Wonkette
Funnyman "Sinbad" was once simply known as "America's Entertainer," but after his heroic unmasking of the monster Hillary Clinton's "foreign policy experience" claims about dodging sniper fire in Bosnia, historians may well have another title for the beloved comic: The Funnyman Who Saved America.
It was a story seared into the memories of all Americans: Hillary Clinton, Sheryl Crow, Chelsea Clinton and Sinbad went to Bosnia to bring peace this one time, probably during the 1990s. But only Sinbad had the courage to tell the real story: That these women really went to Bosnia to hatch a terrible lie that could've very well put the senile lunatic John McCain in the White House, which would've led to Total Nuclear Devastation.
Hillary Clinton was "married" to Bill Clinton, also in the 1990s. Because of this, she thinks she will also become president. But suddenly all presidents need to have hundreds of years of experience crashing planes for the Navy, so Hillary has been sort of exaggerating her role in World Events. For example, she once bought "Irish Spring" soap, which in her mind means she brought peace to Northern Island.
Another minor event — a happy visit by the first lady, first daughter and two fourth-rate entertainers to see some American peacekeeping troops in Bosnia — somehow became the story of how Hillary ended the war in Yugoslavia by dodging bullets fired by Serbian snipers who had "Clinton derangement syndrome."
The old white women who make up Hillary's audience thought it was a thrilling story, and they rewarded her with a victory in Ohio. Had this shit kept up, there was a 5% chance Hillary could've still won the nomination (if Obama was killed, and not resurrected), and that would mean John McCain would finally be able to say "It's my destiny" again and again in the Oval Office as he ordered nuclear attacks on every country except for Mexico.
But now that awful Apocalypse has been averted, for now, because of Sinbad's patriotism and bravery. Millions are watching the YouTube exposés of Hillary's "Yugoslav Scam" and millions more are hearing about it from their friends who can afford computers. The truth has set us free from imminent mass extinction. So much for your "global kill off" plans, Mark Penn!
In other words, let's celebrate Sinbad's life and laughs.
The man the world knows as "Sinbad" was actually born with some other name, presumably, a number of decades ago.
He probably performs in Las Vegas or Atlantic City.
There are many publicity pictures of Sinbad doing comedic smiles, which you can find on the Internet, the end.
SINBAD VS. HILLARY CLINTON [EURweb]
Did Sinbad Sink Hillary's Claims? [BET]
Hillary Really Under Fire [Boston Herald]
Comments
Thank you Sinbad for your act of bravery. Unfortunately noone gives a crap about you, still.
A butterfly flaps its wings...
I believe Hillary. If she had been making it up, do you think for a minute she'd claim that she went with Sinbad?
They were going to bring Sam Kinison, but didn't want to scare the Serbians.
Still going on about Sinbad? Slow News day?
also, whoopi goldberg is contesting clinton's account that they were raped by unicorns during a white house viewing of "sister act 2." bad news cycle for hillbilly.
@weazel
Hmmmm. Story writen by a man, about another man's supposed revelations about Hillary, revelations that can only serve the political ambitions of two other known and self admitted men. You don't have to be Gloria Steimen to see what's going on here.
...whomever does his wardrobe must suffer from type of degenerative brain disease.
And to commemorate this act of Bravery, March 26th was heretofore known as "Sinbad Day", a holiday we now commemorate by donning splatter-painted elastic parachute pants.
I wish this were true. I wish it really did bring Hillz down, but if you go to Jezebel, you will see that this is not true.
Oh, and when my dad was a manager at Allstate, Sinbad performed at one of their banquets. It seems sad, but I bet he makes more money than a lot of comics that are actually funny.
@Final: Fuck you, you are banned. (Anyone who says "slow news day" in response to people writing political humor for you so you have something to read on the nine news-free days out of ten gets banned for not understanding basic things about Earth.)
I'd hit it. For patriotic reasons only. And that kickin ostrich skin sweater/jacket.
