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Chris Peden made you a mix tapeMeet Chris Peden, a Republican accountant and small-town Texas councilman. If all goes well, on March 4 this charming young conservative is going to kick Ron Paul out of Congress. Wonkette went to the Katy Area Republicans meeting Tuesday night to speak to Chris Peden in the flesh and bring you this EXCLUSIVE and GROUNDBREAKING interview with Texas Congressional District 14’s last best hope for vanquishing the Paultards now and forever.

Dr. Congressman Ron Paul has been the U.S. representative for Texas’ 14th congressional district since 1997, but his weird presidential campaign has not amused his constituents back home. And now he’s up against a tall, handsome, charming young conservative with a fluent command of local issues from NASA to rice farming, and whose easy demeanor and embrace of English-only legislation will thrill all but the most hardened liberals.

Send Chris Peden!
Chris Peden is a certified CPA, a churchgoing family man, and a practiced hand at worming cattle. Like many residents of the 14th District, he finds Ron Paul a nice enough person, as a person. It’s Ron Paul the congressman (and presidential candidate) who strikes Peden as a barking loon.

To most American political fanatics, Ron Paul is just a goofy hobbit whose hilariously doomed online presidential campaign provided standout entertainment in a year that offered a wealth of hilariously doomed campaigns.

But to many of his constituents in Texas Congressional District 14, Ron Paul is just a blame-America-first attention whore who completely ignores the people who put him in office. There are no Democrats running in the 14th District primary next Tuesday — so if Ron Paul loses, he will have the honor of being a double loser in the eyes of his beloved constituents. With this in mind, Wonkette enthusiastically endorses Chris Peden for Congress.

Secret lair of the Katy Republicans
We spoke to Councilman Peden after a lively meeting of the Katy Area Republicans at the vast and very fancy Cinco Ranch Library. This is an early voting site, so candidates for local office pasted themselves comically against the walls of our meeting room until 7 p.m. in order to stay the required 100 feet away from the voting area.

The meeting began with a pledge of allegiance to both the Texas and United States flags, and then moved into a debate between two candidates for Fort Bend County sheriff. Councilman Peden was the closer, and definitely a favorite in this crowd, who rolled their eyes when they were informed that Ron Paul had been invited to the meeting but had declined due to “scheduling constraints.”

Mingle Bells, Mingle Bells
Peden is quick with a quip — “Elected officials today think you’re idiots. Of course, you’re a genius when they get elected,” he told the audience — but never veers far from his message. He wants District 14’s congressman to pay attention to District 14, and he doesn’t think Ron Paul is doing that.

Future Congressman Peden on the nuttiness of Ron Paul:

His voting record is … it’s horrid — 351 pieces of legislation he sponsored, six came out of committee, and none have ever passed. And if you go back and look, he just regurgitates the same pieces of legislation. “Restore the Second Amendment.” What does that mean, exactly?

But that’s his bill, and two years later he submits the bill again. He just keeps reprinting these and throwing them out there. And now he doesn’t even get any cosponsors on many of his bills. [With] many of his amendments, he’s called out of order on the floor for even putting the amendment in, because he doesn’t follow the rules of operation in the House.

He’s up there to make a point, not a difference. He wants to be called out of order because then it’s unique and it’s unusual, and he gets press, or at least Roll Call will say “Here he goes again.” But you know, if you do that once a year or once a term, it works. If you do it three or four times a day, it gets old.

Future Congressman Peden on being Ron Paul’s opponent:Nice Chris or Weird Ron?

He uses a quote from me on his own flyers because I said I admire him and think he’s a man that sticks to his principles. I don’t agree with his principles, but I think he sticks with them. I don’t think he does a good job of being a legislator.

Future Congressman Peden on the nuttiness of Ron Paul supporters:

They hate me. And they’ve been very vociferous with their hate. We did have some threats at our house, and our younger two boys, we relocated those to my parents’ house for safety reasons because you just never know. This is a crazy world.

We did contact Ron and tell Ron to put out there that they should stop it. And they did, we didn’t get any more calls after that. He had nothing to do with it, he didn’t orchestrate it, he’s not that kind of a guy. His supporters still call the campaign office, and they have their talking points. They all call and say the exact same thing over and over again.

Future Congressman Peden on his qualifications for Congress:

If delivering a baby is a prerequisite, then I still meet it. I have four children, and I delivered my third son. So I guess I am just as qualified to be a congressman as Ron Paul.

Chris Peden for Congress
Photos by Deputy Wonkette Operative “Dan.”

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