Beyond the Valley of the Condi Veep Rumors

 

OMG!!America’s Princess Diplobot had a busy end of March: She celebrated 4,000 troop deaths in Iraq, reminisced about slavery, and reignited vice presidential rumors all by herself, by doing nothing more than talking to a friendly bear. Way to go, girl! Catch up with Condi after the jump!


Dueling podiumsIt was busy, busy, busy in Condiland last Monday! First, she met with a mysterious beige gnome who turned out to be India’s external affairs minister, but I don’t think Condi liked this grumpy little creature very much. Later, he didn’t seem to be particularly thankful that busy Condi gracefully permitted a whopping 30 minutes of her time to answer all of his silly little nuclear requests. And then later, he had the nerve to gripe about it!

Transcendental vegetation Also on Monday, Our Heroine got a little feisty about Tibet! She thinks China should have a dialog and blah blah blah, and she kinda makes it sound like it’s just some kind of Oprah problem, you know what I mean? “Speaker Pelosi spoke with the Dalai Lama, as the President has spoken with the Dalai Lama,” Condi said, cryptically, but has she, herself spoken to him? No? Whatever. Tibet gets, at most, a furrowed brow from Madame Secretary. It’s not like she’s going to boycott the Olympics or something.

Finally, late Monday, Bush dropped by to meet with Condi and to reminisce about Iraq. Afterwards, he made a little speech to the press about 4,000 soldiers dying and she just stood there looking sad and didn’t say anything. And here’s what that looks like (all Condipics by AP Photo):

Dynamic duo

 
Related video

CondiBahrain.jpgTuesday was a Bahrain-y day. I think Condi ‘n George had already identified the tiny, fictional Arab country as the one least likely to vomit all over them (literally as well as figuratively), so they got together and signed a “memorandum of understanding” about nukes. Um, neat! That’s what, one Arab country down, how many to go?

Daddy NorquistWednesday was a typical one for our career gal: She met with some guy from South Korea in the afternoon after speaking that morning to Grover Norquist’s group and… OMG, what’s that? She met with Norquist’s Americans for Tax Reform? This can only mean one thing! SHE REALLY IS GOING TO RUN FOR VICE PRESIDENT!!! Wait, what? Haven’t we been through all this before? “Someone like Condi Rice doesn’t go to Grover Norquist’s den to talk about the Annapolis Middle East peace process,” Washington Note’s Steve Clemons explains. OK, I’ll buy that. But then the excitable Clemons continues: “She’s going to secure her future in Republican politics and to position herself as a ‘potential’ VP candidate on the McCain ticket.” Whoah there, Mr. Clemons, that’s quite a leap!

He later followed up and, well, it turns out that Condi denied any interest in public office. Again. But did that stop Clemons?

“She took lots of questions — and left no one with the impression that this was just about selling President Bush’s next nine months in the foreign policy game.” Steve, you’re very handsome, but Condi was trying to sell herself, silly! There are a lot of rich corporate boards Condi would like to be sitting on in about 10 months; she’s just warming up the seats, if you know what I mean. Later, Think Progress called it what it was: Condi craving attention.

Thursday was racy for Condi, and by “racy” I actually mean “race-y”, not sexy. Besides meeting with a real black Haitian prime minister at the State Department, she also gave a lonnnnng, long interview with the Washington Times wherein she adorably called slavery America’s “birth defect.” This statement was apparently controversial to her fellow Republicans who like to think that we brought Africans to the New World to make their lives better. There was one really good part of the interview, though; Steve Clemons please take note:

QUESTION: Madame Secretary, I know you have to go. I just want to ask one last question. What does the future hold for you? You say you don’t do politics now, but if you could change the things you’ve just talked about — race in American, economics, opportunity — would you do politics?

QUESTION: And would you consider vice president? (Laughter.)

SECRETARY RICE: Not interested. I’ve been at this, as you’ve kindly said, a long time. It’s time for new blood.

Whew! OK, that’ll take care of those McCain/Condi rumors until… well, same time next week, then? OK!

Hello, he must be goingFriday was a typical Condiday. She had brief photo-ops with Kevin Rudd, the new not-so-Bush-friendly PM of Australia, and some guy from Norway. Neither of them merited the whole matching armchairs treatment. She also went to the White House to hang out with George and, ew, Stephen Hadley, no doubt in preparation for her big weekend trip to solve all the Mideast problems again.

My Dinner with CondreAnd that’s where the week pretty much ends, with Condi in Israel going on and on about that Annapolis thingy again as if anybody still takes that seriously. Later, she’ll also be meeting with Jordan’s adorable bear-king Abdullah, so that’ll be an easy couple of photo-ops. I’ll leave you this week with a picture of Condi doing the “dueling podiums” routine on Sunday with her lesbian soulmate, Tzipi Livni. Tell me these two people aren’t in love:

Soulmates

And finally, finally, who will play Condi in Oliver Stone’s Bush movie?? The smart money’s on Penny Johnson, but maybe Halle Berry feels old enough to do it by now?

Veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) explores the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™ each week at Wonkette!

PREVIOUSLY: Condi Waxes Brazilian

Related

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.