What You Need To Know About The Next Few Weeks

If you turn on the Internet and visit any of its websites, you’ll find some guy or gal’s analysis of the Pennsylvania primary results and the future of the election. While there only may be one or two ways to assess the question of “Does an ongoing primary hurt or help the Democrats?”, the Internet’s “Rule of 10 Million” means that there are somehow 10 or 20 million ways to assess it. We’d like to chip into the pot with three of our own, from readers.

Rush Limbaugh operative “Howard” reveals the latest trick up the Republicans’ oily sleeves:

I think Rush is back on the ‘Pills’. On his radio show today he calling for there to be riots, fires, looting, etc at the Democratic Convention in Denver. He says it would be in the best interest of the country for this to happen. Lately his rants are really going over the top.

Well, that last sentence may be a little naive, Howard, but not as naive as the first — Rush never went off the Pills.

Semen operative “David” wants to help his dear friend Barry Obama with some trenchant criticism: he should be wearing Monica’s blue semen-stained dress at all times!

It’s time for Obama to get down and dirty with Hillary Clinton. It’s time to put this thing to bed. Obama needs to get his hands on the semen-stained blue dress of the Clinton White House. This Clinton family relic needs to go on display like the King Tut exhibit and tour the country. After touring the country and with Obama safely the Democratic nominee, the dress could finally, mercifully be dry cleaned and sold at a charity event for abused women.

Finally, here is Wonkette gay operative “Gaye”:

She is not a candidate who can run on her OWN EXPERIENCE – FINANCIALLY, SOCIALLY NOR ECONOMICALLY. SHE HAS EVERYONE – HUSBAND, DAUGHTER, MOTHER, PLUS SUPPORTERS SHE IS PAYING TO HAVE HELPED HER PUT THIS THING AWAY. IT IS ASHAMED HOW SHE HAS RESORTED TO UNETHICAL TACTICS TO CLOUD OUT ISSUES SHE CANNOT ANSWER. SHE WOULD RATHER RESORT TO NEGATIVE AND SLANDER BECAUSE SHE CANNOT HANDLE MR. OBAMA’S STYLE OF CAMPAIGNING. SHE SAYS,’AWAY WITH THE RALLIES, AWAY WITH THE SPEECHES.” Yet, she continues to attend rallies and give speeches along with her daughter, husband, mother, plus others. HILLARY CLINTON CANNOT CAMPAIGN AGAINST BARACK OBAMA ONE-ON-ONE. IT IS AN UNFAIR FIGHT BECAUSE SHE HAS PULLED OUT ALLLLLLLLLLL SHE CAN AND HE STILL HOLDS HER DOWN TO WHERE SHE HAVE NO BRAGGING ROOMS JUST PATCHED UP AND FAULTY ANALYSIS TO TRY A PROVE WHY SHE SHOULD BE NOMINATED. SHE HAS NO CLEAR CLAIM TO THE NOMINATION. HER MATH IS FALSE AND BOTCHED UP, HER REASONING IS UNIMAGINABLE (FLORIDA AND MICHIGAN WHICH IS ACTUALLY NOT HERS TO CLAIM), AND SHE HAS NOOOOOO MANAGING SKILLS TO RUN A WINNING CAMPAIGN. LET’S BE REAL, SHE ALONG WITH CYNICS WOULD RATHER DESTROY THE DEMOCRATICS CHANCE TO THE WHITE HOUSE IN NOVEMBER BECAUSE SHE CANNOT WIN FAIRLY.

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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