Dorkwad Congressman Holds Hearing In Second Life

THE HORRORCitizens of Massachusetts’ 7th District, did you know what jackassery your elected representative Ed Markey is up to? Several days ago he held a Congressional hearing in Second Life, a specially designed “virtual world” for sociopaths, furries, and flying penis “avatars.” To commemorate this special event, Congressman Markey even crafted his own personal avatar: a virtual Congressman Markey who is cross-eyed with gayness.

Joining Congressman Markey in this historic first was world-famous dork Mitch Kapor, and a bunch of other dildoes who wanked off to tales about how virtual worlds are “vehicles for understanding across borders and for building communities” that “can empower individuals, companies, and professionals with the ability to visualize and conceptualize not only what is present, but what is possible.”

Then they all wrote rent checks out to their mothers and fell into a deep, troubled slumber on a bed of Cheetos and broken dreams before dying virgins.

Markey opens hearing on virtual worlds [Congressman Ed Markey]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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