Harris County, Texas District Attorney Chuck Rosenthal resigned on February 15 after a lawsuit brought against him claimed official misconduct, incompetence, and drinking on the job. This follows a series of other minor scandals, for millions of years, including naughty e-mails and mean racism. According to Newsweek, the Republican may be in further trouble yet for e-mails he deleted when he wasn’t supposed to. Is Chuck Rosenthal actually the Worst Person on Earth — even worse than Barack Obama? Let’s examine his “file.”
- Chuck Rosenthal has been a lawyer for over 30 years. Isn’t that maybe too long to be a lawyer, according to the law?
- “As a prosecutor he lit firecrackers in the stairwell of the district attorney’s offices soon after the 1995 Oklahoma City bombings. (It was a prank, he said.)” He did not, however, throw paper airplanes at the D.A. headquarters after 9/11, because 9/11 was the real deal, and do not ever forget.
- “He defied a gag order to appear on ’60 Minutes’ in 2001 to defend his decision to seek the death penalty for Andrea Yates, the Houston housewife who drowned her five children.” Well, Morley Safer does hold quite a bit of sway over the Texas judicial system, the old coot.
- In a batch of e-mails Rosenthal turned over to investigators in a federal civil rights lawsuit, there was: “a cartoon depicting an African-American suffering from a ‘fatal overdose’ of watermelon and fried chicken” and “adult video clips and love notes from Rosenthal to his secretary, his mistress during a previous marriage.” Just like John McCain.
- And he didn’t even turn over all the e-mails he was supposed to! What the hell could the “thousands” he deleted have said about our African-American friends, and women? Probably many things about watermelons and nooses, since he “even [went] so far as to delete them from the trash folder.” DELETED FROM THE TRASH FOLDER!
- He likes prescription drugs, as most humans do: “On Feb. 15, in response to the new lawsuit, he blamed a combination of prescription drugs for causing ‘some impairment’ of his judgment.”
- “Former prosecutors have said that other lawyers in the office referred to Hurricane Katrina evacuees as ‘NFLs,’ or ‘N—— From Louisiana.'” Which NFL do the Patriots play in?
- “Rosenthal’s doctor, Sam Siegler, sent Rosenthal racy messages, including a video clip of women having their clothes ripped off in public.” And Rosenthal received them in his inbox!
- Other things we have yet to learn. Billions.