REPUBLICANS  12:21 pm January 17, 2008

Huckabee Pulls a Santorum

by Jim Newell

room 212 at the marriottIn an interview with Beliefnet, Mike Huckabee says some things that will shock no one:

Well, I don’t think that’s a radical view to say we’re going to affirm marriage. I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal. Again, once we change the definition, the door is open to change it again. I think the radical position is to make a change in what’s been historic.

After the jump, we try our best to parse this wonky legalese.

Megan: WHY DO CONSERVATIVES SPEND SO MUCH TIME THINKING ABOUT BESTIALITY???
Jim: it represents a long obsession with horse cock
Megan: why, jim, why?
Jim: it’s really the fundamental nature of their party
Jim: say we don’t want horsecock, be called outrageous, have that eventually legalized
Megan: right. elephant cocks can be up to 5 feet long, and have an S curve. I learned that in Cosmo in high school.
Jim: well, maybe it’s elephant cocks then
Jim: who knows how deep this goes
Jim: hehe, deep
Megan: hahaha
Megan: deep
Jim: a man and a child is also pretty outrageous… which would come first?
Jim: man and elephant being legalized, or man and 5 year old boy?
Megan: gosh, so hard to decide
Jim: guess we shouldn’t let men marry men.
Megan: also, is it just me or was there some story this year about how arkansas fucked up a rewrite of their marriage laws and now kids can marry with the consent of their parents?
Megan: nope, because then it;s elephant cocks for all
Jim: the streets of the mississipi delta will be littered with men fucking pachyderms.
Jim: vote huckles, 2008

Mike Huckabee: Desperately seeking Santorum? [The Right's Field]
Mike Huckabee: ‘The Lord Truly Gave Me Wisdom’ [Beliefnet]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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