David Brooks Writes About Some Weird Obama Cancer

Here’s a fact: David Brooks wrote the worst column in American History this morning. Well, maybe of this week, or of this morning only. It was definitely the worst New York Times column he wrote today. It involves bird flu, or the measles, or some sort of viral “sensation” where Barack Obama is heroin and Hillary Clinton is the methadone clinic, and hippies are guided by invisible shark spirits.

Brooks has discovered a new strain of AIDS — Obama Comedown Syndrome (OCS) — where no one likes Barack Obama anymore. The Western Hemisphere should be warned: IT IS SPREADING TO YR IAN MCEWAN CLUBS:

The afflicted had already been through the phases of Obama-mania — fainting at rallies, weeping over their touch screens while watching Obama videos, spending hours making folk crafts featuring Michelle Obama’s face. These patients had experienced intense surges of hope-amine, the brain chemical that fuels euphoric sensations of historic change and personal salvation.

But they found that as the weeks went on, they needed more and purer hope-injections just to preserve the rush. They wound up craving more hope than even the Hope Pope could provide, and they began experiencing brooding moments of suboptimal hopefulness. Anxious posts began to appear on the Yes We Can! Facebook pages. A sense of ennui began to creep through the nation’s Ian McEwan-centered book clubs.

Ennui, the old French scourge! This O.C.S. leads America to consider the very grave missteps of Obama’s campaign:

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Obama says he is practicing a new kind of politics, but why has his PAC sloshed $698,000 to the campaigns of the superdelegates, according to the Center for Responsive Politics? Is giving Robert Byrd’s campaign $10,000 the kind of change we can believe in?

NO!!! NEED… MORE… HOPE-AMINE… DAVID BROOKS’ EXTENDED METAPHOR IS RUINING CHANGE… HIT ME, BROOKS, I NEED A HOPE ROCK:

Those afflicted with O.C.S. are no longer as moved by his perorations. The fever passes. But some invisible connection seems to persist.

Ahh, the invisible Hawaiian shark spirits prevail. Or do they? Why doesn’t Barry take a single position on anything? Can we survive this magical form of death Brooks proposes, or will the Muslimists win forever?

When the Magic Fades [NYT]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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