Wonkette
Chesty Russian President Vladimir Putin denies tabloid reports that he has thrown over his ancient, bloated wife for Russia's most flexible woman: former Olympic gold medalist Alina Kabaeva, who won in the category of "rhythmic gymnastics." She is just 24 years old and a member of the Russian Parliament, so this is basically Sarkozy-Bruni all over again except with a sinister KGB troll and a bendy little minx who lounges around in polyester-blend lingerie from the Dress Barn.
Putin has, of coure, been married to the same tragic babushka for 30 years, and we cannot picture him having sex with anything more animated than one of those robotic talking mounted wall-trouts. This is why rumors of his impending remarriage to a svelte Rhythm Goddess seem implausible at best. But still...
When asked about the story at a press conference in Italy, Putin said that in many tabloids "the names of other successful, beautiful young women from Russia are mentioned. I think it won't be unexpected if I say that I like them all - just as I like all Russian women."
BREAKING WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE PUTIN DIVORCES WIFE AND MARRIES ALL RUSSIAN WOMEN OF ELIGIBLE AGE MUST CREDIT WONKETTE.
Putin secretly divorces his wife and marries rhythmical gymnast Alina Kabaeva? [Pravda]
Putin denies tabloid's divorce report [Sydney Morning Herald]
Comments
She snared Putin when she showed him that trick where women leaning against a wall can bend over and pick up a chair, but men can't.
Rhythmic gymnasts act like seals with a ball.
Dang! There goes my mail order bride.
It's the same old story. Brutal, tyranical dictator loses all his senses and falls for adorable, young minx. Frank Herbert wrote the last word on all this in "God Emperor on Dune."
Seriusly, if you're going to link to a Putin picture, you've got to link to the young Marlon Putin from "A Streetcar Named Desire":
The only thing missing from him being the perfect James Bond villain was a young sexy woman by his side. Glad he decided to get that fixed.
I guess this means we'll be seeing Putin on the Splits
Is that supposed to be flexible or something? Please. And Putin taking advantage of his power? Please, please, please.
Which world leader is next? Does it apply to females, so Angela Merkel will soon go pick up some hot stripper boy in a German sex club?
nice link but i'm waiting for the SKS calendar
[lonestartimes.com]
@Kos:
I thought you were wrong till I found out who his special adviser was.
He must have found out what a drain on the Russian economy the whole mail order bride industry was, and decided to take proactive steps.
KRAMER: Oh yeah. Oh yeah, that's her. (feminine grunts and sighs can be heard as they watch the tape) Look at the height, Jerry, the extension! Now watch the tuck. Handstand, half-turn, giant into a straddle, back into another handstand. Nice kip. Reverse hecht. Oh, nice leg extension, good form! Now, here comes the big dismount. Look at the rotation, full in, double back, and she sticks the landing! (gets up to leave as George and Jerry continue to watch, mouths agape) Perhaps you'd like to keep the tape? (silence) Well, I'll take that as a yes.
[english.pravda.ru]
sorry what was the question again?
i wonder who obama is going to marry once he becomes president?
I'hd tommenht buh mah tung ish tucth.
@FloraWay:
So they enjoy bouncing balls off their noses?
It's a sign of the decline of America as a world power that our politicians pay $8K for overweight chicas and furners get stunning olympic slinky-dolls.
What I love is the moxy. Only in America is it political suicide to fool around or "trade up". Everywhere else it is a 5 point bump.
No wonder Republicans sneak around bathrooms all the time.
"Bendy little minx", ha. Sara K. Smith, I heart you.
@Botswana Meat Commission FC: Essentially...
@TGY:
A-fuckin'-men!
This is what happens when you allow the "genius" that is Rove to mix oil and water in order to win an election. You take the Republican party that is supposed to be all about the penis and you add a bunch of repressed religious nuts and you get total psychological meltdown resulting in bathroom cruising.
The Republicans, if they are going to be true to themselves, should be more like Mark Anthony as portrayed on HBO, bangin' some HOT (it's HBO after all) sheep herder while his minions watch. Instead they are, as sad as it sounds, like Catholic priests, sneaking around to get by the rules imposed upon them to give them power.
Irony!
@metropolitan: a nappy headed ho or Scarlett Johansen.
Well, she might totally be qualified for parliament. I mean, she's probably been in a training gulag for the last 15 years training her hips to dislocate while being force-fed political dogma.
She may be the best and brightest.
Or, she has muscle control most humans can't even dream of, so screw you bee-yatches -- Pooty-poot is gettin' him some strange!
@Botswana Meat Commission FC:
+ Watch video
@FloraWay: Ah, to be a beach ball... or a leotard.
Protecting the endangered Siberian Snow Leopard: [english.pravda.ru]
Rrrrrrr.
@Serolf Divad:
Jaysus, that's a hot photo.
i mean. after watching that video, how the fuck is pole dancing not an olympic sport yet?
this is reminiscent of michelle bachmann's and george w. bush's may september relationship (except it is more like a January December 31st relationship)
@FloraWay:
1.5 tissues on my scale
with ball-handling skills like hers, no wonder pootie-poot's hittin' it.
Good for Putin. He works out, is a powerful leader, still is young. Meanwhile his wife just gets older and fatter on Borsct.
Let this be a lesson to women everywhere to stay in shape, or at least mirror your husband. If he is an overweight couch potato, then fine, you can turn yourself into a 200 lb. bag of chips and bon bons. But if your husband is physical, successful and the like, then keep up, because there are plenty of rythmic gymnasts out there willing to date guys three times thier age and who can still touch the ciling with their big toes. (At least I HOPE there are still of them out there. Between the fucking democrats in the US and communist leaders, they are going fast).
