Wonkette
Hey guess what, people? Hillary Clinton is still trying to "woo" superdelegates by sending threatening letters to Nancy Pelosi; Barack Obama continues to shake his head sadly, with dignity; and John McCain wants Democrats to vote for him. In other words, boring news rules the Internet today, which is why we bring you this important update on the increasingly fragile emotional state of the bear who drove the National Zoo's Butterstick to experiment with hard drugs.
Knut, once the most adorable furred creature in the media since John McCain showed reporters his balls at a romantic Sedona getaway, is now giving Norma Desmond a run for her money in the fame-crazed has-been category. Here's what one of his keepers at the Berlin Zoo had to say:
"He is addicted to the whole show, the human adulation. It is not healthy. He actually cries out or whimpers if he sees that there is not a spectator outside his enclosure ready to ooh and aah at him. When the zoo had to shut because of black ice everywhere he howled until staff members stood before him and calmed him down."
Ha ha, in other words Knut is Bill Clinton in a cheap bear suit.
Knut the polar bear is a 'publicity-addicted psycho', says keeper as he risks his job to speak out [Daily Mail]
Comments
Damn, that bear needs a bath or something. Is he afraid of the water feature in his enclosure?
Is that polar bear trying to be black, so he can get all of the benefits blacks get in Germany?
Next he's gonna find Jesus.
i'm guessing he's the next one to fuck lindsey lohan in rehab...
probably in the dining hall after lunch one day
Andrew Sullivan's new love interest?
i love how this graphic goes from impossibly cute, to terrifying, to hilarious.
Cutline: "Then and now: Left, Knut as a cuddly baby before his adoring fans, and right, as a grown-up 'publicity-addicted psycho'"
...2 attention WHORE diamonds!
Maybe his ursine brain couldn't process the latest irony of all of the SUV-driving yuppies that come to see him causing the ice shelf-destroying global warming that is shrinking his species' habitat.
Don't worry, Knut. We're HUMANS. We know what we're doing.
So Knut is Berlin's answer to Julia Allison?
@Botswana Meat Commission FC: ...its so sad to watch the Coca-Cola Christmas bears self destruct before our eyes. They obviously have graduated frome Coke to pure China white Heroin!
@Botswana Meat Commission FC: My goodness, in that photo the child is perilously close to being eaten by the bear. Who could put their kid in such jeopardy? I didn't even know that Michael Jackson was in Berlin.
I'm afraid Knut has become a publicity whore in the model of Paris Hilton... I mean just look at this shocking image! (Warning, NSFW!!!)
@Serolf Divad:
That I thought he had five legs is evidence enough that more caffeine is needed.
Also, cannot be unseen, indeed.
@Serolf Divad:
Knut and Paris probably bathe with about the same general frequency, as well.
@sinnesloeschen:
Admit it: if you could pay a neurosurgeon to slice out the above Knut image, or the original Paris Hilton image, but not both... you'd go with the Paris Hilton original. No contest.
Knut: Spokesman for DC's right to bear arms.
@WadISay:No, that's the "right to arm bears." Don't tell Andrew Sullivan.
@Serolf Divad: Knut needs a newer limo.
can we give Serolf Divad an award?
@TJBeck:
No, he just needs a pimp daddy hat to go with that crushed velvet interior.
No reward for Serolf David, but on his deathbed he will achieve eternal consciousness. So he has that going for him, which is nice.
Two questions:
1) Is the K in Knut silent?
2) What's the demand for polar bear porn? Because this guy has Dirk Diggler written all over him (him = his schlong).
Motorin' ....
@NBAWRITER1:
1. No, it's K-nut, like K-fed.
2. HUGE, because black and brown bears all like to screw white bears
One more reason for polar bears to be extinct.
BTW: Did Spitzer's blow toad lend Knut her Tan in a Can? Because that's a mighty bronze polar coat he has there.
bi-polar bear.
This is screaming out for a feel-good Disney movie where Knut's plane crash's inside the arctic circle during a publicity tour. Can an attention-whore polar bear follow his insticts and learn once again to live simply?
Either that, or a special episode of Intervention.
@terrymct: True fact - polar bears aren't actually white. They're brown, like Bill Richardson.
@Tawmn: Nice.
Next thing you know that fucking bear is going to announce his intention to run in the Democratic primary for Nancy Pelosi's seat.
There are a lot of parallels between Knut and attention whore (and fellow bear) Bill Richardson....except Knut doesn't sleep around like Bill. (Bill is a notorious philanderer as everyone in D.C. knows.) I think they should both be neutered. I would do it myself if I wasn't so busy surfing wonkette all day.
Knut is already old and deadly! It's time to get behind Wilbaer:
[people.monstersandcritics.com]
When will Barack Obama denounce or reject the support of this child-eating extremist?
@jagorev: Which one? Bill Richardson or Knut (or both)? When Bill orders baby back ribs at TGIF he really means it!
I actually read just yesterday in News of the World that all this polar bear drama in Germany is starting again, because there's another abandoned polar bear cub named Flocke at the Nuremberg Zoo.
Flocke's momma is a dumb whore like Knut's mom (don't even get me started on her) that has rejected Flocke. Bitch probably wants to run away to Las Vegas to become a showgirl. Too bad her dreams will be shattered and she'll be forced to turn tricks in the back of the Golden Nugget like I do. Anyway, Flocke is now being raised by zoo keepers.
Since Knut and Flocke are psychopath outcasts, why don't they get together. You know, shack up, get married and then try the sex thing. It's a love story waiting to happen. But polar bear sex is very sweaty and dirty (don't ask me how I know that.)
This could be the premise for the best "Supernanny" ever.
Knut theme song: "Dirty White Boy" by Foreigner
I've been in trouble since i don't know when
I'm in trouble now and i now somehow i'll find trouble again
I'm a loner, but i'm never alone
Every night i get one step closer to the danger zone
'cause i'm a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, yeah, dirty white boy
Dirty white boy, i'm a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy
@Serolf Divad: bravo. i think i just had my first asthma attack since i was 12.
lest you think it is just the polar bears with issues, note that these fellows need lessons to get the job done:
[www.chinadaily.com.cn]
@Doglessliberal: Any animal that's too lazy to have sex= Darwin doing his job. It's panda hunting time.
@Doglessliberal: I couldn't open the link but I assume it is just another article on the difficulty encountered by morbidly obese Republicans when trying to mate. (Is that what has been driving down the Republicans as a percentage of the general population in recent years?)
@shortsshortsshorts: yes, my husband was noting that pandas are truly proof, if one needs it, that Intelligent Design either does not exist, or it should be renamed Moronic Design. The ones in the National Zoo cannot figure out how to mate, either, so they just inseminated the female again. This is not a evolutionary success story here. (and yes, I know they are dying off because of habitat depletion, but they have a low fertility and breeding rate in the wild, too)
@Miss Perception: oh you must try on another computer. Here is a sample.
"After a male panda living in the den of a female and a female panda living in the den of a male show symptoms wanting to have sex at the same time, the base will place them together in the same den. The symptoms include anxiety," he says.
The base also relies on its more senior pandas to show the way.
"We arrange love-making between two excellent pandas in front of inexperienced pandas, which have never had sex. It does work," Fei says.
More than 30 percent of pandas at the base can have sex naturally, compared with only 10 percent a decade ago, thanks to innovations and an ample supply of pandas' favorite food, such as bamboo and bamboo shoots, according to Fei.
@Serolf Divad:
You know me better than I know myself.
@Doglessliberal: that is actually a more accurate description of Paultard sex than Republican sex. Republican sex involves a lot of carbohydrates and cooking grease.
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