Barack Obama Is President Of Basketball

Barack Obama is trying to prove that he is a heterosexual male again, by playing sports. All we're seeing is some hapless middle-aged guy playing children's games when he should be talking about health care or jobs or whatever the hell else we don't have in this country. Your sporting youth is over, has-been! You're no Karl Malone or John Stockton or their biracial man-child! But Obama will never get over his high school glory days, and that is why he played basketball with the University of North Carolina's failure of a college basketball team today. More photos of this pathetic mid-life crisis below.

Look at him running like a goddamn golden retriever in hot pursuit of an orange treat. In this case, however, he is running away from Jeremiah Wright, who is giving a damaging press conference at the opposite end of the gymnasium. Run from your pastor, Barry! Run from the Culture Wars, straight into the arms of 12-foot-tall monster Tyler Hansborough!

Yes, sports aren't gay at all.

"Sorry boys -- that ring means I'm married. To a lay-dee folk."

[Pauses]

"My marriage is drowning me."

Here he is with Tar Heels' coach Roy Williams, who, like Barry, has spent a period of indentured servitude in Kansas. He's telling Williams that he knows more about basketball than any coach could ever Hope to. Elitist! The President must not know more about anything than anyone else.

 Obama plays hoops at Tar Heels home in advance of Tuesday NC primary [Lynn Sweet]

AP Photos