Huckabee Pulls a Santorum

room 212 at the marriottIn an interview with Beliefnet, Mike Huckabee says some things that will shock no one:

Well, I don’t think that’s a radical view to say we’re going to affirm marriage. I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal. Again, once we change the definition, the door is open to change it again. I think the radical position is to make a change in what’s been historic.

After the jump, we try our best to parse this wonky legalese.

Megan: WHY DO CONSERVATIVES SPEND SO MUCH TIME THINKING ABOUT BESTIALITY???
Jim: it represents a long obsession with horse cock
Megan: why, jim, why?
Jim: it’s really the fundamental nature of their party
Jim: say we don’t want horsecock, be called outrageous, have that eventually legalized
Megan: right. elephant cocks can be up to 5 feet long, and have an S curve. I learned that in Cosmo in high school.
Jim: well, maybe it’s elephant cocks then
Jim: who knows how deep this goes
Jim: hehe, deep
Megan: hahaha
Megan: deep
Jim: a man and a child is also pretty outrageous… which would come first?
Jim: man and elephant being legalized, or man and 5 year old boy?
Megan: gosh, so hard to decide
Jim: guess we shouldn’t let men marry men.
Megan: also, is it just me or was there some story this year about how arkansas fucked up a rewrite of their marriage laws and now kids can marry with the consent of their parents?
Megan: nope, because then it;s elephant cocks for all
Jim: the streets of the mississipi delta will be littered with men fucking pachyderms.
Jim: vote huckles, 2008

Mike Huckabee: Desperately seeking Santorum? [The Right's Field]
Mike Huckabee: ‘The Lord Truly Gave Me Wisdom’ [Beliefnet]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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