Wonkette

Isn't it fun to speculate about the possible effects of this kind of ad campaign if Hillary had run it before she lost the primary?

NC tobacco farmers will be happy that Hillz sounds is now a two pack a day smoker, not a quitter like Barry.

Okay, I'll play. "How will you typically feel when I vote for Obama?"

I think I've seen Liddy Dole wearing that exact color.

Her delivery is SO bad. She sounds like a telemarketer reading her script verbatim-- not even trying to sound like a human.

And remember how well her tv townhalls worked? The ones on Lifetime and Southwestern Sports Channel (or something?).

And why does she have a mug in her hand at the beginning? Is that supposed to make me feel like she's more like me? Oh man, I drink out of mugs too!

"Hey Hils, we gotta buncha cash still left for NC. Whaddya wanna do."

"Fuck, I don't care. Burn it or something."

"Can't. I think that's some kind of crime. Look, I gotta video cam. Just blab something for 30 seconds and we'll run with that. We're screwed out there anyway."

"Yeah, whatever. *sigh* [muttering: God, I'm sick of this shit.] You ready? Okay ... [pause] ... 'H-i-i-i. If you're looking for a typical political commercial ... .'"

The static camera shot was framed to show Hillary on the right and the invisible hand on the left.

She's standing left of center from her perspective, but right of center from ours. Is this a subtle political commentary, or bad camera work?

@FloraWay: You should give telemarketers more credit...

Would have been a whole lot more effective (and "edgy")* if she'd said: "The middle class is taking it up the ass."

Just my advice, that's all. Take it or leave it.

*good for the youth vote

before her 3 a.m. nightly phone sex from Hell with Vince Foster, about the economy.

I'm sorry, I couldn't get past this line I was laughing so hard. Well done.

Christ, she sounds and looks horrible. Is she dipping back into her "vote for me because you feel sorry for me!" strategy?

I don't understand the gravity of the situation because my kids are awake.

@FloraWay: Yeah, and from the camerawork, it looks like the cameraman was checkin out her rack right when the film started to roll.

@weazel: That begs the question... has anybody SEEN Liddy Dole recently? Buffalo Hill!

@FloraWay: yeah, Fox Sports Southwest. Why doesn't she just air it on public access? Or an infomercial-- oh wait, she doesn't have that kind of dough.

@demtard: She did kind of do the "hey, I'm up here" head thing. Is it a subtle gesture to remind us that she's female?

This whole video is really ridiculous. I hope that all of the questions are Bill and Monica.

Would have been more effective if she'd done the stand-up in the feed yard of one of NC's numerous hog farms. "This election's not about me, it's about my sows." Something like that.

Silly me, I always thought a conversation WITH someone was when they had the opportunity to say something back. Maybe she's counting "Where the hell are those tax returns, huh?" as the viewer's contribution.

"If you're looking for a typical political commercial, switch the channel, because even Fellini and Antonioni and Nicolas Roeg all working together for a lifetime couldn't elevate this craptacular piece of dung to the level of "typical."

"But at least I got this free mug as a consolation prize. Whereas all you suckers got was a year-long waste of time, money and sleep, and the burning remnants of once-proud political party.

"How the fuck does he keep beating me with... [ptui]... speeches?"

"I'm Hillary Clinton, and I'm broke as hell."

And that's HD aspect ratio. I hope they crop it for traditional broadcast, because she's NOT getting the plasma-watching vote.

@bitchincamaro: or "it's about Bush" then cue stock footage of random twats.

I have no sound, but her facial expressions suggest the reason that church in Wisconsin went Ka-Boom.

Oh wait, I get it -- TYPICAL!! TYPICAL!!

WHITE PEOPLE = TYPICAL!!

Right. "Don't vote for Obama - he's not ... typical ... like you and me. Ya listenin', you stupid hicks!?"

So subtle. So clever. So typical.

I like her necklace, it reminds me of those hats made out of beer can tabs... But that's not what is making me want to drink heavily, whoo-boy. Booooooring. Maybe she's trying to lull me back to sleep since the phone woke me up at 3AM?

You'd think she at least could have reached out to the voters with one of the most elegiac and haunting state anthems I've ever heard, as per the musical genius Petey Pablo:

"This one's for North Carolina! C'mon and raise up
Take your shirt off, twist it 'round yo head
Spin it like a helicopter
North Carolina! C'mon and raise up
This one's for you, uh-huh, this one's for who?
Us, us, us; yes sir!"

There's still time, Hillz. You and Mark Penn, cabbage-patching, taking your shirts off, spinning them, etc.

I smell Victory!

Hey, I'm ready to contribute to her campaign just so she can get a decent-looking ad going.

Who the fuck goes looking for a typical political commercial anyways?

She's right! This election clearly ISN'T about her.

@Tits_LaRue: HAHAHA! I thought the exact same thing about her necklace!

I asked Hillary if she failed math.

@erotic_crab: No, she's on the right, and there was supposed to be a really exciting dancing circus bear on the left, asking for money. But they couldn't afford the bear, and a media consultant said the off-center space looked pretty edgy. And as we all know, she's very, very edgy ... big with the young, hip crowds, and all.

