Clinton Campaign Prays For 4 Weird Events

See here she is, praying to her GodIs this Democratic primary season about math, or hope? Is it about victims, victimizers, or zombies? Never before have the electoral waters been so muddied, but one thing is clear: Hillary Clinton’s campaign would be a lot better off if a selection of freak events were to occur in the very near future. Her options, after the jump.

Clearly Clinton needs a break in Obama’s “momentum,” or “mo,” as reporters sometimes awkwardly put it. But aside from getting more votes, how can Clinton make this happen?

  • Hope that Obama’s dumb Republican economist aides keep blabbing to Canada about NAFTA.
  • Hope that Barry will have to testify in his slumlord friend Tony Rezko’s trial.
  • Press for a re-vote in Florida.
  • Uh, hmm. Plague of chickens? Gay midget sex scandal? Power outage in Houston? Secret Mexican?

This is the weird thing, though: while it’s dumb for anyone to count on luck, it’s also true that some people are just luckier than others. Look at our current president, who basically lucked his way into the White House — twice. So if a plague of chickens inexplicably fells Barack Obama, would it not be wise for people to vote for the luckier candidate? Think on that, America.

Hillary banks on a game-changing event [Ben Smith]

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About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

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