter base.
She didn't give them blankets because she didn't know it was cold. She was jacked to the gills on bourbon.
That must be a hella big rig to fit Madame, her bodyguards, her assistant, her publicist, her pollster, her pollster's publicist, her stylist, her regional strategist, her biographer, her chef, her food-taster, and her interns and still have enough room in the bed for a couple non-union day laborers who she can stand on so as not to soil her Ferragamos at some filthy plebian fuel-provisioning depot.
@Scott-san: Why do black people hate America so much?
No, seriously.
Funny! After the inevitable firing, perhaps the AP reporter can look for a job at the Wonkette Media Empire®.
PS: Where's your flag pin, Hilz?
It would be great if more articles were written that way -- where the hell's that tone when I read AP stories about how the country right next door to Iraq was building a nuclear weapon facility for ten years and nobody noticed? Someone needs to be calling bullshit on that nonsense, but no -- they save their outrage for gas station pandering.
Like this average American, I, HILLARY, am troubled by the price of the petroleum which powers your crude internal combustion engines.
Hillary Clinton is truly a man of the people.
Was her lesbian lover Huma Abedin there? Now that would have been a gas!
Nice to see, though, from the picture that the people running the gas station have managed to stave off starvation for another week.
@jagorev: Burberry doesn't even display their signature plaid in their London stores because it has become the uniform of the "chavs".
how did Barry arrive to his gas station outing? a SMART hybrid?
she later spit out the coffee she bought inside...it wasnt cat poop coffee
Where was the umbrage when the Secret Service cleared out a service station so well for Obama that it looked like a leftover set from I Am Legend?
Did she make him late for work?
@officejob9000: Are you sure that's a Burberry? Pretty hilarious, if so.
Dude, hurry up! Hillary starts her shift at the local factory or whatever in 20 minutes.
Did she have to pay before she pumped, or leave her driver's license with the cashier?
Yah, that's bitter enough to mix with tequila and lime for a puckeritta or somesuch.
@BOO_BOO_HOFF: I'm pretty sure Hillary has to pay before she gets pumped.
Barry stands alone like a goober at a podium with a gas station backdrop. He gets internationally mocked for wearing a $1500 metrosexual-like suit.
Hillary rides shotgun in a F150 being driven by a man-tool half her age who borrowed the truck from his boss. All the while the gas-guzzling secret service vehicles follow behind with the dog-and-pony bitch-face media in tow.
Hillary had some fucking huge BALLS to try and get away with that.
[gto7.files.wordpress.com] Where's Hillary's squeeze, Huma Abedin? I wanna see more pics of her.
I'm glad she complained about all of our tax money she used to fill up those vehicles.
Somehow, this is all Obama's fault.
Also, it looks like a good place to buy the beer and beef jerky she's so fond of.
My heavens, can they not use diesel?
@jagorev: I thought blood lust and lies was how Hillary reached out to her voter base; but jackets work too I guess.
Of course, she told them that she was a life long fan of the Colts, Pacers, Larry Bird and One Day At A Time.
The worst part of today: Albert Hofmann's dead. Which just emphasizes how much this is reality and not some prolonged acid trip.
@Dave J.: Oh yes I am sure, once white women of a certain class background/ spiritually dead emotional core grow out of their North Face Fleece phase, read: college years at private liberal arts schools. Quilted Burberry Jackets are the only choice in the causal outerwear department, well that and grey goose, so warm, so tasty.
I'm glad the tone has been kept high enough in these comments so that no one said Mr. Jason Wilfing had to borrow his boss's truck because Hill's ass was too big for his own vehicle.
@liquiddaddy: Er...huh?
@officejob9000: Give her credit, at least she's not wearing Uggs.
Clinton to personal assistant: "This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you."
@Aurelio: Huma (Hillary's bag-carrier) supposedly lives in my neighborhood but I have never seen her. I hear she is quite a hottie.
Good to see our dark horse candidate getting some press.
JEREMY WILFING FOR PREZ 08!!!
@jagorev: No, that would be redundant.
@CakeHate: Huma picks out her clothes and makes sure she wears them correctly. Basicly, she's Hillary's dresser. What's your neighorhood?
I thought you were being snarky! Hats off to Beth Fouhy.
We Love Her!
Shortly the actual AP writers will be found tied up in a back room and the hunt will be be on for these rogue impostor journalists who are fucking up the program with all their "facts" and "analysis." V would be proud.
But ol' Hillary's been delivering plenty of over-priced gas for years!
Ba-da-bing! Hey! Try the pickled eggs at the counter!
So, here's a video Drudge has up of Hill-Dawg trying to operate a coffeemaker at the same place, methinks.
+ Watch video
A recipe for Baked Hillary
1. Take one abusive husband from Illinois.
2. Have abusive husband force-fuck wife.
3. Make future-mother drink cyanide and smoke crack unceasingly for 9 months.
4. Beat baby until it dies.
5. Re-build it in robot form.
6. Have re-built baby ride on coattails of future-rich husband.
7. Voila.
@jagorev:
Uh, fail.
McCain has a cheeseburger and Diet Coke from McDonald's, and pays his own cash for it.
Obama likes turkey on whole wheat. Last time it was from Panera.
Clinton's list of demands are so extensive and bizarre that it's hard to believe she could even live in Arkansas. And nearly everything that is ordered for her entourage goes untouched. We just pay for it. The privilege of being in her presence.
i wonder what the suicide count at the AP is these days.
