Ever wondered what would happen if two attractive feminists and one corpulent Hollywood director went to a Texas gay bar to round up votes for Hillary Clinton? One brave Dallas reader went deep under cover to bring you this exclusive investigative report. All the sordid details, after the jump!
Our Wonkette operative writes:
JR’s Gay Bar, Dallas, Texas, 3-2-08 (owned by the people who own the DC gay bar of the same name), Happy Hour, Chelsea’s favorite hour of the day. Hundreds of cheering gay men, some lesbians. Lots of cameras and press. Rob – Funny. Gloria – Much less hard-core feminist and mellow than I would have ever thought, and pretty MILF, considering I thought she was about 95 years old.
Chelsea: She’s really very pretty and very eloquent, and handled a couple of drunk Barrytard youngsters really well, including some girl who kept on screaming “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” to which Chelsea replied “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell? Yes, my mother plans to get rid of that.” Her best line, when some dude screamed at her “Chelsea, you’re fabulous!” (oh brother), while she was talking about Universal Health Care, and mentioned she had a cold (as does everyone else in Texas right now). Anyway, her response: “Yes, I am fabulous, but that doesn’t prevent me from getting sick.”
Then yet another drunk Barrytard started screaming about she had to pay $20,000 at an emergency room for her Epstein-Barr Ladydisease Syndrome and fuck Hillary, she don’t care. And Chelsea replied, after making sure she understood what sounded like absolute gibberish to everyone else there, and I am in awe: “Yes, that’s why my Mother’s Universal Health Care Plan includes a fail-safe of a $3500 tax credit for your situation, plus a requirement that you won’t have to repay the hospital bill at more than 3% per year of your Annual Adjusted Gross Income.”
When do we get Michelle Obama or one of her daughters or the husband of all meaningless GLBT targeted advertising in a gay bar? Not anytime soon. This round goes to HRC, I think. Really, I shouldn’t care and I really don’t anymore.