Nebraska Inexplicably Gets Rid of Death Chair

America is doomed. The Nebraska Supreme Court -- probably "loaded" with gay Democrats -- ruled today that "electrocution is cruel and unusual punishment, outlawing the electric chair in the only state that still used it as its sole means of execution." Jesus, where's the Soviet Union when you need it?

How the hell is the government supposed to kill humans now, if not by putting wet sponges on their heads and then electrocuting them in a magical death chair?

Got it. Just make these Nebraskans sit through a Chelsea Clinton speech! This certainly killed some people yesterday :

Chelsea Clinton: she kills people with words, not magical electro-chairs.

 Court: Neb. Electric Chair Not Legal [AP/Google]