@2goatsforonecow: Goodbye, Mark Penn. You are also banned.
so where the fuck is uppity lefty sheryl crow ('s feet) regarding this story?
i mean she blogs in the huffinton post about her rude behavior towards karl rove as if she had made a serious political statement, but nothing about this?
or is sheryl a hillary supporter and also remembers being shot at as she ran for cover with her head down?
@2goatsforonecow: Yep. Hillary's a monster. It's obvious.
Are you a Hillarytard? Which are you: old woman or old gay?
Yay, Ken's back behind the controls of the Ban-O-Matic!
My favorite is still when he banned someone for having a Pope Cat avatar.
Lookit - I'm no Sheryl Crow fan, but if she's "fourth rate," I'd love to hear what the bar is for "third rate" and "second rate."
I mean, obviously she's no "first rate" entertainer like fellow Missourian Andy Williams. But if she's "fourth rate," what the hell is Nicole Ritchie?
damn, nobody hate on sinbad 'cause ken layne's got his back.
@Ken Layne: snort, now I did laugh out loud at my desk. My colleagues think I get a lot of pleasure out of my work.
and @metropolitan: I would bet large sums that Sheryl is a Hillary supporter. She has that feel. How is this for rank, baseless speculation: Crow is a friend of Jennifer Aniston, and so believes in the women-as-victims thing (Jennifer is a poor, helpless victim of predatory female Jolie), so she is a Hillary supporter because Hillary supporters believe women have been victims so Hillary needs this job. There! I can make flying leaps of supposition with the best of them.
"white lady lie like this..."
What this means is that some day, somewhere, someone will pull down a statue of Sinbad in the public square.
@DirkLeisure: Yeah, but back in the day she used to sleep with the manager at Mississippi Nights or some such horrible place to get gigs (yes, I also bear the stain of being from MO, operative word being 'from'). I know this to be true because my unemployed 'musician' cousin heard it from a friend at the time.
So when can we expect to hear Sheryl's thrilling version of events?
@metropolitan: crow probably supports obama due to their similar stances on the war, and the fact that he is not an old heartless bitch.
@Ken Layne:
Fucking. Awesome. Now bring Tonythetiger back and ban him again.
It must have been a slow day at Wm. Morris/CAA/ICM et al when the nation's powerbrokers booked that fact finding tour. I'm guessing Suzanne Vega and Nipsey Russell were already booked?!
Perhaps Sinbad can parlay his sudden entry onto the political scene into a campaign for the US senate somewhere (just like Al Franken!)
Seeing as this is a slow news day, we should write a post about people being banned for complaining about slow news days in order to grind the aforementioned slow news day to a complete halt, thereby messing up the space-time continuum.
@northernnewbie: Sorry, Sinbad is a resident of the Empire of the Seven Seas, and thus ineligible to run for anything except Grand Viceroy of the Indian Ocean.
You can't believe anything he says. He is a comedian, you know.
Ummmm, may I just point out that Sinbad was in A different World when that show was kinda awesome.
And also Lisa Bonet, who you white people apparently love.
So this moment of heroism is not entirely without precursor.
Now just a second here. My Lying Liberal Elitist alarm is at full tilt.
You expect us to believe some Story by a muslim negro from Hollyweird that just happens to help the position of some other muslim negro feller running for President?
So, doesn't Hillary owe Sinbad an apology or something for the "he's a comedian" crack?
While it was clearly a compliment, and great exaggeration, to call him a comedian, HillDawg meant it in a demeaning way.
It's possible to demean Sinbad, right?
Jerry Seinfeld, you can have your AMEX commercials with Superman and have a successful TV show that allows you to sleep in a bed of money (and supermodels), but ole Sinbad saved the world. Suck on that.
@lovelyivy: Wait! Lisa Bonet was also in A Different World, or Sinbad was also "in" Lisa Bonet? Lenny Kravitz: Cuckolded by Sinbad. Slow news day my ass!
@Ken Layne: Ken, this might get me banned (I hope not), but I truly think 2Goats was attempting snark there. Based on prior comments, 2Goats does not seem to be a Jezzie. I think he was pretending to be an outraged Jezzie with that comment. But what do I know. I might be drawing down the Wrath of Layne with this....
@Ken Layne: it is the "self admitted men" that is the clue.
