Thomas the Terrorist Tank EngineOnly seven years after terrorists didn’t hijack passenger trains, Amtrak is finally getting the post-9/11 security it so desperately needs to continue pointlessly delaying trains and ruining the lives of Americans who stupidly rely upon the industrialized world’s lamest national rail service.

From now on, Islamo Fascists traveling on Amtrak will be subject to “random bag checks” in order to keep everyone nervous at all times. Also, armed “air marshals” will now ride the Amtrak trains to prevent tragic train hijackings.

Do not laugh about train hijackings! It really happened one time, in the Netherlands. And then jet fighters bombed the train, from the sky, or something. Have you ever seen that guy “Joop den Uyl” on C|SPAN or BBC or something, before he died, and wondered, “What the fuck’s up with that guy?” Train hijacking, that’s what!

Also, one time the “Naxals” hijacked a train near the spice mines of Kessel.

Amtrak to randomly screen bags and step up patrols [REUTERS]

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