Barry's Giving A, You Know, Very OK Speech!

Barack's giving a speech -- will it be good or his usual robotic so-so crap? Grandma's watching in the Africaland, Barry.

11: 44 -- "The girls are with us tonight," and they are... nevermind.

11: 45 -- Sorry that people are dying again in Arkansas or... some shit... BACK TO ME, SWEET SWEET ME!

11: 46 -- They are still counting votes, but there is one thing that matters: We won! -ish!

11: 46 -- Change: A++++++++++++++++

11: 47 -- Red states, blue states, I wanna new state, purple state, red state, blue state Hope!

11: 47 -- Farmers "stood up and said" various things about changing other things, one time, in Illinois.

11: 47 -- "Maybe this year, we can do sump'm 'bout mortgages." The crowd goes wild.

11: 47 -- Black children and white children are equal in South Carolina -- this is the dream I will make a reality!

11: 49 -- This speech is... worse... than the last one, in South Carolina. Maybe everybody's tired, Barry the most? Oh silly me: Change never sleeps.

11: 50 -- "Nothing changes because politicians just write another check." Barry, it's 11:50 p.m. -- who gives a shit about the lobbyists?

11: 52 -- Hillary's cool, she's cool. But that's exactly why I will lose: She's too cool...

11: 53 -- ... with Lobbyists!

11: 54 -- ... and with Iran!

11: 55 -- ... and with, generally speaking, being a cunt!

11: 55 -- Jobs overseas -- no to that!

11: 56 -- Old people -- let them retire with RESPECT! What thehelldoes that mean? They have Florida, they can respect themselves down there.

11: 57 -- Energy, Clean.

11: 57 -- 11, 9/.

11: 58 -- Genocide, Hillary.

11: 58 -- WE CAN DO IT ALL BABY -- IT'S DOUBLE 'R NOTHING, HOUSE RULES, WE WILL WIN EVERYTHING AND I WANT YOU TO PLEASE SHUT SHUT SHUT SHUT UP XOXOXOXOXO.

11: 58 -- Oh, I'm afraid and cynical. Fuck you, Barry. Why do you have to say I'm cynical for thinking speeches like these are complete crap? Get a job.

11: 59 -- The South Side, that's where he learned to run the United States of America.

12: 00 -- You put out flyers did you, Barry? +1 towards fixing health care.

12: 00 -- (Hillary sucks too, it's OK, Barry).

12: 01 -- Every extra minute, I want to vote an extra minute for Gravel or some shit.

12: 03 -- Clinton, Clinton, Clinton!

12: 03 -- DO YOU HEAR THAT? WE ARE LIKING HILLARY CLINTON BETTER NOW, FOR NOW, AT LEAST.

12: 03 -- Shut shut shut, shut shut shut, shut yer goddamn mouth. (Sang to "Jingle Bells")

12: 04 -- Yes we can! Go to bed at some point because you stopped!

You just lost some MAJOR points with the Wonkette editorial staff, Barry.