When God decided that fundamentalist Christians would have to be poor and obese, he gave them a consolation prize: Their churches could have tacky letterboard signs out front, just like those equipment rental warehouses out on the frontage road or county highway. These signs are used to share comical slogans with the heathens who race by in their fancy foreign cars with “airbags” and “valid registrations.” One such church in South Carolina recently put up this great message: OBAMA OSAMA HUMM ARE THEY BROTHERS, apparently meaning it to say, “Obama and Osama — Hmm, are they brothers?”
Is there a place, other than Donald Duck cartoons, where children are identified as siblings by their rhyming first names? Yes, yes there is. It’s called “the Deep South.”
So you can forgive the South Carolina Jesus nutters for innocently wondering in their own no-question-mark can’t-spell-”hmm” way if maybe the wealthy Saudi hero of America’s guerilla war against the Communist Soviets in Afghanistan and the wealthy Harvard Law Review editor in the U.S. Senate might possibly be brothers.
But what if the Jonesville Church of Christ was implying something more sinister? You know, about how Barack and Bin Laden are both African Devil-Muslims?
Pastor Roger Byrd said that he had just wanted to get people thinking. He said that the message wasn’t meant to be racial or political.
“It’s simply to cause people to realize and to see what possibly could happen if we were to get someone in there that does not believe in Jesus Christ,” he said.
When asked if he believes that Barack Obama is Muslim, Byrd said, “I don’t know. See it asks a question: Are they brothers? In other words, is he Muslim? I don’t know. He says he’s not. I hope he’s not. But I don’t know. And it’s just something to try to stir people’s minds. It was never intended to hurt feelings or to offend anybody.”
Oh, wacky racist southern preachers ….
Anyway, now there’s a new sign, because Pastor Jackoff got a-scared by all the attention. The new message reads: HOW WILL YOU SPEND ETERNITY SMOKING OR NO SMOKING. The no-question-mark rhetorical question answers itself: Every white person in South Carolina chain-smokes GPCs, so they will continue “smoking” for Eternity, in Hell, which is where they are right now, the end.