Add to Flipboard Magazine.

THE HORRORCitizens of Massachusetts’ 7th District, did you know what jackassery your elected representative Ed Markey is up to? Several days ago he held a Congressional hearing in Second Life, a specially designed “virtual world” for sociopaths, furries, and flying penis “avatars.” To commemorate this special event, Congressman Markey even crafted his own personal avatar: a virtual Congressman Markey who is cross-eyed with gayness.

Joining Congressman Markey in this historic first was world-famous dork Mitch Kapor, and a bunch of other dildoes who wanked off to tales about how virtual worlds are “vehicles for understanding across borders and for building communities” that “can empower individuals, companies, and professionals with the ability to visualize and conceptualize not only what is present, but what is possible.”

Then they all wrote rent checks out to their mothers and fell into a deep, troubled slumber on a bed of Cheetos and broken dreams before dying virgins.

Markey opens hearing on virtual worlds [Congressman Ed Markey]


Previous articleHanoi Jane Endorses Obama So Hanoi John Can Be President
Next articleArkansas Babies Can No Longer Wed, Says Fascist Government