Hillary’s Magical Maps!

A new land, founded on hunters, olds, bitters, and ladiesTop Clinton advisor Harold Ickes arrived on Capitol Hill yesterday armed with magical maps showing how his candidate would win the nomination if Democrats were Republicans, Florida and Michigan’s excluded votes were included, and black caucus-goers were cast into the sea. These maps created a spacious gulag in the Middle West for educated voters under 40, and demonstrated how Barack Obama could never win tough Republican strongholds like California and New York.

Meanwhile, at a campaign stop in Indianapolis, Hillary Clinton said “I’m very proud that as of today, I have received more votes by the people who have voted than anybody else.” Yes, she has received votes by people who have voted. The rest of that statement is true if you count Florida and Michigan, which nobody is counting.

Asked for comment, Barack Obama played it cool. “I guess there have been a number of different formulations that the Clinton campaign has been trying to arrive at to suggest that somehow they’re not behind,” he said, and then stubbed out his cigarette on Harold Icke’s face.

Hill redraws treasure map [New York Post]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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