Jenna Bush Wedding Set To Cripple Waco

She brought her own bag of feed!Thousands of sad Texans will be sleeping in the streets of Waco in mid-May while fat cats carouse at the wedding of Jenna Bush and her first husband, wealthy former Rove staffer Henry Hager. Even though the wedding date hasn’t been officially confirmed (it’s May 10!), all the hotels are already full with reservations from media, paparazzi, and deposed Latin American dictators. Beleaguered attendees of the Texas Technology Students Association conference, unfortunately scheduled for the same weekend, will be left out in the cold. And that is just the start of the madness.

The Bush wedding’s impact has been so grave, and so far-reaching, that even the field of cancer research has been affected. The Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, which raises breast-cancer awareness, was originally scheduled for Jenna’s Special Day and had to be moved up a week.

Despite the ruination visited on Waco by the Bush family, impoverished locals haven’t given up hope that the wedding party might flip them a tuppence on their way to the big ball at George’s Crawford ranch. Limousine companies, carriage services, florists, and even airport operators are all praying to get some business out of this disaster, and declare their continued affection for their oppressors.

One local shopkeeper said Laura Bush “has a quiet peace about her,” which we assume means she’s crosseyed on horse tranquilizers.

Local hotels filling for Jenna Bush wedding [Waco Tribune-Herald]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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