Wonkette
George W. Bush has been having so much fun in Africa that he took up the Africans’ offer that he remain forever, as their President King. Here’s the former U.S. chief executive at his new “executive mansion in Monrovia, Liberia.” Join us for an AP Photo Tour of Bush’s crazy African vacation.
Now this looks like a fun group. They are performers in Ghana, while the fellow in the white Guayabera holiday shirt is really enjoying having fun with the locals.
Here’s George and Laura arriving in Rwanda. Note how the actual elite politicians are kind of looking with disdain at the local entertainment, and Laura looks kind of exhausted and is doing the polite First Lady smile at the natives, but then there’s George W. — he looks positively entranced and delighted, ready to cast off his jacket and boogie with these guys. Because he’ll do it! He’s done it before, he’ll do it again.
The great thing about these lame-duck “victory lap” eighth-year presidential vacations is that it just doesn’t matter what you do — so if you’re George W. Bush, you just follow your heart! And that means smushin’ up beans with a stick.
You’ll kind of miss him, won’t you? Well, sure, not really. But at least he can dance away the pain now.
Comments
His Wonderfulness, Haille Silly-Assy, Emperor of Texas and other lawless tribal areas.
Boy I hope they don't think we're all like that.
The Nelson brothers can't live without their tanning addiction.
You know what? If he wasn't going all of that pesky "completely fucking up the country" crap, I'd kind of like him. He seems like an affable enough guy, which was probably the problem in the first place.
Whup.... sound of leftover part of satellite landing on his head as Vizer Darth Vader laughs darkly and takes over Mex-Ameri-Canidatistan
The Heart of Dumbness.
How can you be the Bushman and the Lion King at the same time?
What they didn't show was when Bush was taken to meet the head of a tribe of cannibals. He's now the Commander-in-Chief.
Bush went to the Africa's because he's trying to decide if he's going to bomb them.
Really? That's all Rwanda's got? Some tribal Nelson impersonators? That looks suspiciously like it was made up on the spot. "Here, put these on and run around until you get dizzy, this guy won't know the difference".
"Gorely, how many stars do I get on my sheriff's badge?"
Am I missing something, or does that guy have 3 arms? When did we start outsourcing nuclear power plants to Rwanda?
Who let the dogs out?
@Rick Paulas: Yeah, he'd make a great gas station attendant or substitute mailman. The Bush name definitely supersedes the Peter Principle, as Dubya continued to rise well beyond his level of incompetence.
@Publican: Apparently around the same time we started dumping estrogen in the water. Manssiere exports here I come.
What can one say??? Georgie amongst some huge black cock, so little time and he makes nice. Instant foreign policy. There is no way to separate Georgie's favorite salsa and honey mix from the butt slather of an entire village. Hunks though aren't they????
The President looked around. "I'll bet you fellas don't have much trouble with the KKK around here at all."
Second picture: "C'mon fellas, let's go get you some watermelon."
Tough looking warrior introducing Bush to Chief: "Just landed in one of those single-engine, twin-rotor Sikorskys, claims to be some kind of god." (New Yorker Cartoon)
In that first picture, isn't he trying on Janet Jackson's wardrobe/nipple malfunction device... er jewelry? Looks like he's about 1 second from sticking himself. Ow! Dagnabit! Ow!
I suspect the Africa Command will be the R&R center for our 100 Year's War in the Middle East. More sex and beer there than in Iraq.
GWB could recruit Genl. (now evangelist) Butt Naked's Butt Naked Battalion now that Blackwater has to go. Too bad no photos of GWB and BN together!
We send our idiots abroad as goodwill ambassadors. Remember this, Bill Clinton!
I'm going to miss the `ol Walmart Caligula. All those chimpy faces... *sigh*
So with Chief Bush, Darfur will attack the Netherlands to halt the genocide?
I'd make a snarky comment about destroying their economy for generations to benefit their top 0.01% richest households, but they have a head start that the US is finding it surprisingly hard to overcome in only eight years.
No tears, though. Because the GOP tried. By the GODS did they try!
"A" for effort there, Shrub.
Here's hoping the local men initiate George to become an honorary warrior.
But only if it involves prolonged anal rape by every tribesmen over the age of twelve.
Nah. Too much like Prep School. Prefer following script of Cornel Wilde classic "The Naked Prey."
PHOTO ONE: Geo. W. Bush locked in desperate war w/pin on chest. Bush FTW!!!
PHOTO TWO OR SO: "My lawyers advise that any black people I am photographed with must be dressed in absurdly sterotypi -- oh! Well then..."
