Wonkette

Randy Panda? Excellent!

Only if it were an attempted buggery by a Randy Panda.

Horny Panda, sad.

Was the zookeeper from Spitzer's office?

Panda = China. Zookeeper = American credit and debt markets. Rape = Rape.

There ya go, now its politics again for ya'll.

Does this panda come from China? Don't tell me they're exporting poisonous toys AND rapist bears to our country.

Doesn't America stand up for its women? I say we string that panda up as a warning to ther pandas that would dishonor our women.

@Dr_Feelquestionable: Chinese pandas rape us with their lead paint penises.

Seems like the zoo needs to teach Tai Shan that no means "no". [www.politiporn.com]

I REALLY wanted to make a snarky comment, but it seems you guys pretty much have this one covered...

So Butterstick's, uh, butterstick, is getting him into trouble these days. ... There's a Spitzer joke in here somewhere, I just know it.

Zing?

This story gave Lou Dobbs nightmares about being leg-raped by Mickey Rooney's character in "Breakfast at Tiffany's."

Pandas are nearly extinct for a reason.

"Thug Panda" is my new DJ name.

New nickname? Butter-fuck

SKS is now banned from visiting the national zoo.

The Panda was celebrating Wednesday...Hump Day.

Bear Diamonds.

So you can put a boy panda and a girl panda in a cage together for 15 years and nothing happens. Leave one alone with a human for 30 seconds and suddenly it's all rapey rapey.

No wonder the adorable little perverts are endangered.

So, the Governor of New Jersey, a zookeeper and a Panda walk into a TGI Friday's .....

Tags: DC SEX SCANDAL

You'd have to figure that panda rape would be the most adorable rape ever.

@Botswana Meat Commission FC: Mickey Rooney isn't nearly brown enough to give Lou Dobbs nightmares.

@billshrub: Worse, we are paying China Kristen-type rates for this.

Since it was a female zookeeper, we now know that Butterstick isn't a Republican.

Boy Panda humping woman - Democrat.
Boy Panda humping man - Republican.

Of course since he is a DC resident, we should have known he'd be a Liberal.

@telecomic: Awwww...now I want to get adorable panda raped.

This reminds me of the last episode of Lost, where the Korean guy Jin or whatever is buying the stuffed panda, and the store keeper goes, "How about a dragon?" etc.

What the hell is going on? So he's faking his death, but why?

Are we going to get cheesy pictures of the zookeeper?

@Jumpin: @Pop Socket: Did you two have a simultaneous snark of the same substance? That is so sweet.

Was the zookeeper Tibetian?

Why so blue, panda bear?

@Serolf Divad: How did you get access to the unreleased Ashley Alexandra Dupre pics? That's some serious furry kink she's into!

Let a player play....

First those rapist dolphins, and now this. Perverted animals of the world, you're on notice!

Look people, pandas (like dolphins) are not cute anthropomorphic animated characters -- they are wild animals. Mean, vicious wild animals that will attack. And attack they do.

The real rape here is that Asia figured this out long ago, and is found away to tap into our stupidity by renting us these animals and poring our precious energy into "saving them" instead of solving actual world problems.

If we'd just let them be eaten, we'd have all that extra money for competitive advantages like national healthcare and education.

We are suckers. Of course.

Sick Fucking Bastard. No wonder Obama likes to club pandas to death.

Insert Spitzer / DC Trips / McGreevy / Fridays /Whoring Governor of the week joke here.

I'm wondering if this isn't the effect of growing up in a permissive environment. And note the insidious government subsidy for all of it.

Will there be a special admission price for the panda enclosure? Must one book ahead?

The real question is, how many diamonds was the zookeeper?

Does Zookeepers Gone Wild have any archival footage?

Rick Santorum now lobbying to shut down this zoo.

"...and as Butterstick gently rubbed his nether regions on the pretty zookeepers leg he whispered gently into her ear: Obey."

Of course, this will only provide the Chinese government with yet another argument in favor of restricted internet access. They're not trying to tamp down on the people's rights, they're just trying to keep the moral fiber of their society clean, unlike filthy capitalist porn-filled America with its corrupt rapist pandas! No truly Chinese panda would ever have done such a thing.

@TJBeck:
Nope. He just applied to be Butterstick's new zookeeper.

@Darehead: Snarky minds think alike. And at the same time, I suppose.

"He's got a little Tennessee leg-hound in 'em. Once he gets started, it's best just to let him finish, Clark."

This is because of gay marriage, isn't it? Rick Santorum told us this would happen. But did we listen to him? No -- we just made his little kewpie daughter cry. Cry sad panda-raped tears for America, little girl -- Jesus would never have let this happen if we'd only listened to your daddy.

If you, um, "retrieve" enough panda semen for artificial insemination enough times, it's not surprising if the panda gets the wrong idea.

@Gopherit: especially when you taste-test it first. The panda is, after all, only a guy.

This only further justifies my love of panda hunting.

If you're going into the panda enclosure, just make sure your soap is on a rope, if you get my drift. [www.politiporn.com]

www.pandaporn.com - CUMMING SOON!

I thought this kind of thing only happened in imported Japanese video games.

He now qualifies for the New York governor's office.

Tai Shan is the most lovable superpanda in the world. He's so lovable and almost human. I just know that!

NEWS FLASH---Girls Gone Wild has exclusive footage of both the panda and the zookeeper.

@PrizePig: They're reverse furries!

@slowhansolo: Or novels by political advisers.

@ReturnOfThePaultard:

He's not faking his own death, he is dead. Sun's scene was a flash forward, his was a pre-island flash back...