Indeed, tonight’s Superficial Primary Coverage theme will be cheese, cows, and snow. Anything else? Brett Favre, maybe, depending on how many times Hillary mentions things that were only good in the ’90s. Sports joke! Zing. Anyway, what are the people on teevee saying about the spin, the white woman and the black man?
UPDATE: John McCain is President of Wisconsin! Democratic race is too close to call.
8:56 — Is Rachel Maddow doable? Has this been decided on one of Ken’s liveblogs already? The hair is very “Hillaryish.” That would be a downside.
9:00 — POLLS ARE CLOSED. And Matthews is there on MSNBC, so that will cover about three videos.
9:00 — JOHN MCCAIN HAS WON WISCONSIN, although Mike Huckabee also competed there.
9:02 — Tim Russert, in his dire Buffalo tones, projects that Barack Obama. Could make. More inroads. Into Hillary’s base. This could. Be very bad. For Hillary Clinton. Keith.
9:04 — Russert: Hillary. Will have to make. Some big decision about her campaign. Keith.
9:05 — WALNUTS! is accepting his latest terrorist victory against the Snow Jews.
9:06 — He claims he will be the nomin– Christ, Cindy is looking nice tonight. Why does she spend her existence taking the Hammer from this man?
9:08 — Will we spend the next four years getting Freedom Fucked by this black woman?
9:10 — Says Barack offers “empty call for change.” Hey John, do you have policy stances yet?
9:10 — Wants to keep America proud with his non-vague calls for change. The crowd shouts “USA!”
9:11 — This man will call Barack a pussy for the next nine months, and forever, by naming every country that thinks different-like.
9:11 — Pakistan!
9:12 — Cuba — might be good later!
9:12 — Venezuela!
9:12 — My bad, I am old and retarded — Pakistan is good and the Barry wanted to bomb it!
9:13 — McCain’s basic, predictable point: Barack Obama isn’t a GINGER, but play around with those letters and you’ll see his true “colors.”
9:14 — John McCain wants to make our tax code “more pro-growth and pro-jobs.” These are the specific policy stances that Barack Obama lacks.
9:16 — “My friends, I’m not the youngest candidate, but I am the most experienced.” Hillary’s success with this attack on Barack has given her an insurmountable lead.
9:18 — He owes America three rimjobs and a pack of Newport Lights.
9:19 — BREAKING BREKAING BREAKKFAING: BARACK OBAMA IS PRESIDENT OF
MARYLAND RWANNAANDA WISCONSIN!
9:20 — Haha, they preempt McCain’s clincher to announce the Barack win. It’s the election of old vs. Hope.
9:24 — People thought Hillary was unfair, it seems. Or they just never liked Hillary to begin with.
9:26 — Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle: like Barack Obama, but old, white, and looks like a penis.
9:27 — Early Hillary Spin: “Too many independents.” This bodes well for the general election she’ll never see.
9:28 — Meh, that’s enough for this liveblog. More coverage of Hillary’s embarrassing loss to come!