John McCain Rides Sexy New Surge Of Popularity

No woman can escape his animal appealThis forbidden-lobbyist-love scandal is a stroke of good fortune for John McCain. Revelations that he may have landed a sizzling hot blonde half his age have brought a new aura of virility and sex appeal to the Spanish-American war hero’s ancient carcass. He is also being hailed by Christian conservatives for having the good taste to conduct a heterosexual extramarital affair. And now we learn the scandal has brought conservative talk radio’s most lovable personalities flocking to his bosom. According to Politico, “they have a common enemy” now. Meaning, of course, the terrorists. At the New York Times.

“This is what you get when you walk across the aisle and try to make these people your friends. I’m not surprised in the least that the NYT would try to take out John McCain,” Limbaugh wrote in an email.

And Laura Ingraham, who just recently was bitching at CPAC about what a hedonist immigrant-loving jackass John McCain was, now finds him just another tragic victim of the LSD freaks at the Times:

“You wait until it’s pretty much beyond a doubt that he’s going to be the Republican nominee, and then you let it drop — drop some acid in the pool, contaminate the whole pool.”

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This is why you can never invite a Democrat to a party: when they aren’t busy shitting in the pool, they’re dropping acid in it. WE HOPE MR. MCCAIN HAS LEARNED HIS LESSON.

Rush, right rally to McCain [Politico]

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About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

Hola wonkerados.

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1 comment

  1. williambanzai7

    Election Night Thriller
    (Thriller, Michael Jackson)
    WilliamBanzai7

    It’s close To Midnight and There’s Vile Republican’s Lurking in The Dark.
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    You’re Paralyzed

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    I’ll Make You See

    (Narrated by Vincent Price)
    Darkness Falls Across The Land, The Voting Hour Is Close At Hand.
    Grisley RNC Creatures Crawl In Search Of Blood To Terrorize Your Neighborhood
    And Whosoever Shall Be Found Without The Soul For Voting them Down
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    For No Intelligent Mortal Can Resist The Evil Of the Election Day Thriller

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    You Know its Thriller, McCain Campaign Killer Night
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