Next Year They Can Attack President WALNUTS!: Liveblogging the Democratic Response

sebe.jpgGeorge W. Bush is still president? I thought we had six presidents, mostly in Florida now, who will slowly whittle down to one: the most Changing candidate. Is Bush still doing things, laws and lies and such, and we don’t know because we’ve been watching the 2008 crowd? Did he mention a War on Syria in that speech, a surprise war, that’s somehow three, four weeks old, and we have no shred of a clue? I didn’t watch the State of the Union, but I bet it was… that.

Here’s the governor of Kansas, Kathleen Sebelius, giving the Democrat response.

10:16 — Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, the white male. Bill Clinton. One or two of these people has the best opportunity in several elections to reclaim the White House. AND WE WILL GET Kansas Governorbot to speak for us tonight.
10:17 — So they are still doing “bills” in Congress, despite the election. Is nothing sacred if not intergenerational race/gender wars sparked by Chris Matthews? The government should go on holiday until we get a president, and then the government should not come back from that holiday.
10:22 — Did George Bush mention 9/11 in his speech, or is that really only Rudy’s thing now?
10:23 — Young men in Kansas are going to Iraq. But isn’t that good for provincial Kansas boys, to go see the Sand Asians in Iraq and other worldly sites?
10:24 — OK, mortgage crisis, the candidates are talking about that, except WALNUTS! who wants to occupy various stock exchanges until casualties, which he will start, cease. And then he wants to actually continue occupying these and everything else.
10:25 — NO LADY, WE DON’T WANT TO WORK WITH THAT MAN ANYMORE, he kills other humans.
10:26 — You’re done? Pffft… Democratic party, looking confident! That Sebeeeelus person was a governor too — fuck was she talking about, let’s work with Bush tomorrow morning? There’s a War in Syria anyway. Did you guys hear about that? The War in Greece?
10:27 — Hey, Hillary! This is more familiar, let’s watch this cough cough white candidate cough.
10:28 — Here’s a novel idea for “change” — talk for more than a few minutes, so Gawker bloggers can get at least two comments in.
10:30 — Hey, Barry now, the new Mr. Kennedy! Let’s watch him talk for a few seconds.
10:31 — The events from today with these big city liberal Kennedys, made me wish I was 20-30% more white, and also that my father you know, didn’t move back to Kenya when I was young.
10:32 — That last one was harsh, Barry. I’m sorry. Never would I ever disrespect the “Son of a Luo Tribesman.”
10:33 — Our adorable prince is done, he’s already chain-smoking a pack of Virginia Slims behind some dumpster in the nearest Marriott Courtyard. We’ll do the same. Bye friends! America FTW.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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