Hillary Weeps With Joy Over Piles Of Scrantonian Cash

At an elegant Scranton fundraiser last night, former President Bill Clinton told his wife's supporters that right at that very moment Hillary was crying tears of joy at the massive piles of greenbacks she'd finally be able to sleep on tonight. "I just went upstairs and called Hillary, and she was in tears when I told her what was going on at Mayor Doherty's house and how much money Virginia, the mayor and Mrs. (Donna) Doherty have raised here," he said.

The Scranton mayor's three-story mansion was crammed to the gills with heavily perfumed old women and their geriatric escorts, who paid $2300 to stand around nibbling crab cakes for two hours before Bill Clinton showed up and thanked them for all the money. Hillary's two brothers attended as well, and one of them said, "Hillary will never forget Scranton." Hillary Clinton was not in Scranton.

 Bill Clinton dines at Doherty's [The Times-Tribune]