@shortsshortsshorts:
OK, Shorts, this is getting scary and people are starting to talk about us. Clearly, we've been sharing the morning paper.
The following is from, I shit you not, the "sports" section - specifically the hockey page - of Canada's counterpart to the NYT.
[www.theglobeandmail.com]
It's not quite the scenario you describe, but damned close. And, for all the kinky pervs here @ Wonkette, it includes a unique twist on ass-fucking if you read all the way to the end:
"A willing partner to "rough sex" could not legally consent to be choked into unconsciousness and sexually violated, an Ottawa judge has ruled in a bizarre case involving a couple whose eight-year relationship featured a raunchy sex life.
Judge Dianne Nicholas, of the Ontario Court, convicted the defendant of sexually assaulting his partner during a sex session in which he choked her into unconsciousness and then committed a sex act on her inert body.
"It is my belief that the reasonable man would conclude that choking someone to the point of unconsciousness does interfere with that person's 'health or comfort,' and can, in some cases, endanger life," Judge Nicholas said.
The victim reported the incident to police in mid-2007 - a month after it had occurred. However, by the time of her partner's trial, she had changed her mind. The woman insisted in her testimony that they had engaged in similar activities in the past, and that she routinely consented to being choked.
However, Crown counsel Mihael Cole successfully contended that an individual cannot consent to bodily harm, such as being choked to the point of unconsciousness.
"It is paradoxical to argue that a person who lacks consciousness is in a position to enjoy heightened or intensified sexual gratification," Mr. Cole argued in oral submissions to the court.
Judge Nicholas noted that the couple - who have a son - had regularly engaged in sadomasochistic behaviour over the years. They even had a codeword - "tweety bird" - which either could use at any time to indicate to the other that a particular sex act must stop immediately.
On the night in question, the complainant claimed that she freely consented to her partner choking her from behind until she lost consciousness.
"He began to put his hands around her throat ... which is supposed to heighten the sexual experience," the judge said.
She quoted the complainant as saying that she was probably unconscious for no more than three minutes. "She awoke to find herself naked on all fours on the edge of the bed, with her hands tied with handy ties (like tie cables) behind her back," Judge Nicholas said. "When she woke up, she was being 'penetrated in the butt' with a dildo."
However, Judge Nicholas rejected the complainant's recantation. Key contradictions in the woman's testimony led to a clear conclusion that the complainant did not actually consent to the act, Judge Nicholas said.
"Even if she had consented previously - or on that night - she cannot legally consent to sexual activity that takes place when she is unconscious," the judge said.
Citing a line of case law involving voluntary whippings, brandings and canings - some from England - Judge Nicholas said the courts have generally ruled that individuals cannot voluntarily invite violent acts against themselves.
Mr. Cole said in an interview that the ruling recognized the case as being anothis now a "sage word" for those practising S&M chockhole cuttfucking?er form of domestic violence."
Does Chris Matthews know that he is now a "safe-word" for S&M futt-bucking?
@Canuckledragger: If only every man could have such a stable, willing and experimental partner.
How the hell do you use a safe word if your sex play includes choking and ball gags?
@Gopherit: The Supreme Court of Canada is currently mulling over those intracies. An opinion is expected once they stop futt-bucking each other. [i.e. early in the next century.]
@Canuckledragger: "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, Canadia!"
@graceless: Seriously? Then she should be fired for her poor taste in clothing. Maybe they keep her around for Bill.
courts have generally ruled that individuals cannot voluntarily invite violent acts against themselves.
There go my plans for the next few decades. Hmph!
@Canuckledragger: I think you should email that to "Hardball"
@SayItWithWookies: I believe he coined that famous line:
In the 60s people took acid to make the world weird; now the world is weird so people take Prozac to make it normal.
@shortsshortsshorts: Boy, you got some weird rules up there in Canuckistan!
@SayItWithWookies: You mean like This story? Granted, it was recycled Washtimes, but the AP was not ignoring Iran's nuclear program 10 years ago, nyeah, so there.
Best subtle dig at a Mother Country, 2008, goes to:
Citing a line of case law involving voluntary whippings, brandings and canings - some from England - Judge Nicholas said the courts have generally ruled that individuals cannot voluntarily invite violent acts against themselves.
@Canuckledragger: I would pay money to see that Judgment. Hilarity is only as funny as its source.
@Gopherit:
How the hell do you use a safe word if your sex play includes choking and ball gags?
The choked/gagged partner waves a silk handkerchief or drops a ball held as a signal.
Er, that's what I'm told, anyway...
You don't want to see Jason Wilfing and Hillary Clinton together in a debate ... it gets nasty right off the bat.
It turns out that Hillary only bought HALF a tank of gas for the truck. HALF!
@officejob9000: Burberry says "yob" in England, and this is just another reason why us yobs love HRC.
If half a tank of gas costs $63, you need a smaller gas tank.
What I like about this campaign is that no matter what the Democrats do, they will be pilloried. Hillary goes to a gas station, they pound her for being there with her secret service detail. If she doesn't go, she has no idea what "reglar peeple" are doing.
Obama goes to a diner...has the temerity to ask for...gasp...orange juice. What a snob.
McCain has a BBQ at his huge estate. Probably has it catered, except for the ribs he burns on the grill. All they can say is what a nice guy he is.
Who do you think is going to win?
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