Happy Dead Presidents Day, everybody! Our most beloved non-Reagan dead president, John F. “Jack” Kennedy, was killed by Lyndon Johnson’s Anti-Castro Cuban CIA Mafia Military-Industrial FBI Complex way back in 1963. We still don’t know exactly what happened, because “the government” won’t release the files for another forty or fifty years (or never), but the Dallas Morning News says a weird old transcript proves or doesn’t prove how “lone gunman” Lee Harvey Oswald and mafia-nightclub tough Jack Ruby discussed killing JFK so, uh, the Chicago mob wouldn’t be bothered by Kennedy’s little brother, Bobby Kennedy, who was attorney general back when the attorney general was expected to do anti-crime things rather than just torture innocent foreigners forever, in Cuba.
The transcript — which the Dallas Morning News also notes is totally fake — goes like this:
Lee: You said the boys in Chicago want to get rid of the Attorney General.
Ruby: Yes, but it can’t be done … it would get the Feds into everything.
Lee: There is a way to get rid of him without killing him.
Ruby: How’s that?
Lee: I can shoot his brother.Beverly Hills surgeon explains at home fix for crepey skin around the arms, legs, and stomach.
Ruby: But that wouldn’t be patriotic.
Lee: What’s the difference between shooting the Governor and in shooting the President?
Ruby: It would get the FBI into it.
(“Lee” is apparently “Lee Harvey Oswald,” while “Ruby” is apparently “Jack Ruby,” who shot Oswald to death just two days after Oswald supposedly shot Kennedy. Ruby died three years later, supposedly of cancer at a Dallas hospital, a month after his death sentence for killing Oswald had been overturned by the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals.)
Ha ha ha, Jack Ruby and Lee Harvey Oswald were perfectly willing to assassinate Bobby Kennedy, except for the risk of getting the FBI involved … because Bobby Kennedy was sort of the head of the Justice Department which runs the FBI … or maybe just because assassinating a major American political figure might just involve the FBI anyway.
But … is it “patriotic” to kill presidents? Who knows?! And why is this the dumbest dialogue ever typed? At least Oliver Stone’s version was entertaining.
Exclusive: Dallas County DA’s office finds cache of JFK memorabilia [Dallas Morning News]