An ancient book of hideous human hair samples is now on display at Philadelphia’s Academy of Natural Science, and political fanatics are lining up to see the tufts yanked or clipped from the lice-ridden skulls of America’s many dead presidents. But the fetishist who collected the bizarre witch book was unable to trick a lock away from Andrew Jackson, who took drastic measures to avoid the creep’s shears.
Historians will note that hair has always been the secret engine behind American politics. From the rumored goody perched atop a Coke can that almost cost Clarence Thomas his Supreme Court seat to John Edwards’ fateful decision to engage in a brutal, protracted haircut that has cost our nation untold amounts of blood and treasure, hair has a way of telling us who we are as a nation.
That is why all Americans, particularly those in the greater Philadelphia area, should consider it their solemn moral obligation to go visit this book of Presidential hair on display at the Academy of Natural Science. You owe it to your country to see Thomas Jefferson’s ginger wisps.
The demon hairbook will be on display February 16-18, 11am-3:30pm. Click here for details.
All the Presidents’ Hair, on View in Pa. [AP via Google]