Massive Fraudulent CIA-backed Voting Machine Conspiracy in SC

mb1.jpgAccording to reports in Horry (ahem) County, South Carolina — where Myrtle Beach is — voting machines have been hijacked by merciless corporates smoking Cuban cigars, eating children malfunctioning. And if the machines don’t work, and officials don’t have any paper ballots on hand, then officials take their phone numbers and call them when new ballots come in. John McCain relies on huge voter turnout given his appeal to independents, so naturally he’s released some bullshit statement.

Quoth McCain people:

We have received reports from Horry County that voters are being turned away from the polls, because electronic voting machines are not working and paper ballots are not available. Some voters say they are being instructed to return at a later time. We are disturbed by these reports and hope that this issue is resolved immediately. We encourage any voters who were turned away from the polls to return again to their polling place this afternoon to exercise their constitutional right to vote.

WALNUTS! himself is working around the clock to figger out the problem, and he’s doing this by going to the movies.

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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