It's 3 a.m., and Hillary Clinton prowls through the budget motel where her campaign now resides (note the posted check-out times notice framed on the wall) with her begging mug in her hand. "Alms for the poor!" she cries. "Have pity! I'm atypical!"

Sing a facetious Helter Skelter, Hillary, and prove your not a typical candidate! 'I go for down a slide, I get to the bottom, and I'm back at the top - I turn and I see you again, and I go for a ride!'

@piobaroja: Indeed, one of the greatest songs ever. And should totally be adopted as the State Anthem. Best council meetings ever when Ms. Bradshaw rips off her top and spins it like a hella-coptah right before going up to the podium to discuss the traffic light problem outside the bakery on Third.

@portlandsmart_ass: They could have at least had a hint at a cross in a book shelf, like Huckabee.

@FloraWay: Maybe Hill's channeling her inner Jack Donaghy. See here: Jack-Tor

"It's weird, what do I do with my arms? I've never thought about that before."

Hillary should marry Barry so she can be first lady again. Everybody loved her when she was first lady.

What a hoot! Both disenginuious and painful.

Please also note that in addition to explaining the mystery behind the mug, the "30 Rock" clip I posted includes an ACTUAL 3:00 AM phone call!

I'd hit it.

Goddamn, that's a big head. It's like a grapefruit on a toothpick. I bet it has its own atmosphere.

Now she'll go cry herself to sleep on her huge pillow.

"These aren't typical times." Then what the f*ck were "typical times"? How about 1863, when half the country was in rebellion? How about 1932, when there was 25 percent unemployment? This is the cheesiest kind of pander imaginable: Things are more like they are right now than they've ever been before!

@Hart88: HEEEEEEEEEEEED! PANTS! NOW!

Seriously, Hills, this is North Carolina. All you have to do is drink some sweet tea, drop Dean Smith's name in there somewhere, and point out that Barry won SOUTH Carolina.

Remember that research, from UC Berserkely I think, that suggested modern conservatives had been picked on as children and thus converted politics to it's current 'revenge fantasy' mode?

I bet HRC supporters, the die-hard kind who get all weepy and indignant, were those kids who never quite got what was cool so joined student government or the Esperanto club. Those kids your parents always liked because they acted like miniature, albeit clueless, adults.

She's truly desperate and scary! And I agree the "typical/atypical" is a race-bait comment- straight out of Jesse's playbook- Amazing, I can't wait for the next one!!

@greatgooglymoogly: Your funny made me moogle.

"Atypical" in the sense that she'll rip the arms off Barry's delegates and then beat the sh-- out of them with their own limbs if they try to signal a vote for him at the DNC? It's over, Hilz.

@Blueland: "note the posted check-out times notice framed on the wall" (lol-spit take!) Hillary will leave the White on for you...

@Tawmn: She's subliminally sending a message that you should want to have a beer with her!

She's really gearing up for seppuku with this trash. Hopefully Indiana-ans can put us out of our misery.

She kind of looks like Paul Westerburg.

Gentlemen.
Old Buckley would have done a much nicer job.

(I'm testing this out as a new meme in different contexts.)

Wow. Harry and Linda Bloodworth-Thomason have really let their production values slip.

I clicked through to the landing page but filling out the registration form just to ask, "Why are you such a cunt?" seemed like too much effort.

@FlakJack: Apparently, she's trying to 'soften her image' by going on Ellen.

@amygdala1: Ellen, huh? I wonder if the campaign had to do a quick cost-benefit analysis between "softening her image" and "fueling the lesbian rumor thing." If she strangles Ellen by the tits during a dance number, a la Chris Matthews, then they will have made the wrong choice.

@FlakJack: Yeah, that was the joke.

Anything. To. Win. Like campaigning outside of PA.

@amygdala1: @FlakJack: She was already 'on' Ellen via satellite.

Plus, Ellen wouldn't have her. She has a hot, funny woman in Portia de Rossi.

I ♥ Hillary and think she'll make a terrific VP, but damn the woman looks like my mother-in-law, right down to her facial expressions.

@Omnilation's Dog: ooh, nice.
@Hart88: mark penn's ass is like sputnik!

back on topic, yeah, what a piece of tripe. glad to see her campaign is so in touch with the youngsters on the internets that they've realized there is nothing that will make them feel more included and interacted with than tuning into a tv show weeks after typing a question into a site to see if maybe that question will be acknowledged.

sheesh, that sentence was like sputnik. this campaign's murder on my grammar.

There has been an eerie silence from the online Hillarytards for a couple weeks or so.

@RssDude:Hillaryous' campaign staff forgot to pay their supporters' AOL bills.

How can she blink under all that makeup?

@FloraWay: To be fair, she's said herself she's only 'occasionally' human - it's probably hard for her to do when the camera is rolling.

Is it just me, or was that camera person a little shaky the entire time? Fine that you pan up at the start, but she keeps getting closer and further away from the edge. Maybe the camera person fell asleep. Oh, wait, that was me.

Had to film it in a hotel room, to avoid the sniper fire.

Hi. If you're looking for a typical political commercial, don't worry, I'm sure the next ad you see will be one of my three-in-the-morning-phone-call spots.

This might have been useful and/or effective... oh, six months ago at least.