You Never Listened to Me

You know, what, Nick? Screw you. I’ve tried to be your friend, but you never call back or reply to my emails and you sent lackeys to enforce the restraining order and it’s just not cool. You want to marry her in a secret ceremony and then jet off to Saudi Arabia? Whatevs. She’s getting what she deserves if you’re spending your “honeymoon” apart and she’s been dating you barely a month. I mean, i thought the French practically invented le préservatif, so you think you’d know how to use one. I’m through obsessing now. Have a great life. [Yahoo News]