Hooray, Hillary Is President of Florida Again!

Mmm, GatorHillary Clinton has won zero delegates but 48% of the precincts have been counted up and guess who’s president again? Sorry, Obama. What does it mean?

* “Obama’s got a big problem,” says the guy who looks like Dick Cheney on CNN.
* Black people voted 70% for Obama. Black Democrats, at least.
* Hillary’s got a big, big 49% right now, or 271,883 votes, at 8:06 p.m.
* Mike Gravel now has 2% of Zero Delegates.
* Wolf Blitzer trimmed his neck fuzz a little too closely, so you can see some acne pits on his neck. Or maybe they are … ticks?
* Hillary is about to speak! She is going to announce the bombing of Barack Obama’s Florida headquarters.
* This was the longest intro in the history of intros …. and it’s still not an introduction of Hillary, who just stands there, grinning like a Murderer.
* We’ve switched to Fox News, and also MSNBC. Both are “better” than CNN.
* Brit Hume: “Well, huh huh, it is a little … weird.” He thinks it is weird that Hillary Clinton is accepting this 49% victory.
* Right now, Obama is at 29% and “Soil of the South” John Edwards is at 15%.
* Bill Kristol thinks Al Gore is going to endorse Obama.
* Ah, Hillary is finally yelling at us! Hooray!
* “I could not come here to ask in person for your votes, but I am here to thank you. For your votes. TODAY!”
* Did you know Senator Bill Nelson is an Astronaut? He wears diapers and kills by night.
* Also, Hillary “believes” in a bunch of stuff. You know, like rewarding hard work, and making sure our kids could learn, and the health care could be for you, and she is so angry that all her Wall Street billionaire friends don’t pay enough taxes.

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

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