Everybody knows that people wishing to carry out terrorist attacks against airports in the UK must follow a time-honored ritual: they must crash a flaming Jeep into the terminal, and then jump out of the Jeep and run around on fire until a heroic cabbie kicks them in the testicles. Hallowed tradition demands nothing less! Unfortunately, one would-be terrorist didn’t get the memo.
This loser maybe tried to bomb Heathrow airport yesterday, and he failed horribly because he skimped on all the glamorous extras that make a thwarted terrorist attack so exciting. Instead of heroically driving a burning four-wheel-drive vehicle, he went low-budget and approached his target on foot, scaling a fence and sprinting down a runway. This person was not aflame or probably even very warm. His backpack contained no explosives of any sort.
In fact, it’s unclear if the guy was a real terrorist at all. For all we know he was trying to get the free wi-fi.