Wonkette

I like how they show all of his classmates at the beginning, most notably Teddy Roosevelt.

He's trying to turn us all into narcs like him!

There's no way he was a high schooler in the Photographic (1838 - present) or Basketball (1890 - present) Eras.

And his high school honor code and a shiny new nickel (the one with the picture of bees on them) won't even buy him a steak and kidney pie, a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake and a newsreel, with enough change left over to ride the trolley from Battery Park to the Polo Grounds anymore.

kime bud

No Lying.
No Stealing.
No Keating.

This is like so totally radical.

Why is it that all of America's heroes are men?

my friends, i have not said/typed this simple message in a very long time, but this obsequious bullshit compels it: gag me with a frikkin' spoon.

So how does he expect to be president if he will not lie, steal or cheat?

That narrator also told me that "Spider Man 3" was a great movie and that Geico had cheaper car insurance. Both of which were LIES!

John McCain invented forgiveness, which he then taught Jesus.

Also John McCain smokes the wacky weed just like you and I.

I just contacted William Ravenal via "wee-gee" board, he's going with Obama.

Nice way to bring in the religious nuts. The narrator says "I SHALL not..." where the document, although obscurred by smoke, unmistakeably reads "I will not..." Maybe they're channelling Charleton Heston as Moses.

@weazel: +1

@elburrito: I think you're thinking of the wrong guy. This is the guy from Forensic Files.

"Then months after the murder, an investigator examining photographs of the crime scene noticed something..."

I keep expecting McCain to say, "and I've gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you darn kids... and your dog!"

This is insipid. And the narrator's voice ... it's as if he could say "and then John McCain taught us that the world was flat, and monkeys flew out of his butt" we would believe it.

Where's the remarkable part about this, exactly? That he had a high school teacher? That he thinks teaching is honorable but chose to be a politician? That he smokes (what's up with that)? That when he was a kid, he was photographed in black and white, and didn't look nearly so old as he does now? That he went to school in a brick building with big white pillars? That he was a narc (pro-law enforcement) or a weak-knee'd forgiver?

"And then John McCain put down his pencil and said, 'I will do and say what it takes to get elected ... please direct me to Bob Jones University where I may pander to the religious right."

@weazel: But does he reject and/or denounce Charles Keating?

If the narrator would speak at a normal pace that thing could have been over in 60 seconds. Do the old people hear slow as well as drive slow?

All those pics of Hot Young Prep School John really had me going, right up until the visage of his current craggy pasty face showed up. Way to ruin the fantasy, Walnuts!

The way the last line is worded it sounds more like the pledge of the Hitler Jungen then the honor pledge that I took in Military School.

So if you can get past the insanity and actually try to understand the incident they're hinting at, it sounded like John "chose forgiveness" = didn't rat out his fellow student like the honor code said he should? Otherwise I have no clue.

Isn't this narrator the same one Hillary used in her 3am terrorist ad?

@Electoral College Dropout: Haha! This made me wonder ... has anyone started a list of John McCain facts, a la Chuck Norris, about how old he is?

If not, here's one to start us off:

Adam's rib made Eve, but John McCain's rib made Adam.

Ted Williams? The Splendid Splinter? Teddy Ballgame? Did they interview his frozen, disembodied head?

John McCain Fact: McCain invented the phrase "Who's Your Daddy?" He was speaking to Methuselah.

Adam and Eve, John McCain and Lilith.

JMF: The Barringer Meteor Crater wasn't caused by a meteor. McCain tripped and the impact of one of his Walnut cheeks hitting the ground created the crater and wiped out the dinosaurs.

"Forgiveness is the best remedy"? This just in: WALNUTS! is soft on crime and, I assume, wants to give all our babies abortions.

I won't be satisfied until someone 'shops some onions hanging from McCain's belt. As was the style of his time.

John McCain Fact: The original 2-celled organism from which all life eventually evolved is still continuing as John McCain's brain. Sadly, however, only one of the cells is still functioning.

(out-old that one, Smarties!)

McCain must have done something really bad to have this ad talking about forgiveness.

Also, I wonder if he has forgiven the "gooks" who imprisoned him yet (McCain in 1990: "I hated the gooks. I will hate them as long as I live.")

@Gunner: You are simply pointing out his foreign-relations finesse. Plentiful and full of tact that WALNUTS! surely is.

I call bullshit. McCain hasn't yet admitted slaying Abel.

I keep waiting for the voice-over guy to say "ADM--supermarket to the world."

Let's hope there is video of Mr. Ravenal advocating Marx and Lenin to his class.

John "Snitch Bitch" McCain!

Thats awesome. I wonder what the talent fee was for the PBS voiceover guy? Maybe McCain can make an appearance on Lawrence Welk to really target his demographic.

McCain Fact: He lost his virginity in the Big Bang.

@jfruh: No, he turned the guy in but then suggested that the headmaster stop the punishment after 25 lashes, because truly He is merciful (plus it was really young Johnny who pissed in the inkwell).

What remains to be seen: will this ad get McCain the much-vaunted repressed homosexual marine vote?

Obama has obviously not stopped smoking.

And the last codicil in Episcopal's honor code sounds akin to the main policy of the Deutsche Demokratische Republik's Stasi...

. You've missed the real story: Until this broke, John McCain was just another closeted conservative homosexual, still secretly carrying the torch for his High School sweetheart, an older man. I think it's brave and beautiful the way he has chosen to come out. And I think it's a sign that the Media are finally growing up, in that they haven't jumped on McCain's electoral love note to the man who turned him out, er, on to Somerset Maugham, always a Republican favorite and a strong advocate for adoption. Now let's see how they handle the juiciness that is bound to come out about the Dems as the campaign drags on. I heard that Hillary wears women's underwear under her clothing. (Not sure if it's her own.) And one or more of Barack Obama's grandparents was black, or so Bill Clinton keeps saying. Stay tuned. Just the facts. .

Um, granted that McCain was never accused of lying, cheating, or stealing at the Naval Academy, but do the people who wrote this realize that he was probably the rule-floutingest badass that ever graced Bancroft Hall? He was notorious for sneaking out to carouse, drink, and chase women. Of COURSE he's going to be all about forgiveness and redemption.

The RNC has hired Compete.com to help them choose a VP candidate. Based on an an analysis of recent Wikipedia hits, Google searches, and Netflix rentals, Walnuts! has chosen Charlton Heston as his running mate.

Luckily that code makes no mention about going ballistic and obscenely berating people or calling your wife a cunt.

@Gunner: He crashed 3 planes while a Navy pilot (wikipedia says he "survived two crashes and a collision with power lines") even before going to Vietnam. Maybe he felt bad that his family connections allowed him to keep flying in spite of his apparent incompetence.