@FloraWay:
I think we've found the 6th Haarlem Globetrotter.
@suburbman:
Why should Repubs worry about ladies? Just run a lady's prison for shit's sake.
@suburbman:
uhm, i don't think putin being "physical" was the big attraction as much as his stranglehold on power.
but then again i have a soft spot for strangleholds.
@FloraWay:
That's the song in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels before the two criminal gangs wasted each other.
@FloraWay:
Hey now. I could watch that sport all day.
@suburbman: yeah, let this be a lesson to women. i guess my most important asset is my ass and my flexibility and my willingness to get fucked. mmhmm.
@suburbman: Wow. That was wonderfully offensive.
Apparently, he's been seeing her for 8 years. Yes, since she was 17.
Jerzy Kosinski had a choice story about a girl like that
She's almost as flexible as Hillary is one the issues.
Oh, it bounced off her nose again. Too bad.
When she learns to catch it with her nose, they'll give her a clothing allowance.
@Serolf Divad: I didn't even catch the edit on that pic at first - I was thinking that, sure, Putin was fit once... Kudos!
@Tony the Tiger IS BACK: As if my day wasn't bad enough already, you had to conjure up that mental image. Thanks, buddy!
From MGM-UA
Producers Michael Wilson and Barbara Broccoli on April 17 announced that Bond fans can expect some "exciting" casting news of a new male Russian villian and a new female Russian athletic beautiful woman as new additions to the cast of "Quantum of Solace."
The producers also said they are considering changing the name of the new film after 1,234 recent polls of 50,450 people found that 100 percent of respondents thought the new title was stupid.
@FloraWay: Now that I'm aware of the whole thing rhythmic gymnastics is soft-core porn for me. Thanks for messing up with my head this way.
Will Putin's wife get half of Russia in the divorce settlement?
@southernbitch: I am with you. This is not a sport. It is bad enough that we are judging "artistry" in figure skating, now we ask these poor old judges to keep from having heart failure when they see this? I say we go back to the pure Olympics of the beginning when it was just naked men with oiled bodies running foot races and wrestling. Pure athletics. heh.
Oh, and apparently she is considered the hottest woman in Russia according to that country's Maxim. OTOH, she may be the only lady in that country with all her teeth. Who knows?
@Pupster:
Sorry, hot and flexible yes, but not the hottest.
Having traveled behind the iron curtain I can tell you that they are stocked full of women who, unfortunately for southernbitch (whom I agree with...especially the poll dancing thing) have learned that where THEY live, it is their butt and how they move it.
She is about an 7-8 on the Eastern Europe scale of hotness.
wait! didn't i see her on fleshbot?
Well, you know, Russian women (and Eastern European in general) conform to either the Potato model or the Bottle of Vodka model. There doesn't seem to be anything in between: you either get бабушка or девушка.
@suburbman: You do this just to get a rise out of people, don't you?
The lesson goes both ways. Pop culture (aka the teevee) assures us that overweight balding slobs get the hot babes because they're funny. In real life, we ladies prefer the guy who looks good at the beach and can tickle our ceilings with his toes. Hence the preference for Obama over McCain. It's also why Cindy Mac hangs out at Coronado with the young gyrenes whenever she's not on the campaign trail or hawking Bud Limelight.
in soviet russia, rhythmic gymnast marries YOU!
What, no one?
(sigh) In Soviet Russia affair has YOU!
wow! synchronized hackery.
@kindofabigdeal - yet another full of herself woman who whines that a guy wants what he wants when he wants it. 'kindofabigdeal'? Check please.
dumped the old cabbage and potato babushka for a young thingie half his age...a dog, yes, but a happy dog!!
@suburbman:
if you say so. i guess a republican will not bother the ladies..
@suburbman: Here you are doing all of this fancy typing when you should be eating dicks, suburbman. Ohhhh suburbman, lover of the cock.
@suburbman: I have no problem with you wanting what you want, etc.. What you do in your fantasy life is of zero concern to me. In real life, though, I think you'll find that most women would rather be full of themselves than be (partially) full of guys like you.
... except, there's no Dress Barn in Russia, morons. Only in the old USA
UPDATE: Putin denies divorce rumors, shuts down newspaper that broke story.
[www.rawstory.com]
@dan: Plus could has many fine children who are strong as oxe.
@kindofabigdeal: Clearly you have gotten losted. Directions bsvk to JezVagicil: [jezebel.com] Hair, clothes amd the other important womenez issues are mulled over there ... endlessly, endlessly until you feel your head will ...
I think G.W. should should trade in that cross-eyed, claw handed librarian for Hannah Montana on his last day in office.
"Look, Laura, it's the only way to get closer to Billy Ray."
Remember, Putin's two daughters have been studying martial arts at Shaolin; if they need to avenge their mother, they can undoubtedly kick his ass.
@Zhubajie: This is a Bond movie just WAITING to happen.
It's insane!
Hmmmm.....Methinks a couple of intrepid Russian reporters might turn up accidentally hung and beaten to death (self inflicted of course!) sometime in the near future.
@Serolf Divad: Stanley Putin? I've never been so turned on yet utterly horrified in my life.
Bindi Minx. My new dancer name. Thanks, Sara K. Smith! I'll give you a third of what I rake in.
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