Explosive reporting from the New York Times reveals that many millions of years ago, when the Army Corps of Engineers was busy separating North America from Pangaea, a little child was born unto Roberta and John McCain, Junior. This child, John Sidney McCain III, was born in the Panama Canal Zone. And because of this, he will never be president.
Just like Vermonter and secret Canadian Chester A. Arthur, John McCain is not a natural-born citizen. Of course, some experts would argue that this is fine because “natural-born” just means he was delivered the normal way, head first. Also, many wonderful foreigners have served as our president, such as Arnold Schwarzenegger and John Kerry. In the end, what matters is that only people birthed vaginally in the lower 48 are qualified to be president. Just ask Ron Paul!