Kwame Kilpatrick — the mayor of America’s healthiest, most booming major city, Detroit — is in TOO much trouble. A series of hot steamy text messages between Kilpatrick and his chief of staff, Christine Beatty, more or less proves that they were fucking, like, a lot. Allegedly. Furthermore, both the mayor and Beatty had denied any sort of sexual relationship in testimony last summer during a “police whistle-blower” trial that cost the city $9 million. Now there may be all sorts of perjury charges and scrutiny and blah blah blah snooze. That’s a waste of our time; instead, let’s check out some of these sexy text messages!
* Kilpatrick, 2002: “I’m madly in love with you.” Good for him! It takes a real man to throw out the L-word… over text messaging.
* Beatty: “I hope you feel that way for a long time … In case you haven’t noticed, I am madly in love with you, too!” Hey wait a sec, no one talks or texts like this.
* Beatty: “And, did you miss me, sexually?” See: previous commentary.
* Kilpatrick: “Hell yeah! You couldn’t tell. I want some more.” This could mean he wants anything, though. Maybe he was talking about… federal revenue sharing funds for inner city schools? Eh? Stranger non sequiturs have happened.
* Kilpatrick, later in 2002: “I’ve been dreaming all day about having you all to myself for 3 days … Relaxing, laughing, talking, sleeping and making love.” OK, since the first four of these are obviously bullshit, who’s to say the fifth reveals anything?
This guy is great. Fucking his chief of staff! That’s… I gotta hand it to you, Kwame. You should be Hillary’s black vice president instead of Barry.
Mayor Kilpatrick, chief of staff lied under oath, text messages show [Detroit Free Press]