Liveblogging The Loser Speech Spectacular!

 

You forgot about Ron Paul!Mike Huckabee, elected permanent dictator of three Southern states, has already spoken. Now Mitt Romney is talking about how screwed we are. What more delights await?

10:39: The Washington, it is broken. Romney’s supporters are trying to chant along “They haven’t,” and it is the whitest chant ever.
10:39: Ann Romney looks like she is smelling something terrible.
10:40: Well, that was fast. We have learned that America is the hope of the earth, and there are a whole bunch of things “they haven’t” done in Washington.
10:41: Annddd…Georgia to Huckabee, beating McCain by a hair. That Huckabee is going to be the best Vice President ever.
10:42: Oh fuck it’s that Barbour guy again, hounding your editor from station to station and trying to lull her to sleep. Back off, mesmerizing Southerner!
10:44: Barbour doesn’t like people staying in the race as long as people are voting for them. That’s just not the American way!
10:44: Wait, the Republicans do NOT have a wigwam? Has anybody told Mike Duncan?
10:47: Chris Matthews talks about Republican pundits “supporting orally” certain candidates over others.
10:49: Millerman, you’ve got to focus. There is a goddamn TORNADO in Tennessee and you are wondering if the editor is hot.
10:50: Hills in another lucky yellow jacket. It appears to work for her. It’s got a nice slightly 70s Diane Keaton vibe, if Diane Keaton could tear your balls off with her mind.
10:52: Ah, people on the late shift with the crying baby. Babies are such a pain in the ass to work with, always crying.
10:53: Don’t forget about American Samoa! Never forget!
10:53: Our thoughts and prayers go out to the dead people in Arkansas and Tennesee, as long as they voted before they perished.
10:54: Cannot…take eyes…off Hillary supporter wearing a scarf of little furry spheres.
10:55: Can we just strangle the “green-collar jobs” in their cribs? What a horrible term.
10:56: So weird when the speaker talks about something objectionable and people boo in support.
10:56: “I won’t let anyone Swift Boat this country’s future. Only my candidacy and the Democratic party!”
10:59: California polls closing…Idaho polls closing…eyes closing…Oh wait not for another hour? Fuckety fuck.
10:50: Thanks to Dorothy Rodham, the most beleaguered mother in America.
11:00: Looking at an empty armchair is more entertaining than watching Hillary Clinton give a speech.

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About the author

Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

View all articles by Sara K. Smith

Hola wonkerados.

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