According to the public internet encyclopedia, Sinbad got his political and show biz start on Star Search, and he beat Dennis Miller. Haha! Dennis Miller loses again!
It was just last year that rumors were rampant all over the internet that Sinbad was dead! I was so distressed! But Bosniagate has brought Sinbad back to the fore of our attention and resurrected his career! I knew that somehow something good would come out of Hillary's run for the White House!
@PeteJayhawk: I'd be in a banning mood too if I had to sift through publicity photos of Sinbad.
@PeteJayhawk: Yeah, jesus, who *was* that? I'd spent months fighting with Gawker HQ to get my dumb avatar loaded, and of course I had Pope Cat ready all that time, and as soon as it appears somebody TAKES POPE CAT for their avatar. Also, how does it feel to be on CNN when you didn't even kill anybody, that we know of?
@Doglessliberal: You may be right! I will un-ban as an experiment ... a terrible experiment .....
I love you in a totally non-gay way, Ken.
Sinbad should thank his lucky stars he caught Hillary in that Whopper, otherwise he would have languished in obscurity. When was the last time Sinbad was popular, 1990?. Pehaps we should save a spot on Mt. Rushmore for saving Merka from Mega-Clinton!
Seriously. This election is stranger than fiction.
Man .... I think i'm proud of Sinbad...... OH MY GOD I'M PROUD OF SINBAD!
This just in from Mark Penn: "We have determined that there is no truth whatsoever in what has been claimed by the so-called "comedian" who trades under the name Sinbad. It's also a redundant name, because in this electoral environment everyone knows that Sin=Bad. Consequently, we expect a full retraction from the Obama campaign for the bad sin committed by the Senator's fellow swarthy. Plus a repudiation. Followed by a denouncement. And if we don't get it, we'll have Speaker Pelosi brutalized by large bags of money that we'll then withhold from the DCCC. Now, pass the donuts."
Howard Wolfson just said to a conference call of reporters that if Obama is elected president, he plans to nominate Sinbad to be his Secretary of Dyn-O-Mite.
@Doglessliberal: Okay, I know I'm a "newbie", but what the beef between Wonkette and Jezbollah?
oops, should be "what's"
@PeteJayhawk: good times.
@jagorev: As long as we don't have to go to TGI Friday's ....
Please, have some respect. Right now it's: 'Sinbad The Has-Been 80's Comedian,' but if Obama wins, he will become: 'SINBAD: American Ambassador To Some Caribbean Island Populated By Hot Semi-Naked Sluts.'
@Rob_Peter_to_Pay_Paultard: It's not so much Wonkette v. Jezebel as it is Jezebel v. the entire rational world.
@tunamelt: I like Moe. Funny guy whoever he is
@Ken Layne: you are a good man, and I would have felt the same had I gone through the Pope Cat experience myself.
@Rob_Peter_to_Pay_Paultard: OK, remember in college those women, pardon me, womyn, with no sense of humor who were certain men were all assholes, and occasionally good for sex, but otherwise were out to destroy the world; and thus in any situation where a woman opposed a man in anything, the woman must win, no matter what her position? I go over there and read a few comments, it is like being transported back to women's studies class. There is never gray over there, just black and white. And I say this as a woman who is what I consider to be a real feminist, but will spare you further lecturing on what that means.
@tunamelt: exactly. Sort of the GW Bush attitude: if you ain't with us, you agin us
Hmm. Has Hillary gotten desperate?
"I am involved in a long, drawn out "job interview" in which I am competing directly against two other people (one of whom is a potential "diversity hire"), and frankly, I haven't had a good night's sleep in over a year."
more: [www.236.com]
@Doglessliberal: Ah, yes...I remember those women, and while I was pretty naive back then and thought they were genually cool, over the years I've realized than more on the annoying side.
I've read some of the Jezebel posts, there's some good stuff. But of the posts comfirm my assertions that there's a difference between an outraged woman and a whiny bitch. Jezebel kinda strikes me as the types of women who bitch about Sex and the City and how it portrays women, yet secretly watch it while sipping Cosmos.
I like my snark pure and uncut, hence Wonkette.
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