McCain Promises To Fight Change, Eloquence

The only person surprised by John McCain's win in Wisconsin tonight is apparently John McCain himself, who was rudely awakened from his daily 19-hour nap and instructed to march out and read the new Republican attack on Barry Obama: We must accept that things are always going to be this bad and probably much worse, so ignore that eloquent young black fellow.

Walnuts only speaks for 12 minutes, but good god it feels like the entire lifespan of his 96-year mother.

But we must remember history, and old people, and endless wars all the time, and the courage to be a loser!

Cindy McCain stands there, pained fake smile, the aging taut-faced trophy wife impatiently waiting for the First Lady prize she's never going to actually get.

John McCain's campaign makes us nostalgic for the thrills and action of Bob Dole's run in 1996.