Some intrepid ass-fucker with mad computer skills successfully hacked into the NFL shop’s (ahem) back door and retrieved the official list of the 1121 things you can’t put on a Jersey. We’re laughing too hard to read through them all right now, but we love the idea of a bunch of suits sitting around and thinking up all the possible variations on “Tongue Thruster”:
SUIT #1: “Tongue Thrust”?
SUIT #2: Yeah, and maybe “Tongue Baller.”
SUIT #3: What if they misspell “tongue”? Is it still “naughty” then?
SUIT #1: Excellent point, Dick.
SUIT #3: I think you mean, “Dick Licker.”
And then they’d all slap each other’s asses and go have a friendly, completely non-homoerotic drink together.