Wonkette
Here's where we are: If you have any trace amount of "metal" on your person, or in your luggage, or anywhere in your life, you are a terrorist and cannot board airplanes. Did you forget, Average American? You are never supposed to do that. Some lady did forget, however, and was forced to remove her nipple piercings with a pair of pliers at airport security. She is very upset, too!
Nipple piercings can be melted into liquid metal and shaped into Terrorism. Everyone knows this:
Hamlin said she told the woman she was wearing nipple piercings. The agent called over her male colleagues, one of whom said she would have to remove the jewelry, Hamlin said.Hamlin said she could not remove them and asked whether she could instead display her pierced breasts in private to the female agent. But several other male officers told her she could not board her flight until the jewelry was out, she said.
She was taken behind a curtain and managed to remove one bar-shaped piercing but had trouble with the second, a ring.
She asked for a pair of pliers as a last resort. She got the ring out with much pain and "said she heard male TSA agents snickering as she took out the ring."
They then let her pass without removing her belly button ring, which she detonated in-flight and blew up the entire airplane. And this is what we call airport security?
Comments
Weird; they let me through with my cock ring and a lighter.
This is the actual picture of what William Shatner saw in the Twilight Zone.
but how short was her skirt?
@Senator Boomdog: My cock ring IS a lighter.
Her boobs coulda been cleverly concealed hand grenades.
Maybe if she had told them she was a Calvinist, they would have let her through on the well-known "Mukasey Exception."
Meanwhile, a "US Scareways" pilot goes bonkers in flight and shoots a hole in his own plane with his government-authorized Glock!
But the TSA cracking down on dangerous nipple rings - I feel safer already.
BTW, what does the TSA do about tounge studs and scrotum piercings?
@ProtonM: fuck, you win x 1,000.
@DickySteele: If they can fit inside your stainless steel butt plug, they are okay.
@ProtonM: My cock burns when I pee. So there.
I shouldn't have clicked on the link. The visual image I had of the nipple-ring owner was much more appealing than reality.
...did you people actually take time to see the woman? Lets just say I'm completely FLACCID at this point!
Oh man Oh man, I can't graduate law school fast enough. That is some delicious settlement right there.
They should never have recruited TSA agents exclusively from the BDSM community.
[nothingtoocool.blogspot.com]
@DickySteele: Actually he shot a hole in his own plane with an H & K USP 40, the airline pilot weapon of (Hobson's) choice.
@jagorev: @Senator Boomdog: @ProtonM:
@grad69: I wonder if being a Calvin & Hobbsist is close enough.
@feelclose: I had my boss walk by right as I scrolled down to that...thanks. I don't know if I should be disturbed by the fact you were able to find such a pic so quickly or if I should applud you.
Why do forty year old haggard looking women from Texas get to wear nipple rings? I mean, I'm getting older, but can't nipple rings be reserved for Suicide girl type chicks? You know, the ones I quit eating meat for in College, who still didn't like me.
What is on Wonkette today? Poop by mail, pee on the cup, spanking the city council member's member, a cock on fire, so it's time to repost the fart-firing guy.
+ Watch video
What boobs those TSA guys are!
@piobaroja: Personally I'm all for 40-year-old women wearing nipple rings. I guess being a bit haggard myself, and well over 40, I find the thought of random matrons concealing a panoply of hardware rather exhilarating.
Note to self: remove Prince Albert before proceeding through airport security.
@ btwfdimho: Classic! This guy is at the leading edge of "green" technology. NASA may want to contact him to develop a fart powered rocket ship. That gas had to be producing thrust.
@feelclose: And that, children, is why Spanish Fly is a very, very bad idea.
@Sir_Walter_Raleigh: F that, I'm not removing mine.
I'm happy to see that Gloria Allred can still find work.
@feelclose: ...you know I had something like that once and some Antibiotics cleared it right up. Take it from me, stay away from the 1 diamond whores!
@G Friday: I'm glad that someone else noticed that. That's the story here.
@AngryBlakGuy: & @joehoya: I think the TSA is prejudiced against the Quaker Oats Man.
After seeing some of the yokels the TSA hires for minimum wage, I picture their conversation going something like "Heh heh, hey Jasper, this lady has metal in her boobies. Maybe if we tell her to take it out, we'll see some nipple. Now hand me those Fried-Possum Bits."
This is somehow Janet Jackson's fault.
If we were all Amish, this wouldn't have happened. Also, there would be no airline industry.
What does one do if their piercing is in the, oh, pudena area? (did I spell that right?)
@baxterthepug: Get out the pliers, baby, cuz that bad-boy is coming out one way or another.
e@baxterthepug: everyone knows the pudena area is exactly where the islamofascists hide their explosives - that's what makes getting minimum wage and a gun such a great job.
oh, that and the gun.
I have waited for this moment all my life (a merging of nipple piercings and national security), yet find myself shamed with a case of premature enunciation. Pity me. PITY ME!
"The conduct of TSA was cruel and unnecessary," Allred wrote. "The last time that I checked, a nipple was not a dangerous weapon."
What, is she crazy? Does "total destruction of any semblance of autonomous willpower and decision-making capacity" not qualify as a dangerous weapon to her? And does she not realize how many politicians those things have taken out?
Seriously, though, these guys should be allowed to have their wildest fantasies come true: they should be sent to jail for this. In a women's prison. And put in a cell by themselves, with one spoon. After the first exhilarating five minutes of delirious lustful anticipation, their crimes should be announced over the public address system, along with an announcement that recreation time would begin in five minutes. They would then have to figure out if they had what it took to kill themselves with the spoon before their cell door opened.
The ring could have been the pin for her Plastique exploding boob. You can never be too save. Or...
just another example of some assholes, who normally would be working at WalMart exercising their new Nazi-god like powers over people who normally would not even notice them.
@disgusted citizen
Oh, they love it. Just love it. When they get to ask some stuck-up looking businessman to take off one more item of clothing (a belt, a tie clip, whatever they feel like) they chortle inwardly, and the good feeling lasts all the way back to the trailer where their suitcase of Old Milwaukee is waiting for them, chilled in the refrigerator.
@regisgoat: Old Mil? I don't know what kinda classy TSA workers you have in YOUR neighborhood.
It's official now: I'd rather deal with the IRS than the TSA. At least the IRS only metaphorically pulls the metal from your body.
Jeezuz! That man with the smoking gun is MY dad!!!!!
But seriously folks, today it's the tit ring tomorrow it'll be the fillings in our teeth. This is ridiculous. I got through Washington-Balitmore with a french-press stainless steel coffee mug in my purse. Nobody even noticed it. I'm bettin' somebody just wanted to see a little boob action. Slow news day?
I don't know why the TSA employees in small airports are such assholes. My parents went through a horrible experience in the Lynchburg airport because they only had a one way ticket. And they were like.. well because we had a roadtrip... Jeez they were travelling with my 16 year old sister. I'm sure they were hardened terrorists set up to blow up the airport. They go on the most ridiculous power trips.
Meanwhile, I mistakenly left a Swiss Army knife in my bag in Boston's Logan airport and it goes through. But another time, I neglected to pack my cosmetics in a ziplock bag. Instead I packed them in a clear zippered bag and the dude went through all my stuff, opened a bill bottle and spilled $300 worth of pills. His reply: I guess because of that I'll let it slide.
Such assholes. I guess mascara and hand lotions are lethal weapons.
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