PHOTO THREEISH: A wondering and Prozac-short Laura Bush contemplates why Barbie Must Dance? Why poor Barbie dance!?
PHOTO MASTURBATION TECHNIQUE: Stretchy.
PHOTO 5: "Ah'm a black gerl two, y'all! Let's go on the road with our act!"
In that one pic, Laura looks like she's sizing candidates up for later, when she needs an old chiffarobe busted up...
@Trai_Dep: Aw c'mon- why does it have to be anal rape? There's plenty of tribes who practice public adult circumcision (with a nasty, rusty blade and no anesthetic) who'd love to do the honor of initiating our Georgie into his long delayed adulthood!
Anyway, it's not weirder than what they did to him during his Skull and Bones initiation,
Africa's not much blacker than innercity Dallas.
In Pix 1, methinks he looks like Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II in a pantsuit.
10 years from now the Bushes are going to be subjecting all Texas ranch visitors to what will become known as the "slideshow from hell". The Sunday morning "clearing of the brush" ceremony will be the highlight of the lowbrow event.
Who said George Bush doesn't care about black people? He just plain loves 'em.
It also sends a positive message about America - we are willing to elect retarded, woman or black president - that's actually a policy.
[first picture] I thought the merit badge was supposed to go on the sash
I envy this vacation - I want to go see the sights and eat the food and stuff. What did GW do to deserve this prize?
@TJBeck: Hey, give him a break - he only joined the Girl Scouts a couple of days ago.
Africa Command - can you see the boondoggle on the horizon? Yea! BlackWater!!!
We need to just colonize these places and quit faking it.
That second pic - with our favorite frat-boy smart aleck posing with the guys from the 'hood - looks like he just broke 'em all up with a dig at the big guy to his left, telling him how back in the States, he would be called "high pockets." Heh, heh.
The big dude doesn't look amused, though. May have to have him renditioned to Gitmo.
Now that's George has visited the Dark Continent he concludes that he can (again) avoid speaking at the annual NCAA convention. Besides, they all look alike, right?
NACC. We white people. We can get so confused sometimes.
After seven years the chimp has winnowed down the countries that like him to a few African nations that don't know who he is and Albania. Nice work
@sluggo: I believe it's NAACP, but I like your first try mo' betta'
King of Moronvia.
@Btwbfdimho:
I believe their national anthem goes something like
Dumb, dumb deed dumb dumb…
"If I were King of the Forest, Not queen, not duke, not prince.
My regal robes of the forest, would be satin, not cotton, not chintz.
I'd command each thing, be it fish or fowl.
With a woof and a woof and a royal growl - woof.
As I'd click my heel, all the trees would kneel.
And the mountains bow and the bulls kowtow.
And the sparrow would take wing - If I - If I - were King!
Each rabbit would show respect to me. The chipmunks genuflect to me.
Though my tail would lash, I would show compash
For every underling!"
(1) Worked diligently to ensure one-party rule in democracy with weak checks and balances -- Tick.
(2) Promoted and exploited tribal tensions to hold on to power -- Tick.
(3) Member of family that promotes an inherited, divine right to rule -- Tick.
(4) Diverts wealth of country away from ordinary citizens while civic infrastructure crumbles -- Tick.
(5) Division of wealth among cynical elite only real political issue in country -- Tick.
(6) Natural disaster creates hundreds of thousands of displaced citizens who must shelter with relatives; world comes to aid of citizens abandoned by incompetent government. -- Tick
(7) Head of state surrounded by sycophants, economic vampires and toadies who function as political commissars charged with keeping ruling party in power -- Tick
(8) Political commissars undermine, control or replace actual administrative duties of any agencies that threaten to become effective or competent -- Tick.
(9) Ruling party promotes spurious economic and social theories supported by a mix of superstition and religion and forces all in public life to swear allegiance -- Tick.
(10) Extremely difficult to unseat ruling party and its allies through ballot box and opportunity infrequently arises usually and only after decade-long hardship is felt by majority after visible and miserable failure of bogus government -- Tick.
(11) Maintains an extra-legal system of prisons, star-chamber procedures and elite police while justifying their actions citing external threats and creating a sense that all political opposition is "watched" -- Tick.
(12) Comment must not become longer than original post but (long) felt obligation to Southernbitch to explain some things.
...as the official Nigerian poster on Wonkette I must express my rage at the fact that "W" stepped upon the continent of Africa for the second time. That being said; am I the only one that see the HOMOSEXUAL undertones of that second pic. By the way the guy on the far left has MAN-BOOB's!!!
@Trai_Dep: Skull&Bones? Been there. Done that.
