Wonkette
It was a pretty bad Condiweek! She went all the way to the Middle East and accomplished little more than photo-ops with the morbidly obese; she bickered with kindly old man Jimmy Carter; and then she came home and participated in one of the most gruesomely cynical Bush Administration publicity stunts EVER. Catch up with America's Princess Diplomat after the jump!
The week started in the midst of one of Condi's OMG SURPRISE trips to Iraq, and you know nothing really happens when she goes there, right? In fact, nothing really happened last week for Condi at all! But there are some very funny pictures.
Following her Iraq visit, Condi made a trip to a huge confab in Kuwait she organized with, like, totally every Middle Eastern country except the ones she doesn't like (can you spot the flaw in her plan yet?). This thing was seriously called the Iraq Neighbors Meeting! Basically, she wanted everybody to agree to step up to the plate and help with Iraq, but their response was to sort of smile at her and pat her on the head. Arab leaders are just biding their time until next January... just like us! Take a look at this and feel the glamour of this visit (All large photos AP):
Hey there, big boy! That's Sheikh Khalid ibn Ahmad Al Khalifa, foreign minister of Bahrain, educated in Texas and an erstwhile campaigner for, of all people, Jimmy Carter. And here's where it gets funny: remember a couple of weeks ago when the Afghans thanked Condi for all her hard work by giving her a dinky paperweight? This time, Condi went to all the trouble to organize this huge, pointless extravaganza and all she got was this stupid t-shirt:
Honestly, have you ever seen something so sad? Maybe she'll wear it while Condicising! Or maybe she'll use it to dust knickknacks! But anyway, here's a picture of Madame Secretary at this event with all her friends who can't wait to see her leave:
Remember last week when we laughed at pictures of Condi with antlers? Wasn't that fun? Ha, ha, let's do it again:
In the middle of all this futile globe trotting, Dr. Ferragamo found time to argue with kindly old man Jimmy Carter. She was all, like, we told him not to talk to Hamas, and he was totally all, Nuh-uh, no you didn't. And that was basically the scope of their little spat. Why can't you two crazy kids just agree to disagree, huh? What would the Dalai Lama do?
When Condi got back to Washington, she mostly settled back into her matching armchairs photo-ops routine with diplomats from unimportant countries like Georgia and Latvia. The New York Times published a mean editorial saying that Condi wasn't Teflon-coated anymore, but her shiny pantyhose suggest otherwise.
The Condiweek ended early on Thursday when our favorite diplobot participated in one of the most appalling spectacles, truly the most cynical photo-op ever staged by the Bush Administration, and that's saying something! The group of veterans called Wounded Warriors were riding through town, and they're a good group, but should have known better than to be co-opted for this publicity stunt to benefit the people whose policies resulted in their wounds. So I'll leave you this week with this superb gross-out in which Condi laughs and claps for the handicapped soldiers while George tries to figure out what to do with an air horn:
You're welcome. So what's next for Condi? Would you believe she's going back to the Middle East? Maybe this time they'll give her a commemorative ashtray.
Veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) explores the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America's Favorite Princess Diplomat™ each week at Wonkette!
PREVIOUSLY: Condi Meets Pope, Goes To Iraq, Grows Antlers
Comments
Looks like Bahrainian FM enjoyed Texas Chickenfried steak as well. The fake smile of hers reminds me of Homer becoming 300 pounds and Mr Burns puts a hanky on Homer during a photo op to avoid touching him.
The Bush with airhorn pic is beautiful.
"Where do I put my mouth?"
Oh dumb, naive George, everything is new to you.
As Obama's spiritual leader would say: she got Condemnesia.
Ack! Thump!
Really, after that pic, that's what my brain did.
If it weren't for "Condi's Week" on Wonkette, I'd have completely forgotten she is still Secretary of State. Thanks alot.
"That's one loud fucking hair dryer," said Bush.
...can we get a blown shot of that second to last photo! Condi has some legs!
...4th photo. They need to start making those moo-moo's with vertical lines! Not flattering at all!
@AngryBlakGuy: Have you ever seen anyone cross their legs more akwardly? The body language says: "Ain't no one touching MY hoo-haa."
@AngryBlakGuy: That's too big to be a moo-moo, it's a tent.
@Cape Clod: ...call me kinky but the flexibility has my mind in the gutter.
@graceless: ...or maybe a sail?
What makes you think that just because these poor saps got their shit blown half off that they're against the war?
If you're from Buttfuck, South Carolina and your daddy and grandpappy and every uncle all joined the Army at 18 and went off to fight in the Civil War/Iwo Jima/Korea/Nam/Granada/Iraq/Iraq, whining about a lost limb is for limp-wristed commies. And besides, it's not Dubya's fault some raghead decided to plant a bomb on the road to the Baghdad airport....
Sheikh Khalifa is carrying Ahmadinejad's child. Tough titties, George.
Next on Condi's diplomatic offensive: a Tupperware party in Balujistan.
Dubya and Condi celebrating the one sector of our economy that's done well over the past five years: the prosthetic limb and modified bicycle industry. Okay, that and hedge funds, shady mortgage brokers and military frau -- contractors. But they get celebrated every day.
Maybe the Hillbot will beat the Crazy Old Man to it, and ask the Condibot to run as her VP in some kind of imaginary presidential contest.
From the Revelation of St. John the Divine: "And the beast with seven horns shall have a mildly autistic underling; with her silky legs and fine teeth she will dazzle the Multitudes; and yea, in her hands will be an Orb that makes her tell stupid lies; and her Number shall be Six Hundred, Twenty and One."
@SayItWithWookies: So apropos amigo/yeehaw amiga.
Big Boy's probably glad to be in the Middle East where he has a whole fleet of women to blow him thrice daily. 'Cause there ain't no woman limber enough to ridin' that Moby Dick. You couldn't even fuck him with Putin's girlfriend!
I don't think 621 is the number of the beast. I think it's either
1. The odds against Condi closing a deal - ANY deal - before Jan or
2. Something naughty having to do with tag teams.
Meh, Condi is so Last Administration.
Does it seem like maybe, in a last-ditch legacy repairing move, the Bush admin. has taken a page out of the Clinton playbook and is now pimping Condi out?
I'm actually guessing that 621 is his weight.
Well, I figure 621 is text-ese for 6 to 1, which everyone should know by now are the odds against this majestic condilope living out the end of this administration if she doesn't keep grinding off that trophy rack of hers.
Those glorious antlers are even larger and more perfect each time she lets them grow back. I sooo want them for my rec room.
I seriously just spit sprayed iced tea all over my monitor.... President Twaty W. Douche can't even figure out how to work that air horn?!?! Ok, for fuck's sake, who's REALLY been running this country for 8 years?
Shrub is thinking: "Why don't these guys stand up and peddle, like real men?"
Finally, we've found Jabba the Hut to pair with Condi's metal-clad bikini'd dominatrix Leia!
@ Princess Sparkle Pony: I do love those antlers. Please keep the antler pic feature.
Also, the Sheikh's patterned mustard wallpaper? I'm sure my grandmother had that very same design and color in the spare room back in the late 1970s.
Condi is the only genuine trophy in that line up.
The antlers are a spectacular a horny halo.
Hail to the Black Velvet Queen!
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