John McCain Always Plotting Against America's Precious Freedoms

Did you know John McCain was a hard-livin' playboy and financial criminal back in the Jazz Age? Of course, because John McCain's entire campaign is based on rumors of his physical attractiveness back in the 1920s. But now that he's a tortured, crazy old man whose only economic experience was personally destroying the nation's Savings & Loan institutions in the 1980s, all he wants to do is imprison all Americans in a terrible place where they can't drink and fuck around and leave their crippled wives for hot millionaire gals, the end. [ New York Times ]