...damn it, that was the alcohol talking! I meant the guy on the RIGHT! CHEERS
@AngryBlakGuy: Yep, that's what GWB is telling him. "Hey, quick word of advice. These other guys are RIPPED. You might wanna lay off the Jollof Rice. Maybe hit the gym a little. You guys got Nautilus here?"
I really am going to miss all of the funny pictures. 20 years from now I'll only be able to scroll through my collection with a little mist in my eye, thinking about what a fuck-up this country elected twice to run our country.
He sure loves posing with black folks he's never going to have to see or speak to again. New Orleans residents could have told us that.
one of his advisers should have warned him about this guy:
[en.wikipedia.org]
but i think someone already mentioned prolonged anal rape. even better if it's by batman though.
@adamant88: "The victims are threatened with repeated, and longer, sodomizations if they do not let their friends and neighbors know of their experience"
Wow, that's one badass. He's not only going to forcibly sodomize you, he's gonna make you talk about it at PTA meetings.
OK, I'll make this quick. Two explorers caught by natives. Chief to 1st ex.: "Death or unga bunga?" 1st ex.: (nervously) "I chose unga bunga." (80 natives viciously sodomize him within an inch of his life) Chief to 2nd: "Death or unga bunga?" 2nd ex.: (with dignity) "I chose death!" Chief: "OK boys, death by unga bunga!"
@rustproof: Are we pretending those elections were legitimate already? Seems a little early for historical revisionism, doesn't it?
Anybod else depressed that the President of the United States can't even look capable and statesmanlike while SITTING ON A THRONE and PINNING A MEDAL ON HIMSELF?
'Cause I am. Big time.
If his approval rating in Liberia is over 20%, it's a good move politically to just stay there.
@Jewdishoowary Square:
He's the Moron in Thief.
It should be no surprise by now.
I heard that the giant crucible in pic # 4 is the exact same one that Ronald Reagan used to make AIDS and crack in.
Kanye West may want to reconsider.....
Furthermore...
Checking his nipple to avoid a wardrobe malfunction?
I am assuming you were having some fun with Bush's knowledge of geography. Africa is is not one country. Other than that this post was a weak effort. I hope it wasn't because you're own ignorance of African subjects were showing.
@Leo Africanus: Even the commenters know Africa is not one country. Gaul, as a whole, is divided into three parts, and Africa is divided into 5: East Africa, West Africa, North Africa, South Africa and Central Africa, n'est pas?
@FOOTYFOOT: Arbustoboi is our collective American Boo Radley, fer sure...
@HansDog: Belgium were the ultimate colonialist badasses...we don't have enough of a chip on our shoulder to go at it like those trappist ale-drinkin', pomme frite-munchin' Flemloons!
@schvitzatura: I am currently helping to spread the rumour that Belguim does not exist. I back it up with the fact that IHOP serves "Belgian" waffles and "lingonberry" pancakes; both obviously made up by some Madison Avenue Ad Man.
If pressed further I note that the most famous "Belgian" is supposed to have slept with a mustache retainer and then I make scoffing noises. (It hasn't happened yet but I am prepared to go there with the whole mayo and french fries thing and point out that anyone claiming to have been to "Belgium" is clearly insane).
@TurtleWarningCry: Yer in luck: the notion that Belgium does not exist is being enthusiastically taken up these days by many Belgians.
Southern, not South Africa, fool.
that was for di's muslim kid.
Bush looks as old as his father in the last photo. Plus his shirt is just a plain old rumpled short-sleeved one with the tail hanging out. Did he run out of guayberas?
Yuck.
@bloomistry: Well, the liberians did elect Charles Taylor president. His campign slogan was "I killed your Ma...I killed your Pa... Vote for Taylor." Bush should do all right there.
The natives look like they will remember him as a cheery, if somewhat dim, kinda guy. The kind of guy you could have a bbq with...you know, a bbq where they water-board people.
he's hilarious, everyone would love him if he was vice-president.
@AngryBlakGuy: Yeah, I imagine as soon as the photo-op was finished, they broke out the oils and the elephant tusks and got busy; W., thinking it was just some tribal ritual, went along for the ride.
And man-boobs are a tradition amongst the far-right.
@bmorecareful: To be fair, they offered to take him on a tour of their school of engineering, but Bush replied, "Nah, just show me one of them primitive, swirly dance things you boys get up to."
3rd pic...Paris Hilton is that you!?
Bwanna looking for his Mayor McCheese medallion...
@TurtleWarningCry
And to filch the best line from In Bruges, the place is known for chocolate and child molesting, and they only invented the chocolate to lure the children.
The first photo is actually from GW's secret White House
playroom.